Motherhood has a way of changing the shape of a woman’s life. Sometimes the change is joyful and tender. Sometimes it is disorienting, exhausting, and humbling. Often, it is all of those things at once.

I recently sat down with Makena Sage and Gigi Sage, a mother-daughter coaching duo, co-authors of The Wisdom That Raised Me, and co-founders of Way of the Muse, a resource and podcast that helps women pursue their dreams with more clarity, courage, and intention. Their story is unique because they speak from both sides of the motherhood journey. Makena is a new mother navigating the early months of life with her baby daughter, while Gigi is a mother of five who has spent decades coaching women, couples, families, and leaders through personal transformation.
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Together, they offered a thoughtful, honest, and deeply practical conversation about becoming a mother, protecting your dreams, communicating with your partner, and remembering that the hardest seasons are still only seasons.

From a “Shadow Career” to the Work She Really Wanted

Before becoming a coach, Makena had a successful career in marketing. On the outside, it looked like she was doing well. But internally, something felt off. “I was going through basically burnout and a lot of questioning,” Makena shared. “I was having anxiety and panic attacks and wasn’t really sure what was going on.”

With Gigi’s support, Makena began looking more honestly at what she wanted. She realized that marketing had been what she described as a kind of “shadow career,” work that was close to her true calling, but not quite it. “I was doing marketing for coaches, so I was very close to the industry that I loved,” she said. “But it wasn’t quite it. I was hiding a little bit.”

Deep down, Makena had always wanted to coach women, work with her mother, and lead retreats around the world. Over the past eight years, that vision has become her real life. That idea of a shadow career may resonate with many mothers, especially those who feel successful on paper but quietly wonder whether they are living the life they actually want.

The Joy and Shock of Early Motherhood

Makena’s daughter was under a year at the time of our conversation, and she described herself as still very much in the middle of the transformation. “My daughter is nine months old,” she said. “She hasn’t even been out of my belly as long as she was in there.”

What surprised her most was the delight. “It brings out this just such a loving, nurturing side of yourself,” Makena said. “She’s fun, and she’s goofy, and we play together.”

At the same time, she was honest about the challenges, especially the loss of sleep, freedom, and personal time. “The lack of sleep, the lack of time freedom, any kind of time to yourself, especially if you’re nursing, it’s full on 24/7,” she said.
For Makena, one of the hardest parts was not only the physical adjustment of having a baby, but the impact on her marriage. She and her husband had been together for 10 years, and the first few months of parenthood tested their relationship in a new way. “It was the most challenging thing we’ve gone through in our 10 years together,” she said.
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Her husband loved their baby, but parenthood was a major shock. Makena also experienced postpartum anxiety in the beginning, and both of them had to adjust to the sudden loss of freedom, lack of sleep, and new roles at home.

Why Couples Need Space to Talk Honestly

Around four months postpartum, Makena and her husband visited Gigi in Houston. Gigi led them through an immersive coaching day, giving them space to talk openly about what was happening in their relationship. “They were having a very difficult time with communication, with intimacy, with every part of the relationship,” Gigi said.

Rather than jumping in with advice, Gigi created a space where both could be honest without judgment. Makena and her husband were able to express their worries and concerns through Gigi’s guidance and say things like, “This is what I’m feeling,” or “There are moments in this that I don’t really like, even though we love our kids.” That kind of honesty can be hard for parents to admit. We are often expected to feel only gratitude after having a baby. But the truth is that love and overwhelm can exist at the same time.

Makena said the experience helped them remember they were on the same team. “They both want the same thing,” Gigi said. “They have a beautiful little girl. It just gave them the place to open up and communicate.”

For parents who are struggling, Gigi emphasized the importance of creating space for open dialogue, ideally with support from a coach, therapist, or neutral third party.

Money, Marriage, and the Conversations Couples Should Not Avoid

One of the most vulnerable chapters in The Wisdom That Raised Me is about marriage and money. Makena said it was the hardest chapter to write and the one that almost did not make it into the book. “Money is one of those topics in relationship. It is one of the make or break topics for people,” she said.

Makena does not believe there is one perfect financial system for every couple. What matters is that both partners are honest about what they want and willing to talk about it before resentment builds. “So much of the time people try to go, ‘No, it’s fine. It’s not important,’” she said. “If you push that stuff down and you’re not honest about it, then it creates much bigger issues down the road.”

This becomes especially important after a baby arrives. Costs increase. Sleep decreases. A mother’s ability to work may change dramatically during pregnancy, birth recovery, breastfeeding, and postpartum healing. Roles that once felt equal may suddenly shift.

Gigi’s advice is to remember that partners are not opposing teams. “You’re on each other’s team,” she said. “There’s a way for everybody to get what they want, even though if it’s not talked through and really worked through, it feels like opposing teams.”

Gigi’s Unconventional Path as a Mother of Five

Gigi became a mother young. Her oldest and youngest children are 20 years apart, which means she has parented through many different decades and life stages.

Her life was not traditional. She built a career in personal development, led workshops around the world, homeschooled her children with support, traveled with them, and created a family life centered around learning through experience. “I’ve built and lived a very unconventional life,” Gigi said. “I didn’t do things the way most people did them.” Her children traveled internationally, learned from different cultures, participated in workshops, and grew up inside a family system that valued flexibility, communication, service, and personal growth. Makena said the beauty of her childhood was also in that unconventionality. “Gigi lived life on her terms in so many ways, and that’s what I write a lot about in the book,” Makena said.

At the same time, Makena acknowledged that every parenting choice has both gifts and tradeoffs. If she were to take one lesson into her own motherhood, it would be to keep the inspiration and adventure while adding a little more stability.

That honesty is one of the most refreshing parts of the conversation. Even beautiful childhoods are not perfect. Even loving parents make mistakes. Even thoughtful choices affect different children differently. “You’re going to mess up,” Gigi said. “You’re not going to get it right. You’re not going to please every child, and every child is different.”
Her advice to mothers is simple but powerful. “Be a loving mother,” she said. “If you’re a loving mother, you’re doing a great job.”

The Family Meeting That Starts with Acknowledgement

One of the most practical tools Gigi shared was the family “team meeting.” In her family, meetings were a way to build communication, connection, and teamwork.

The first step is not criticism. It is acknowledgement. Each person answers the question: What would you like to be acknowledged for? A child might say, “I made my bed.” A parent might say, “I got up early and made breakfast.” Everyone claps.

It sounds simple, but Gigi said it helps children and adults feel seen. “Often what happens is we’re running in our lives, or our kids are doing things, and we are saying, ‘Don’t do this, don’t do this,’” she explained. “If they have the chance to come to the table and say, ‘Hey, I did this and I’m really proud of it,’ everybody claps. There’s this kind of ownership and feeling of being seen and appreciated.”

Over time, families can also add acknowledgements of one another. A parent can acknowledge a child. A child can acknowledge a sibling. Partners can acknowledge each other.

Only after trust is built does Gigi suggest adding the next layer: sharing something that did not work. The key is that each person shares about themselves, not someone else. A child might say, “I cried when I was told to clean my room.” Everyone still claps.

The point is not shame. The point is awareness. “What did you do that worked, and what did you do that didn’t work?” Gigi said. “They learned to be able to see where they maybe had an attitude or messed up, but in a way that got the same amount of attention as what they did that really worked.”

Makena now uses this practice with her own growing family and nanny. She said it creates a place where people can talk before small issues become bigger ones.

The Power of Appreciating Your Partner

For couples, Makena and Gigi suggested a simple 30-day practice: acknowledge one thing your partner did each day. It does not have to be dramatic. It just has to be real. Makena gave an example: “When you took the baby so I could take a nap for 30 minutes, that changed my whole day.” The practice helps rebuild trust and connection, especially during the exhausting early stages of parenthood when both people may feel unseen.

Makena also shared one more piece of advice Gigi gave her and her husband during their difficult postpartum season: cuddle for five minutes every day. “That touch and that kind of physical intimacy, so much goes out the window when you have a kid,” Makena said. “It doesn’t even have to be intimacy, intimacy. Even just the touch, having that physical contact for five minutes each day starts to build a bridge.”

For exhausted parents, five minutes may be more realistic than a date night, a long conversation, or a weekend away. Sometimes rebuilding connection begins with something small enough to actually do.

Asking for What You Want Without Blaming

Acknowledgement does not mean pretending everything is fine. Makena and Gigi were clear that healthy communication is not about people pleasing, avoiding conflict, or going along with everyone else’s expectations. Instead, it creates a foundation for harder conversations.

One of the skills they teach is asking for what you want without complaining, blaming, or criticizing. For example, instead of saying, “Your family is too much,” a person might say, “When we visit your family, sometimes I feel overwhelmed. I love your family, and I’m also longing for us to create some of our own rituals. How could we do that?”

That distinction matters. One approach creates defensiveness. The other opens a door. “What do you want?” Gigi said. “It needs to be really what do you want. In your heart and soul, what do you want? That’s what you communicate to your partner.”

For the Mother Who Feels Like She is in the “Goo”

Toward the end of our conversation, I asked Makena and Gigi what they would say to new moms who had careers and dreams before having a baby, but now feel exhausted, sleep deprived, overwhelmed, or even hopeless.

Gigi’s first response was grounding. “It’s a season,” she said. When you are in it, it can feel like the rest of your life. But the newborn stage, the sleepless stage, the disoriented stage, and the “Who am I now?” stage will not last forever.
Gigi encourages mothers to begin gently asking: What do I want now? What brings me alive? What kind of support do I need?

Makena described this transition as being in between worlds. “You have one foot in one world and one foot in another world, and you’re not quite yet in either,” she said.

She calls this stage “being in the mush,” like the caterpillar that has not yet become a butterfly. “You’ve just turned into goo,” Makena said. “And you’re like, I hope there is a world out there. I hope I emerge from this goop someday.”

That image may be exactly what many mothers need. Not every season is a blooming season. Some seasons are messy, unclear, and uncomfortable. Some seasons are about dissolving an old identity before a new one has fully formed.

Makena connected this to matrescence, the process of becoming a mother. “We’ve got to become the goo before we can grow our wings and become the butterfly,” she said.

For the mothers who feel stuck in the goo right now, Makena and Gigi’s message is not to rush, force, or shame yourself back into your old life. Instead, recognize the transformation, ask for support, stay connected to what brings you alive, and trust that this season is not the end of your story. It may be the beginning of a new one.

When Maryam Mehrtash walked onto the Disney lot for her first day as a Hollywood executive, she wasn’t just arriving at a new job. She was stepping into a dream that began decades earlier when a little girl who had fled Iran learned English by watching Disney cartoons.
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Today, Maryam is a former Disney executive, former Vice President at Paramount, author, entrepreneur, and mother of two young children. But behind the impressive resume is a story of resilience that started long before Hollywood. “I actually started learning how to speak English through storytelling and watching Disney cartoons,” Maryam shared. “It was a full circle moment for me when I started working at Disney because so much of how I was introduced to American culture and American storytelling was through Disney.”

A Family Built on Sacrifice

Maryam’s story begins in Iran during one of the country’s most turbulent periods. Her parents fled following the Iranian Revolution and the Iran-Iraq War in the late 1980s, searching for safety and opportunity. During their escape, Maryam and her mother were accidentally separated from her father and ended up in a refugee camp for months before he was able to find them.

Her father had one overriding goal: to create a different future for his daughter. “He didn’t know at the time what gender I was going to be,” Maryam recalled. “But he had this feeling that he was going to have a daughter. His goal became getting us out of Iran so that his daughter was going to have a life where she wasn’t silenced and she had opportunity in life to become who she wanted to be.”

The family eventually settled in Canada, where her parents built businesses from scratch despite speaking little English. “I watched my parents hustle,” Maryam said. “That’s what, from such a young age, ingrained in me the ethics of hard work and the ethics of really going after your dreams.”

Those lessons would become the foundation of everything that followed.

Chasing Hollywood

Like many children of immigrants, Maryam grew up balancing practicality with passion. She loved storytelling and theater, but her parents encouraged her to pursue a stable career. Rather than choosing between creativity and business, she found a way to embrace both.

After graduating at the top of her business school class, she began working in creative agencies in Canada. Eventually, she realized she had reached a ceiling. If she wanted a career in entertainment, she would need to take a leap.
Thirteen years ago, she packed up her life and moved to Los Angeles. That decision led to leadership roles at KTLA, CBS Interactive, Paramount+, and eventually Disney, where she oversaw global marketing promotions and partnerships for major franchises including Marvel Studios and 20th Century Studios.

Yet one of her most meaningful moments wasn’t a promotion. It was simply arriving. “I remember walking on the lot about a year ago,” she said. “I was just completely entrenched in the magic of Disney.” As she toured the historic studio, she found herself reconnecting with the child who had once dreamed of being there. “It was a surreal moment,” she said. “I felt that little girl again.”

Motherhood Arrives Alongside a Pandemic

Maryam became a mother in 2020, just months after the world shut down. Her daughter was born during the height of the COVID pandemic. Her son followed two years later.

Like many mothers, she was navigating career ambitions and newborn life simultaneously. Unlike most, she was also helping launch Paramount+, one of the largest streaming platforms in the industry.

Despite having six months of maternity leave available, she chose to return after ten weeks. “I felt that I had a big responsibility on my shoulders as an executive,” she explained. “I didn’t want to miss the opportunity to be there for this big moment in my career where we were launching a streaming platform.”

The pandemic created challenges, but it also provided flexibility that previous generations of working mothers never had. Maryam could breastfeed between Zoom meetings, work from home, and receive support from her mother, who temporarily moved in to help care for the baby. Looking back, she sees both sides of the experience. “The blessing was that I had a lot of time at home with my child even though I had a very demanding job.”

The Myth of Doing It All

Ask Maryam how she manages a demanding career, motherhood, writing, and a growing Substack community, and her answer is surprisingly simple.

She doesn’t believe anyone truly does it all. “I think the secret to being able to do it all, because I actually don’t think that exists, is relentless prioritization.” Her system centers around identifying the three most important tasks each day and protecting time for them on her calendar.

Motherhood, she says, taught her to become ruthless about where she spends her energy. “Life is about trade-offs and you can’t have it all.”

That mindset extends into her marriage as well. Rather than silently carrying the invisible workload many mothers shoulder, Maryam and her husband regularly discuss responsibilities, schedules, and mental load. “I’ve sat down with my husband and I’ve done this,” she said. “I said, this is all of the invisible work that I do. What part of this list can you take off of my load?” The exercise brought visibility to work that often goes unnoticed and created a stronger sense of partnership.

Courage Is a Muscle

A few years ago, Maryam faced a major professional setback when she was laid off from Paramount. She had two young children, an uncertain future, and plenty of reasons to doubt herself.

Instead, she chose to build something new.

Today, she is writing her first book and growing her Substack newsletter, This Is Not a Memo, which has attracted thousands of subscribers. What changed? She started taking small steps. “Courage is a muscle that takes practice,” she said. “You develop it through doing more and more reps.” Rather than waiting until she felt confident, she committed to writing for twenty minutes a day.

Those daily sessions eventually became articles, a newsletter, a literary agent, and a book project. “I just started writing every day for 20 minutes,” she said. “That really built momentum and gave me the confidence.”

The Legacy She Wants to Leave

When Maryam talks about success, she rarely focuses on titles or achievements.
Instead, she talks about example.

Her mother modeled resilience. Her father modeled vision. Together, they showed her what was possible.
Now she hopes to pass that same lesson to her children. “I want her to see that I’m following my dreams,” Maryam said about her daughter. “She can do whatever she wants, but I just want her to see me continue doing it even after having two kids.”

Perhaps that is the thread connecting every chapter of Maryam’s journey, from refugee camps to Disney, from executive boardrooms to bedtime routines.

Dreams don’t stop when life gets complicated. They evolve. And often, the courage to pursue them begins with a single small step.
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As Maryam reminds mothers who feel overwhelmed or stuck: “Just start doing it. Don’t overthink.”

When Nasha Fitter talks about motherhood, she does not sugarcoat it. She speaks honestly about exhaustion, resentment, ambition, grief, marriage, and survival. But she also speaks with remarkable clarity about joy, resilience, friendship, and purpose.

Nasha is a Harvard MBA, entrepreneur, rare disease advocate, and mother of three. Her youngest daughter, Amara, was born with a devastating genetic condition called FOXG1 syndrome, a rare neurodevelopmental disorder that affects mobility, communication, muscle tone, and seizures. What began as a terrifying diagnosis eventually became the catalyst for building two organizations that now support thousands of families navigating rare disease care.
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In our conversation for Trust Me Mom, Nasha shared what it was really like to go from ambitious startup founder to full-time caregiver almost overnight, how she saved her marriage during unimaginable stress, and why exhausted mothers need to stop glorifying self-sacrifice.

“I always wanted to do something really great with my life”

Nasha grew up in an immigrant family after moving to the United States from India as a child. Education and ambition were deeply woven into her upbringing. “I was ambitious just naturally from a young age,” she said. “I always wanted to do something really great with my life.”

That drive showed up early. At just 13 years old, she convinced an accountant to let her work for free simply so she could learn. She built an exciting global career, eventually launching an education technology company called Schoolie while raising two young children. Like many ambitious women, she found herself balancing growing professional success with the invisible labor of motherhood. “It was especially hard for me and women like me who are very ambitious to then deal with motherhood and what does that mean and your love for your child, but your love for your career,” she said.

Although she grew up in a household where both parents shared responsibilities fairly equally, marriage introduced a different reality. “My husband’s career always ended up taking precedence,” she admitted. “You resent being at home doing the housework because no one’s doing it and you resent then also working and also having to do everything.”

The diagnosis that changed everything

When Nasha became unexpectedly pregnant with her third child, life was already stretched thin. She was fundraising for her company’s Series A round while caring for three children under four years old.

Then Amara began having seizures.

Within months, genetic testing confirmed FOXG1 syndrome. Doctors told Nasha her daughter might never walk or talk and could remain cognitively at the level of a one-year-old for life. “They told me there were no therapies. There were no cures,” she recalled. “No one is going to focus on this condition because there’s only a few hundred patients we even know of in America.”

The experience shattered the life she thought she was building. “It was honestly very difficult because all of a sudden I had three children under the age of four,” she said. “And then everything changed dramatically.”

Those early months became pure survival. “I was just trying to keep my daughter alive, honestly,” Nasha said.
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At the time, she had little family support nearby. Her husband’s demanding new job required constant travel, and she was running on almost no sleep while caring for a medically fragile child. “She was on a medication where she would wake up every two hours at night,” Nasha shared. “I just was not sleeping at all and still managing my other two young children.”

Learning to let grief move through her

One of the most powerful moments in our conversation came when Nasha described finally allowing herself to fully feel grief after months of suppressing it.  “I sat in a dark closet for about five hours,” she said. “And I just said, 'Okay, I am going to just let all of the grief [in]. I'm going to feel it.”

Instead of continuing to push away fear and sadness, she allowed herself to fully experience them. “The thing with grief is so fascinating,” she explained. “If you let it come in you, it will go through you. It will not stay, but you have to allow it to come in you, and you have to let it process. And then it will leave.”

That moment became a turning point. “I told myself, I am not going to be a victim of my circumstance from this moment onward,” she said.

I hope her words resonate with and inspire other mothers who try to numb their pain, push through exhaustion, or pretend everything is fine while silently drowning.

Why mothers need more help and less guilt

Throughout the interview, Nasha repeatedly emphasized something many women struggle to hear: mothers are not supposed to do everything alone. “The society we live in now has focused on independence to a fault,” she said. “Women with this whole DIY mentality, do it yourself. And there is a badge of honor in being exhausted.”

She believes that mentality is harming women physically, emotionally, and mentally. “A child needs a stable, happy parent more than anything,” she said. “We don’t need to do everything for our children to be good parents.”
Nasha openly admits she wishes she had hired help much sooner. “Even if you have to put your whole salary to just having help in those early years, it’s worth it,” she said.
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Today, she relies on caregivers and support systems that allow her to continue running two organizations while still being present for her family. One of the caregivers she hired during those early crisis years has now been with her family for nearly a decade. “If I didn’t have that help, I couldn’t run two organizations,” she said. “That is the brutal fact.”

Building something that did not exist

Rather than accepting the lack of resources available for rare disease families, Nasha decided to create them herself.
She co-founded the FOXG1 Research Foundation, which is now advancing a gene therapy into clinical trials. She also launched Citizen Health, a technology platform that helps rare disease families manage daily care, access resources, and connect with advocacy communities. “We are building the tools to help families manage day-to-day care,” she explained.

Citizen Health now supports over 8,000 patients and more than 100 advocacy groups. “I had to create these opportunities because they didn’t exist,” she said.

For Nasha, pain became fuel for purpose. “Whenever you’re going through something, look at it as an opportunity to then create something that can help yourself and help others.”

The marriage survival strategy no one talks about

Families raising children with special needs often face extraordinary pressure, and divorce rates within these communities can be high. Nasha and her husband managed not only to survive but to strengthen their relationship. “The lucky thing for me is my husband and I are very in love with each other,” she said.

She credits honest communication and flexibility as essential tools. “What my husband and I have done is we accelerate and decelerate at different times,” she explained. Sometimes his career took priority while she worked part time. Later, they reversed roles so she could accelerate professionally. “It is very hard to have three children, one with special needs, and two parents with big jobs,” she said.

Nasha also emphasized the importance of recognizing each partner’s strengths rather than demanding perfect equality in every task. “You can outsource the cleaning. You can outsource the cooking even,” she said. “But you can’t outsource being there.”

Friendship as survival

One thing Nasha spoke about repeatedly was the importance of female friendships. “My friends are everything to me,” she said.

Whether it is weekend getaways, reading alone for two uninterrupted hours on Saturdays, or simply getting her hair washed every few weeks, Nasha now treats her own wellbeing as non-negotiable. “You have to set your boundaries,” she said. “You have to kind of treat yourself at that same level.”

She believes women often prioritize everyone else’s needs while abandoning their own. “I stopped reading for a really long time because I didn’t have time,” she shared. “And I realized what an impact that it had upon me.”

For mothers who feel isolated, overwhelmed, or guilty for needing rest, her message is simple: taking care of yourself is not selfish. It is necessary.

Hope for the future

Today, Amara walks, communicates through an iPad, and continues to exceed expectations. “No FOXG1 children walk,” one physician once told Nasha. But Amara did. Nasha remains hopeful that ongoing clinical trials may bring even more breakthroughs for children like her daughter. More importantly, she hopes mothers stop seeing themselves as failures for needing support.
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“You human beings have the capacity to get through anything,” she said. “We absolutely can get through anything.”
And perhaps that is what makes Nasha’s story so powerful. It is not just about surviving unimaginable hardship. It is about refusing to disappear inside it.

Women are often taught to endure. To give more. To sacrifice quietly. To hold everything together for everyone else while ignoring themselves in the process.
 
Relationship coach Ada Gore helps women stop self-abandonment and reconnect with themselves emotionally, spiritually, and relationally. In a deeply personal conversation on the Trust Me Mom podcast, she shared her own story of burnout, divorce, motherhood, relationships, and healing, while offering women practical ways to reclaim their power and stop living purely in survival mode.
 
For Ada, the journey began with a devastating moment that initially felt like failure.

​The Firing That Changed Everything
 
In 2017, Ada was a single mother working as a manager at a dental practice. She had poured herself completely into her career. She transformed the struggling business into a profitable operation, expanded the team, and dedicated herself entirely to success.
 
Then, two weeks before Christmas, she was fired. “It felt like my whole world fell apart because I had invested so much,” Ada said. At the time, she had built her identity around being a strong, independent single mother who could do everything herself. Losing the job shattered that identity and forced her into a painful period of self-reflection.
 
What she realized was startling: she did not actually know who she was outside of performing roles for other people. “I had been so locked into what I have to be,” she explained. “I was being who I thought I needed to be in order to be a good manager. But I was not being my true self.”
 
The physical consequences of that disconnection had already begun to surface. She experienced anxiety attacks, hormonal issues, digestive problems, and chronic stress. Her body was demanding that she slow down. That moment became the catalyst for a decade-long journey of healing and self-discovery.
 
What Self-Abandonment Really Looks Like
 
Many women assume self-abandonment only applies to passive people pleasers who never speak up. Ada argues it is often much more subtle.
 
She describes herself as a “shapeshifter,” someone who could instantly adapt to any environment, personality, or expectation in order to get approval or results. “I can read a room and adjust my behavior based on the temperature of the room,” she said. “I didn’t realize I was doing it.”
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For countless women, self-abandonment becomes second nature. It can look like:

• Ignoring your own exhaustion
• Constantly prioritizing others’ needs
• Suppressing emotions
• Staying in unhappy relationships
• Over-functioning in marriage and parenting
• Seeking validation through achievement
• Dismissing your own desires before you even voice them

 
Ada believes many women learned these patterns in childhood as survival mechanisms. “If you know how to be trapped and miserable and broke, you will cling to that,” she explained. “Not because you consciously want better, but because your nervous system knows how to handle it.”

The Scarcity Mindset Keeping Women Stuck
 
One of the most powerful parts of the conversation centered on fear, especially financial fear. When Ada lost her job, she had almost no savings. As a single mother, the uncertainty was terrifying. Yet she says that experience taught her a life-changing lesson about trust and survival. “The resources show up,” she said repeatedly throughout the interview.
 
She described receiving unexpected tax refunds, surprise financial opportunities, and support arriving from unlikely places during periods when she believed she was completely unsafe.
 
According to Ada, many women stay trapped in unhappy relationships or unfulfilling lives because they believe survival depends on external security such as a job, a husband, or financial predictability. But she argues that true safety is internal. “Your safety does not come from your job. Your safety does not come from your husband,” she said. “Your safety is an internal knowing that you are a beloved being, that you are made of love, that you were made with love, that there is a benevolent, loving force that cares for you, and that there are resources everywhere, things that you can’t even think of.”
 
This perspective challenges deeply ingrained beliefs many women carry about dependence, scarcity, and fear.
 
Why Women Ignore Their Own Needs
 
Throughout the interview, Ada repeatedly returned to one theme: women dismiss themselves constantly in tiny everyday moments.
 
She gave examples many mothers instantly recognize:

• Eating the burnt toast while serving everyone else fresh food
• Holding their bladder for hours
• Never taking breaks
• Skipping hobbies or self-care because it feels “selfish”
• Running on exhaustion while caring for everyone else

 
Over time, those small moments accumulate into resentment.
 
“Resentment is the canary in the coal mine,” Ada said. “It’s the alert that you have abandoned yourself.” She explained that many women become angry at their husbands or children without recognizing the deeper issue underneath: they are not allowing themselves to have needs at all.
 
One example she shared involved a wife who secretly longs to attend a yoga or dance class but continually talks herself out of it because of money, childcare, or guilt. When her husband later leaves to play basketball with friends, resentment explodes. “The problem is not that he went to play basketball,” Ada explained. “The problem is that you did not go to dance class.”

The Power of Reflective Writing
 
Ada believes one of the most transformative tools available to women is also one of the simplest: journaling. She credits reflective writing with helping her process trauma, understand her patterns, and reclaim herself emotionally.
 
According to Ada, writing creates two important psychological shifts:
 

• Self-distancing, which allows women to observe experiences instead of drowning inside them
• Self-witnessing, which helps women finally see and validate their own emotions

 
“You need a place where you can start to name your emotions,” she said. “I feel angry. I feel resentful. I don’t feel supported.” For women conditioned to suppress their needs, simply admitting those emotions can be revolutionary.
 
Healing Generational Trauma
 
The conversation also explored how family dynamics shape women’s relationship patterns. Ada described growing up with emotional neglect and learning early that her needs were inconvenient. Her mother, however, eventually became an important example of resilience by returning to school for nursing after facing financial instability in her marriage.
 
Healing generational trauma, Ada explained, requires women to hold two truths simultaneously:
 

• Their parents may have done their best
• They were still hurt
  
  

That balance between compassion and accountability is central to her philosophy. “Without accountability, there’s no growth. Without compassion, there’s no connection,” she said. Rather than bypassing pain or remaining trapped in blame, Ada encourages women to process their experiences honestly through writing, reflection, and emotional awareness.
 
Dating After Divorce: “You Are the Prize”
 
When discussing relationships, Ada did not shy away from controversial opinions. She believes many women settle because they are afraid of loneliness and because they underestimate their own value.
 
“If you are a single woman, you need to stop giving and start receiving,” she said. Her advice for dating includes:
 

• Do not chase emotionally unavailable men
• Stop ignoring red flags
• Avoid pursuing men who show inconsistent effort
• Learn the power of saying no
• Focus on self-worth instead of validation

 
“You only need one good man,” she said. “You don’t need a hundred.”
 
Ada believes women who deeply love and respect themselves naturally become more discerning and magnetic in relationships.
 
Marriage as a “Growth Technology”
 
Perhaps the most nuanced part of the discussion involved unhappy marriages. Ada emphasized that not every marriage should survive. She strongly stated that abuse of any kind changes the equation entirely.
 
However, in non-abusive relationships, she believes many marriages can transform if women stop over-functioning and begin addressing their own patterns. “A marriage is a technology to help you grow,” she explained.
 
She described how women often unknowingly create dynamics where they manage everything emotionally and practically, leaving their partners passive and dependent. Healing begins when women stop controlling everything and begin taking responsibility for their own emotional well-being instead.
 
That process can feel terrifying because it often means allowing discomfort, mistakes, and uncertainty. “You have to stop holding it all together,” she said. “As long as you keep gripping it, it stays the same.”
 
At the same time, Ada stressed that women should never stay trapped in deeply unhappy marriages purely for appearances or obligation. “You are the operant power in your life,” she said. “You do have agency.”
 
Learning to Live Instead of Survive
 
Ultimately, Ada’s message is about far more than relationships. It is about reclaiming humanity, identity, and emotional freedom. Many women spend years living in survival mode, convincing themselves that depletion is normal and sacrifice equals love. Ada challenges women to imagine something radically different.
 
“You are not here just to survive,” she said. “You are here to live your life and to live a good life.” That transformation does not happen overnight. It begins with small acts of self-respect:
 

• Taking a break
• Resting without guilt
• Saying no
• Honoring emotions
• Asking for help
• Believing you deserve more

 
For women trapped in cycles of resentment, exhaustion, or fear, Ada believes healing starts with one powerful shift: stop abandoning yourself. And perhaps the greatest act of love a woman can offer herself, her children, and the world is finally choosing not to disappear inside her own life.

When Sasha Romary first came to France as a teenager, she was simply experiencing life abroad. 20 years later, she is raising two bilingual boys and coaching parents.  

On a recent episode of Trust Me Mom (Season 2, episode 40), Sasha shared her fascinating journey from the United States to Paris, the cultural differences she’s observed in parenting and education, and the lessons she’s learned as both a mother and parenting coach.
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What emerged from the conversation was not simply a comparison between American and French parenting styles, but a deeper discussion about independence, structure, neurodivergence, and the pressure modern parents face everywhere.

Growing Up Across Three Languages

Sasha’s family life today is deeply multicultural. She and her French husband met at an international school in Paris, built their relationship in English, and later lived in Singapore and Germany before returning to France. Their household now runs bilingually: Sasha speaks English to the children, while her husband speaks French. For a time, while living in Germany, their children were actually navigating three languages simultaneously.

One of the biggest misconceptions Sasha often hears, especially from American parents, is that bilingual children experience language delays. But she shared a perspective from her German pediatrician that completely reframed the issue.

If a child knows the word “shoe” in English, French, and German, that is not one word in their vocabulary. It is three separate words. While bilingual children may appear to use fewer words in one language, their total language processing is often far more advanced.

Sasha says the real challenge isn’t capability. It’s consistency. Because French dominates social life and school, she must intentionally protect English at home. “I can’t be lazy about it,” she explained. “If I’m speaking English to them, they need to respond in English too.”

The French School System: Independence First

Perhaps the most striking cultural difference Sasha described is how early French schools expect children to become independent.

In France, school officially begins at age three. Children are expected to attend full days almost immediately, arrive potty trained, manage long school hours, and begin functioning independently from parents. For many American parents, that level of separation feels abrupt.

French schools operate with a philosophy that school belongs to the child, not the parent. Parents typically drop children at the gate and have very limited interaction with teachers outside a few annual conferences.
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Sasha describes the system as both impressive and difficult. On one hand, children develop confidence and autonomy remarkably early. By age 10, many students are expected to organize their own study schedules and manage homework independently.
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On the other hand, the rigidity of the system can create challenges for children who learn differently. “The expectation is that the child adapts to the system,” Sasha said, “not the other way around.”

When Neurodivergent Kids Don’t Fit the Mold

Sasha’s older son has been diagnosed with ADHD. She explained that while French schools do recognize learning differences, support often requires formal medical documentation before accommodations are provided. Until that diagnosis exists, many parents simply receive feedback that their child has “concentration problems” and needs to improve behavior.

For Sasha, the experience highlighted a major contrast with the American educational system, where accommodations are more legally protected and intervention often begins earlier. She ultimately chose private school for her son because the traditional public-school structure was not working for him.

Her story reflects a broader parenting truth: systems that work beautifully for some children can be deeply stressful for others.

French Parenting and Food Culture
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One aspect of French parenting Sasha genuinely admires is the culture surrounding food. French school lunches are full multi-course meals with vegetables, proteins, cheese, salads, and dessert, not separate “kid food.” Children are expected to eat what is served, and parents generally do not prepare multiple meals to accommodate picky eating.
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Sasha embraces this philosophy at home as well. “It is my job as the parent to decide when we eat and what we eat,” she explained. “But it is your child’s job to decide how much of that they are going to eat.” This approach encourages children to develop a healthier, less emotionally charged relationship with food, something many overwhelmed parents may find refreshing.

The Hidden Pressure on Parents
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Despite the independence French culture promotes in children, Sasha says the pressure placed on parents can feel intense. Teachers frequently comment on sleep habits, eating habits, and behavior. Parents may be told their child appeared tired in class or didn’t eat enough protein at breakfast.

For Sasha, it sometimes feels as though every challenge at school somehow becomes the parent’s responsibility to fix, even when the parent isn’t physically present during the day.

The feedback can feel blunt by American standards, but it also reflects how deeply French culture values routine, structure, and self-regulation.

Why Potty Training Becomes a Power Struggle

As a potty-training consultant, Sasha also shared one of the biggest mistakes parents make during toilet training: constantly asking children whether they need to go. According to Sasha, potty training is both physiological and behavioral. Children must learn to recognize the body’s signals independently.

When parents repeatedly ask, “Do you need to go potty?” toddlers often automatically say no simply to maintain control. More importantly, Sasha says accidents are not failures. They are learning experiences. Children begin connecting physical sensations with the need to use the bathroom only after experiencing those moments firsthand.

She also addressed one of the most common but rarely discussed potty-training struggles: fear of pooping on the toilet. Many toddlers become anxious because the experience feels physically unfamiliar and emotionally vulnerable. Sitting exposed on a potty, rather than standing in a diaper, can feel overwhelming. Rather than treating it as defiance, Sasha encourages parents to approach the issue like any other fear, with patience, exposure, reassurance, and support.
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What Parents Everywhere Can Learn

Throughout the conversation, one thing became clear: there is no perfect parenting system. French parenting offers beautiful lessons in independence, resilience, structure, and food culture. American parenting often provides more flexibility, emotional support, and accommodation for individual learning differences.

But regardless of country, parents are still navigating the same universal questions:

• How do we raise confident children without overwhelming them?
• How do we encourage independence while still offering support?
• And how do we help children thrive when they don’t fit neatly into the system around them?

For Sasha, the answer lies somewhere in the middle, combining structure with empathy and expectations with understanding.

And perhaps that balance is exactly what modern parenting needs most.

You can find Sasha Romary on Instagram at @SashaRomaryParenting and learn more about her coaching services at SashaRomary.com.

When I sat down with Stefanie O’Connell, award-winning journalist and author of The Ambition Penalty, I wanted to unpack the assumptions surrounding career advancement for women, especially moms.
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Stefanie’s work focuses on workplace inequality, and one of the first things she challenged in our conversation was the story we have all been told for years. “We have these myths and misconceptions,” she said. “Like women just aren’t confident, or they aren’t interested in high-paying careers or leadership roles. And yet the data does not support that in any meaningful way.” That insight reframes the problem entirely. This is not about women lacking ambition or drive. It is about how that ambition is received.

From Personal Finance to a Bigger Question

Stefanie did not start her career studying workplace inequality. She began acting in theater, touring internationally and doing work she loved. But financially, it was unstable, and that pushed her to start writing about money. “I thought if I could just figure out how money works, then I could do what I love and have a life I love,” she shared.

Over time, her perspective shifted. Budgeting and saving could only go so far. “You can save a lot, you can spend less,” she explained, “but if you’re not making enough money, there’s only so much you can cut back.”

That realization led her to a deeper question. Why are women consistently earning less, even when they follow all the recommended advice? What she found was not a confidence gap. It was a consequence gap. “It wasn’t that women weren’t asking,” she said. “It was that they were punished when they did.”
​
In practice, Stefanie found out that punishment does not show up as something obvious or formal. It shows up in how women are perceived and treated afterward: “The man is always perceived as being better qualified, and the woman is more likely to be perceived as not being the right fit.” Women who advocate for themselves are more likely to be labeled as difficult, not a team player, or not the right cultural fit. Instead of being rewarded, it can lead to fewer opportunities, less support, and slower advancement. Over time, those reactions shape careers in ways that are hard to trace back to a single moment, but very real in their impact.

How Small Bias Becomes a Big Gap

One of the most powerful parts of Stefanie’s research is how she explains inequality not as a single event, but as a pattern that compounds over time. For example, women often need more education to access the same roles. Their work is more likely to be undervalued. Their contributions are more easily overlooked. “Their performance is consistently undervalued,” Stefanie explained. “Men are more likely to get credit for women’s work, and women’s work is more likely to be seen as less valuable.”

What makes this especially important is how small the initial bias can be.

Stefanie described a study that simulated a corporate structure where men and women entered at the same level and performed equally. When women’s performance was undervalued by just 3%, the long-term impact was dramatic. She explained that a woman would need 17 performance review cycles to reach the executive level, while her male counterpart would need only 8. She would need to complete 208 successful projects to advance, while he would need roughly half that number.
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It is not one missed opportunity. It is thousands of extra hours over a career just to be seen as equally qualified.

 
​When Progress Triggers More Bias

Another surprising insight from Stefanie’s work is that progress does not always reduce bias. In some cases, it can increase it.

Stefanie mentioned a study that analyzed about 1,500 firms, and once a woman landed a top-level job at a company, the chances of another woman being hired to a high-ranking position dropped by about 50%. “When there was a woman on the evaluation committee, men’s bias against women applicants got worse,” Stefanie explained. The presence of a woman in a position of authority appeared to trigger stronger bias among male evaluators.

Rethinking Work-Life Balance

The conversation around working mothers often centers on balance. Can women have it all? What are they willing to sacrifice?

Stefanie challenged that framing directly. “There’s a reason why debates about having it all and work-life balance are almost exclusively had among women,” she said. “It’s because men who have it all typically get it at women’s expense.”

For men, having both a career and a family is not treated as a tradeoff. It is expected. In fact, it is often rewarded. “There’s a fatherhood bonus,” Stefanie explained. “Men are rewarded when they become fathers, while mothers’ careers are more likely to stall.”

The contrast becomes even clearer when looking at time. Statistically, men consistently have more leisure time than women, even in households where both partners work. The difference is not marginal. It amounts to hundreds of additional hours per year.

The Role of Paternity Leave and Cultural Norms

One of the most telling insights Stefanie shared was about paternity leave and how cultural expectations shape behavior. There is a common assumption that men do not take parental leave because they do not want to or because it does not align with their priorities. But the research suggests something different.

“The best predictor of whether men took paternity leave was what other men did,” she said. It was not about personal preference or even family needs. It was about social norms and what was considered acceptable among peers. This highlights a broader issue. Workplace culture does not just shape women’s experiences. It also limits how men show up at home. As long as caregiving is seen as incompatible with masculinity or career ambition, the imbalance at home will continue, and that imbalance will carry over into the workplace.

The Double Bind at Work

For women, the challenge is not just about access to opportunities. It is also about how they are perceived once they are there. “There is no right way for a woman to behave in the workplace,” Stefanie said. If a woman is assertive, she risks being seen as difficult. If she is collaborative, she risks being overlooked. The same behavior that is rewarded in men can be penalized in women.

This double standard shows up across many dimensions, including age and communication style. It creates an environment where women are constantly adjusting, but never quite aligning with expectations.

Beyond Individual Solutions

For years, the dominant message to women has been to fix themselves. Be more confident. Ask for more. Lean in. More recently, a different narrative has emerged, encouraging women to step back or opt out.

Stefanie sees both approaches as limited. “They’re both selling the idea that you can self-optimize your way out of inequality,” she said. But if the system produces unequal outcomes regardless of the path, then the issue is not the individual path. It is the structure itself. “The way you change a system is with collective action,” she said. “It is not something you do alone.”

What This Means for Working Moms

As our conversation came to a close, I asked Stefanie a question that feels very real for many of us. Can a working mom actually win?

Her answer was not about choosing between career and family. It was about shifting how we think about both. “What I want people to do is live more in alignment with what they want,” she said. “And think about how they are either reinforcing the system or challenging it.” That might mean making different choices at work, at home, or in how we raise our children. It might mean questioning assumptions that have gone unchallenged for generations.
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There is no simple solution. But there is clarity in understanding that the pressure many working mothers feel is not just personal. It is structural. And recognizing that may be the first step toward changing it.

What if the struggles so many mothers face are not personal failures, but systemic ones?
​
I sat down with Alexa Starks, founder and CEO of Executive Moms and Mothered Magazine, to unpack one of the most pressing and often misunderstood topics of our time: why modern systems fail working mothers and what real change could look like. Alexa’s story is both deeply personal and widely relatable. And it reveals a truth many women feel but rarely articulate.

From Corporate Climber to System Challenger

Alexa spent over a decade climbing the corporate ladder in advertising. She was ambitious, strategic, and clear about her path forward. Promotions were mapped out. Success felt inevitable.

Then she became a mother.

Her maternity leave and return-to-work experience were not just difficult. They were unsupported, isolating, and ultimately career-altering. She found herself sidelined, overlooked for promotions, and pushed out of opportunities she had worked years to earn.
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At first, she thought it was just her experience. Then she started talking to other working moms. What she discovered changed everything. “This is a very common thing,” she realized. “I refuse to accept that.” That refusal became the foundation of her company, Executive Moms, and later, a broader mission to redesign the system itself.

The Problem Is Not You

One of the most powerful insights Alexa shared is something many mothers need to hear: “The hardest part about motherhood is we internalize systemic failures as our personal failures.” Women often blame themselves for feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, or unable to “do it all.” But according to Alexa, the real issue is not individual capability. It is structural design.

In the United States, many mothers return to work within weeks of giving birth. Affordable childcare is limited. Community support is fragmented. And workplaces are still largely designed around a model that assumes someone else is at home managing the family.

That “someone else” has historically been a woman.

Resilience or Survival

We often celebrate mothers as resilient. And they are. But Alexa challenges us to look deeper. Women are not just resilient by nature. They are often forced into resilience by necessity. There is a difference between thriving and surviving.

In other countries, like the Netherlands and South Korea, postpartum care can include in-home support, community systems, and structured recovery time. In contrast, many American mothers are navigating sleep deprivation, physical recovery, and career pressure simultaneously. “That’s not true resilience,” Alexa explains. “That’s survival.”

Understanding “Matrescence”

Another concept gaining attention is “matrescence,” the process of becoming a mother. It is not just about giving birth. It is a full psychological, emotional, and identity transformation. Much like adolescence, matrescence takes time. It evolves as children grow and as mothers redefine their priorities, ambitions, and sense of self.

The problem is that society does not allow space for that evolution. Women are often expected to return to their pre-baby identity almost immediately. But that version of them no longer exists.
​
Alexa reflected, “It takes so long to fully become who you are as a mother, and that’s still going to evolve as you go through the different phases… Who I am now that my kids are toddlers is different than who I was at six months postpartum, and it’s probably going to be different in two years, in 10 years, when my kids are teenagers… And that’s where we see a lot of women struggle, especially with going back to work, because they’re trying to go back to that pre-baby version of themselves.”

A System Designed Without Women

To understand the root of the issue, Alexa points to the broader structure of society. Many of our systems were designed by men, for men, during a time when women were not fully participating in the workforce. From healthcare research, including tampons and other menstrual products that weren’t tested with real human blood until 2023, to workplace norms, male experiences have historically been the default. The traditional nine-to-five workday, for example, aligns with school schedules that assume one parent is available for caregiving.

When women entered the workforce in larger numbers, the system did not evolve with them. Instead, women were expected to adapt.

What Could a Better System Look Like

Alexa introduces an important distinction. The alternative to a patriarchal system is not a stereotypical matriarchy where women dominate. It is a more balanced, community-centered approach. In more matriarchal or matrifocal societies, values tend to emphasize care, collaboration, and collective well-being rather than dominance and competition.

Even in modern countries, we see glimpses of this shift. Nations that prioritize family policies, healthcare access, and work-life balance often create environments where both parents and children can thrive. Alexa herself has experienced this difference firsthand after moving to the Netherlands. There, she noticed a stronger sense of community, better work-life balance, and normalized flexibility for parents.

The Most Powerful Change Starts at Home

While systemic change can feel overwhelming, Alexa emphasizes that there is one tangible action every parent can take:
Raise good humans.

“Raise kids who are empathetic, compassionate, and stand up for what’s right.” This is not a small task. It is one of the most impactful forms of long-term change. By teaching children to question injustice, respect others, and use their voice for good, parents are shaping the future of society itself.

Redefining Success and Support

At the heart of this conversation is a simple but transformative idea. Success should not be measured solely by productivity, income, or career advancement. A truly successful society is one where people are supported, families are valued, and individuals are allowed to thrive in all aspects of life. For many mothers, that vision still feels out of reach. But voices like Alexa’s are helping to shift the narrative. 

When people talk about equality in relationships, many assume they are starting from the same place. But as Alex Trippier points out, parenting has a way of exposing a very different reality.

Alex Trippier, podcast host, writer, teacher, and speaker, shared his thoughts on the most common mistakes couples make in relationships, especially after children enter the picture. What followed was an honest and nuanced conversation about mental load, resentment, conflict, praise, modern parenthood, and why so many couples struggle once they become parents.

Alex’s insight comes not from theory alone, but from lived experience. He explained that he got married young, had three children by the time he was 30, and truly loved being a dad.
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“I just loved it,” he said. “I loved having young children.”

He was deeply involved in daily parenting. He worked with children professionally, spent a lot of time with his own kids, and was convinced he was doing fatherhood well. “I felt like a great dad,” he said. “I felt like I was nailing it.” The world seemed to agree. He was praised by strangers, by friends, and by other people in his life. But at home, things felt very different.

“The only person who seemed to disagree with my top dad status was my wife, who was really underwhelmed by my kind of fathering.” That disconnect became painful. Their relationship suffered. They argued often, and those arguments had a deep physical and emotional effect on him. “I found those arguments incredibly painful,” Alex said. “They would sort of stay with me in my body for days. They made me feel sick.”

The breakthrough that changed how he saw his marriage

The turning point came when Alex and his wife tried a Gottman exercise focused on understanding each other’s perspectives. The task was not to agree, but to understand the other person well enough to say their perspective back in their own words.

For Alex, it was mind-opening. “It was just so illuminating to realize that A, that my wife saw the world completely different to me, but also that two people could be doing what they thought made them good parents and those be completely different things.”

That insight widened as more of his friends became parents. He began noticing that many of them were having the same arguments. “I basically looked around at all my mates having kids and realized that everyone was having identical arguments.”
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That realization led him to a deeper understanding. The issues were not just personal. They were cultural. They were about the very different expectations placed on mothers and fathers.

Discovering the language mothers already had

Alex described picking up The Motherhood Complex by Melissa Hogenboom and immediately realizing there was an entire conversation happening that many men never entered. “From the second I opened it, I was like, wow, there’s this kind of huge debate raging amongst mothers. There’s all these words, mental load, maternal gatekeeping, like all these things that describe the things that I can see going on around me. But no one expects dads to read these books.”
That was a major part of the problem. The information existed, but it was not assumed to be relevant to men. Alex was struck by how much of motherhood involved guilt, shame, and judgment in ways that simply did not apply to fathers.
“All of that stuff is just completely absent for men.”

Once he began to understand those patterns, it changed the way he responded. Instead of seeing the issue as personal criticism, he could see it as something much bigger than himself. “Because they weren’t about me, I didn’t have to be defensive about them. Because it was everyone,” said Alex. “It was just enormously freeing.”

What mental load actually looks like

One of the clearest parts of our conversation was Alex’s explanation of mental load. He was not absent. In fact, he was doing many of the visible parenting tasks. But he was not carrying the invisible planning behind them. “I was taking my kids to the doctor. I was taking my kids to school. I was going to parents’ evening. I was cooking dinner.”

But then he explained what he had missed.

“What I hadn’t done was book the doctor’s appointment. I didn’t know when the shots were for the kids. I hadn’t kind of ordered the food to make the dinner. I hadn’t been the one who’d done the research for the school.”

That distinction matters. A parent can look highly involved while still relying on the other parent to do the anticipating, planning, scheduling, and decision-making that keeps everything running. Alex summed it up plainly: “I was showing up, but only once everything else had been sorted out for me.”

And that led to the kind of misunderstanding that many women know well. One partner is stressed, overextended, and mentally carrying the whole operation. The other is confused because, from their point of view, family life looks manageable and even enjoyable.

“I was like, what’s your problem? Why are you so stressed? This whole thing is really, really fun. The problem is you and your attitude.”
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Then came the truth he had not been seeing. “My wife was working just as hard as me outside of the home and then twice as hard in it.”

Why do so many couples struggle after having kids? How can wives ask their spouses for help? Why is complaining about mental load and household chores often a really bad pitch for men, and how can you ask for help in a way that is constructive and more likely to be received positively? Why is there still a huge imbalance in societal expectations when it comes to parenting, and how can spouses support each other instead of fighting?

For these insights and more, tune into Trust Me Mom Podcast, Episode 36 with Alex Trippier, available on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

“You’ve rented space in your wife’s brain”

Alex has spoken online about the everyday ways men end up relying on women’s mental tracking systems. One of his most viral examples is simple but revealing.

He talked about asking his wife how many potatoes they had in the house. On the surface, it sounds trivial. But beneath it is the whole structure of mental load. “My wife is constantly stock keeping, right? She knows what’s in the cupboard in a way that I’m not.”

These are the kinds of tiny defaults that quietly push family management back onto mothers. And Alex emphasized that even with awareness, this takes ongoing effort.

“It’s constant work for both of us.” Why? Because the assumptions are deeply ingrained. “These assumptions that these things belong to mums, they’re incredibly powerful.”

He gave a concrete example involving their 17-year-old daughter’s trip abroad. When their daughter casually asked him for a ride to the airport, he suddenly realized how much his wife had already done without them ever discussing it. “She booked the tickets. She’d had all the conversations with all the other parents to make sure everything was safe. She’d ordered a shop for her to bring groceries, like just everything.”

Again, the visible task was easy. The invisible work behind it was enormous.

Why women’s anger is understandable, but not always persuasive

One of the most thought-provoking points Alex made was about the way the conversation around mental load is often presented to men.

He was very clear that women are often right. “Most of the time that is what is going on and that is absolutely what I was missing.” But he also explained why anger alone may not move men into action. As he put it, the message often becomes: “The mental load, the running of a household, the being in charge of all this stuff is terrible and painful and I want you to do it instead.”

Then he added, “Now that’s an appalling pitch.” He joked that this kind of pitch won’t “make it through the door” in a corporate environment.

His point was not that women should be less honest. It was that many men do not respond well to being handed something framed purely as misery. So what does work?

He offered one pitch that, in his experience, resonates with a lot of men: “Do you hate being told what to do all the time?” If the answer is yes, then the solution is clear. “If you don’t want to be told what to do all the time, then you’ve got to take charge of some of these areas.”

That means ownership, not passive help. It means taking over a task from start to finish, including the mistakes that come with learning.

Sometimes it is not weaponized incompetence

Alex also addressed a phrase that comes up often in these conversations: weaponized incompetence. He knows many listeners are quick to use it, but he made an important distinction.

“Sometimes it’s just incompetence, all right? Like sometimes it’s just not very good at stuff. No one’s ever told us we’re supposed to be good at it. We’ve never done it before.”

That does not excuse staying incompetent. But it does matter when couples are trying to change patterns. If a man is genuinely new to a task, there will likely be mistakes. The key is what happens next.

Alex shared a memorable story about packing for a family trip. He took responsibility, gathered all the children’s things, and even remembered the kite he was excited to bring. “I spent ages looking for the kite. I remembered the kite, but I forgot their socks.” All three children arrived without socks. What mattered was not that he forgot. What mattered was that he had to solve it. “Now I’m going to fix it.” He found a store that was open to buy the socks and even asked other parents for a spare pair.

That is the formula he keeps returning to. If a husband does the task and gets it wrong, he still has to be the one who carries the consequences and fixes the problem. Otherwise, the job has not really left his wife’s mental load.

Praise matters, but so does seeing the invisible work

We also talked about praise, and Alex was thoughtful about the complicated role it plays in fatherhood.

He acknowledged that men often receive a lot of praise for visible parenting. Dads get admired for things mothers do every day without comment. “There’s just something about dads playing with their kids that I think is lovely,” he said, describing the reaction many people have.

That praise can encourage involvement, but it can also reinforce a very low bar. “The universe thinks I’m a great dad, you’re clearly the problem because you can’t see that I’m a great dad.”

That mindset created real problems in his marriage. At the same time, he realized he was not seeing, and therefore not praising, the unseen labor his wife was carrying. “I wasn’t praising my wife for any of the invisible labor that she was doing because it was invisible and I had to train myself to see it.”

Once he did start seeing it, appreciation changed the atmosphere at home. He gave the example of finally noticing everything his wife had done to organize their daughter’s trip. “You’ve just organized this whole thing, haven’t you?” Then, just as importantly: “Wow, you’re amazing.”

He believes this matters deeply. “If you start noticing the thing your partner is doing, and I think this is men’s job, men should do this, if you start noticing, you will see it, you call it out, you will start getting it back.”

The four horsemen of bad conflict

Alex also reflected on the Gottman Institute’s four horsemen: criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling, and contempt. He described the conflict pattern he and his wife used to repeat again and again.

“Our row was my wife would criticize. I’d get incredibly defensive.” Then it escalated. “We would go back and forth until I said something nasty, like hurtful. And then she would stonewall.” For him, that silence was unbearable. Eventually he would apologize, but not because the issue was resolved. “I would apologize even though I didn’t really believe it. And then so nothing got sorted.”

That cycle is one many couples will recognize. For Alex, one of the most important shifts was learning how to begin difficult conversations without criticism. He knows that is especially hard when you are tired and overwhelmed, but he believes it changes everything.

Instead of starting with accusation, he recommends starting with something more honest and vulnerable: “I’m really hurt. I’m really upset when this happened.”

And then adding, “I know you’ve not done it to hurt me, but this is how it feels to me when this happened.” That kind of opening makes it much harder for the other person to become instantly defensive.

A fight about chairs was not really about chairs

One of the best examples Alex shared was a recurring fight about dining room chairs. Their chairs were too big for the table, and when he did homework or school projects with the children, he would leave them out because they were awkward to move. His wife would come in and loudly push them back under the table.

They fought about it repeatedly.

But when they did the Gottman exercise and listened carefully to each other’s perspective, they realized the chairs represented something much deeper. For Alex, sitting with his children to help with homework was emotionally significant. “It was this big deal for me that I was gonna sit and give my kids this thing that I never got.”

For his wife, neatness and order were closely tied to her sense of safety and what it meant to be a good mother. “For her neatness and order and everything being where it was supposed to be was her way of being a good mum.”

Then came the larger realization. “You’re not bad, I’m not bad. This is us doing the best that we can … really, really trying for our children. And we just see this thing differently.”

And yes, the practical outcome was simple. “I am now gonna put the chairs back.”

Why being home with young children is so exhausting

We also discussed modern motherhood and why caring for young children is often underestimated, especially by people who compare it to traditional masculine work.

Alex said that when he talks about motherhood, many men respond with a list of the difficult things they do, often jobs involving the car, DIY, drains, repairs, or finances. But he sees a major difference between those responsibilities and the work mothers are typically carrying.

“These masculine jobs tend to be completable. They have a start and a finish and they’ll come up sporadically.” By contrast, he said the work often falling to mothers is “daily grind.” “It’s just constant meal prep. It’s laundry. It’s not even the doing of the laundry, but it’s like, where do all the clothes live in the house?” That kind of work never really ends. It renews itself every day, every season, every stage of childhood.

He also made the important point that expectations around parenting have risen dramatically. The standard for what makes a good mother is far more intensive than it was decades ago. “The expectations on what motherhood is,” he said, “have just got harder and harder and harder.”

Then he offered a blunt conclusion that many women will immediately recognize as true: “Being a stay-at-home mum is actually much harder than it was in the 70s.”

The case for paternity leave

Alex also spoke powerfully about the importance of fathers having time alone in full charge of their children. Not time supported by systems their partner quietly set up, but true sole responsibility.

Reflecting on his own experience, he admitted that for a long time he only thought he understood what his wife was doing. “I was living off systems, I was living off things you put in place and finding it really easy.”

Only later, when he had to manage without those supports, did he fully grasp the strain. “I’m really quite stressed and not having, this isn’t just kind of a great party time with the kids. I’m really shattered.”

He connected this to paternity leave policies in places like Norway, where fathers spend dedicated time alone caring for their child. In his view, that kind of experience changes men profoundly because they are finally forced to understand what caregiving really requires.

Rethinking masculinity

Toward the end of our conversation, Alex challenged the idea that older, more authoritarian models of masculinity are the answer to modern relationship struggles.

He dislikes the phrase “traditional masculinity” because he does not believe the world has always looked the same. But he was clear that the old model, where men are obeyed, emotionally distant, and dominant, is not the solution. “That is the disease,” he said.

What has brought him closer to his children, his partner, and his friends is not emotional hardness. It is emotional courage. “Being vulnerable and going and talking to someone that you love about the things that aren’t going well in your life, the things that you think might be wrong with you, the things that you’re scared of, that has led to me having incredibly deep relationships.”

I his view, vulnerability is not weakness - it takes strength. “Those things I’m describing, being vulnerable, being emotional with people, that’s what they take, right? They take bravery and they take resilience. They take toughness.”

The most important thing couples need to understand

As we wrapped up, Alex offered what may be the most important insight of the whole conversation. “You may come from a culture where you think that men and women are equal. But what becomes really apparent when you have children is that no culture at the moment feels that way about moms and dads.”

That is not about blame. It is about seeing reality clearly. “Once you can acknowledge that there is this real imbalance in what’s expected of your partner and that she is going to respond to those expectations,” he said, “then that becomes an external problem that you can both deal with together rather than it being this war that’s between you.”

That reframing is powerful. It shifts the conversation away from personal failure and toward shared responsibility. It gives couples a chance to stop fighting each other and start understanding the larger forces shaping their lives.
And that matters, because as Alex noted, the years of raising young children should be a season of shared purpose. Instead, they are often the period of greatest marital dissatisfaction.
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His message offers a better path. Awareness. Ownership. Appreciation. Vulnerability. Teamwork. Not perfection. But partnership.

Mike Draper did not take the traditional route to becoming a father who talks about parenting, relationships, and character-building online. He is a veteran, a former police officer (including SWAT), an entrepreneur, and a content creator. When you talk to him, his identity is crystal clear: “That's my favorite part. I never knew how much I would love being a dad until the moment I met Ellie.”

Mike shared with me how becoming a father transformed his priorities, why kids need structure more than perfection, and what he believes parents can do right now to raise resilient, thoughtful children. He also reminded me that humor matters, and he practices what he preaches, using it both in his content and in his everyday life as a dad.

From “Not a Great Student” to a Life Built Through Hard Things

Mike is candid about where he started. He was not the kid teachers would have bet on. “I was not a great student in high school. My freshman year, I failed nine out of 15 classes out of pure laziness.”

Sports helped him stay afloat academically, but what really changed his trajectory was the military. It started with something surprisingly simple: the cost of college. “I got a tuition bill from my local community college for I think it was like nine hundred and forty dollars for a fire science degree.” At that time, he thought it was, “Way too much money. I'm just going to join the military instead.”

He served in the Air Force for just over six years, living in multiple countries, then returned to Oregon, finished his bachelor’s degree while still serving, and became a police officer outside Portland. That career gave him a crash course in humanity. “Learned a lot, so much as a human, how humans interact, their motivations, their intentions, just a... super-fast life lesson… week one as a police officer.”

Later, he earned an MBA and ultimately moved into entrepreneurship and content creation. At first, it was to generate leads in a commission-based career. From there, it grew into teaching personal branding and sales systems to business owners.
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No matter how many professional “doors” he opened, Mike’s motivation stayed anchored in one thing: showing up for Ellie.

“I Will Let Nobody Hurt You”: The Moment Fatherhood Became Real

Mike describes a moment many parents recognize instantly: the shift from “I am going to have a child” to “this is a whole human being.”
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“And so the moment Ellie was born, and I lay eyes on her and hold her, I’m like, ‘I get it. I’m meeting Ellie for the first time,’ right? Which I don’t know if that’s a great way of explaining it, but it’s when I meet her — she’s her own individual person, her own being. And I’m like, ‘I will let nobody hurt you, little girl. You are mine to take care of,’ and just such a sense of responsibility and duty to take care of this little thing…”

That protective instinct becomes, in Mike’s view, a parenting philosophy. Your role is not to be liked. Your role is to prepare your child for life. “And it's when I tell my daughter that … I'm your dad first, and I'm your friend second.” He does not say this to create distance. He says it to create trust. Trust is built on consistency, guidance, and values. “I have a job here to make sure that you're taken care of and that I'm preparing you for life.”

The Reminder That Changes Everything: You Will Know Them Longer as Adults

One of Mike’s most powerful reflections is about time, and how quickly childhood passes, even when the days feel long. “Someone said for the majority of your life, you will know your children as adults. They're only small for a short while. This phase feels endless, but it's actually the shortest one.”

For Mike, this is not just a sentimental idea. It is a practical parenting mindset that helps him stay patient in the messy moments. “It’s just a reminder to zoom out and, and really recognize this isn't going to last for a long time. You're in the good old days.”

He even finds meaning in the little annoyances that pile up at home. “It's just a reminder that it's for a short while, but you're going to miss it. You're going to miss these things, even picking up. I'm thinking about my house here. I'm picking up some slime and some toys or whatever it is…”
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Mike’s message is clear: presence does not require perfection. It requires attention. “Cherish it, lean in, be super present, get off your phone, go play with your kids, go listen to their stories. I don't care how bad their stories are. Go listen to them.”

In this episode of Trust Me Mom (Season 2, Episode 35) available on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, Mike Draper, a veteran, former police officer, entrepreneur, and influencer with more than 2.3 million followers, shared the lessons he has learned while raising his daughter, Ellie. Mike told me how becoming a father reshaped his priorities, why kids need structure and high expectations paired with strong support, and why parents must model the values they hope their children will develop. From his early struggles in school to the military, policing, and entrepreneurship, Mike’s journey showed how growth often comes from doing hard things.
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We also explored practical parenting ideas families can apply right away: why childhood passes faster than we realize, how to stay present in everyday moments, and how to help kids build confidence through effort and resilience. Mike emphasized that parents do not need perfect routines or complicated systems to raise strong kids. What matters most is showing up with consistency, honesty, humor, and the willingness to grow alongside them.

High Standards, High Support, and Why Parents Have to Go First

Mike and I discussed a parenting framework research often points to: high expectations paired with high support. Mike does not label it “gentle” or “strict.” He calls it structure, and he calls it growth. “I do believe that humans are either growing or they're declining, right? There is no neutral.”

He believes kids want structure because people want to improve. It feels good to win in your own life. “Humans like structure. They like to be needed; they like to grow. It feels good to expand what you’re good at and to improve what you’re weak at. It feels good. That’s winning, right?”

Then he brings it down to real parenting examples. He is not saying “be disciplined” in theory. He is saying: train for something hard and meaningful and show your child what consistency looks like. “She got her splits down in under 30 days… And then the next huge milestone was a pull-up. She had to have at least one strict pull-up, unassisted, from a dead-arm hang to chin above the bar, a full pull-up. And she got it. It took her six months to get it…”

He remembers what happened next, and every parent wants to witness it: earned confidence. “And her face, her body, and her reactions — and her confidence level across everything else she did besides pull-ups — were sky-high for so long afterwards.”

Mike is also blunt about the cost. You cannot hold your child to standards you refuse to live yourself. “If you're going to hold your kids to a high standard, it requires you to be on the same level.”

The Most Practical “Time” Advice: Check Your Screen Time

Parents often ask how to find time for it all: work, health, kids, marriage, life. Mike’s answer starts with honesty: “You have to do a self-audit. You’ve got to find the holes in your bucket. You have to relentlessly say no and cut other things out.”

Then he gives an action step that is simple and uncomfortable. “Whoever’s watching this right now, pull your phone out and open your settings. I want you to look at your screen time. How many hours are you spending on your phone? Just write it down. I'm not asking you to change it. Just write it down and see if it changes your life.”

The point is not shame. The point is awareness.

The Non-Negotiable That Keeps Everything Else Standing: Sleep

When families feel stretched thin, sleep is usually the first sacrifice. Mike thinks that is the biggest mistake. “Sleep should not go. If something is breaking apart in someone's life and one of the burners is burning down, I see sleep is kind of the first one to go. And that is literally the one thing you should not let go.”

For him, this is not motivational talk. It is biology. “It is the only spot that your body and your brain repairs itself from the rigors and stressors of life.”

Growth Comes From the Hard Things, and the Doors You Choose

When I asked Mike where he believes he grew the most, his answer was not tied to one job or one milestone. It was tied to discomfort. “The first thing that comes to mind is doing hard things.” He shared a metaphor that captures how parenting, careers, and big life changes really work. You do not see the full path until you start moving. “You gotta pick a door… You gotta go through door number one before you can look at door number 10. You just gotta start taking action.”

Parenting and Relationships: Do Not Tell Kids What to Do, Help Them Think

When we talked about dating, media, and the messages kids absorb, Mike pointed out something many parents struggle with. If you lecture, kids tune out. If you help them build discernment, they learn. “If you tell them the answer, it's not going to hit home if they think of it themselves as much right?”

Instead of “Do not date that guy,” he recommends a better approach, one that builds critical thinking. While watching movies with questionable character behavior, Mike recommends casually analyzing that behavior with your kids. “Just ask. Here's one idea is ask your daughter or son. If someone was doing that, what would you do or how would you feel? What do think they're going to do next?”

In Mike’s view, kids are not fragile. They are inexperienced, and they need reps. “Kids are just adults who haven't learned how to articulate their feelings as well, because they have fewer reps.”

The Parenting Win That Matters Most: Teach in the Moment

Some of the best parenting moments are small, and they happen right when something goes wrong. Mike shared a story about Ellie running through a parking lot to gymnastics. “She bolted from the car in the parking lot to the sidewalk, going through the parking lot.”

He did not wait until bedtime. He stopped everything. “No, we’re going to stay here all night until we have this quick conversation. That’s going to last 30 seconds, 20 seconds.”

Then he explained why it mattered, right when the lesson could stick. “It’ll save her life one day.”

He believes timing matters because emotion creates memory. “Your brain will attach memories to emotions. And good, bad, scary, this, that, whatever the emotion is, those are the things you remember.”

What I Am Taking From This Conversation

Mike Draper does not preach parenting as a performance. He lives it as a responsibility, with joy, intensity, and a deep respect for who his daughter is becoming.

His approach is a reminder that parents do not need perfect routines or elaborate systems to be better parents. We need standards, support, and presence.

We have all seen the memes about moms waiting for AI to take over their jobs. The mental load of motherhood has become a cultural shorthand for the invisible labor women carry every day. Doctor’s appointments. School schedules. Birthday parties. Grocery lists. Work deadlines. And the constant question humming in the background: Am I doing enough?
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For Sarah Dooley, founder of AI-Empowered Mom, that question became deeply personal. What began as survival mode with three children under 18 months turned into a mission to help parents use AI as a partner in managing modern family life.

​When “Having It All Under Control” Falls Apart

When Sarah and I first met years ago, she was a business executive who later became a technology consultant, traveling for work. No children. Structured life. Systems in place. “When we first met, I thought I had it all under control,” she told me. “I didn’t have any kids. I think I was married maybe at that time, traveling as a technology consultant. But life seemed pretty well controlled.”

Then motherhood arrived. In 2018, after multiple miscarriages, she welcomed her first daughter. Eighteen months later, she found out she was pregnant with twins. “Imagine having a nine-month-old and then finding out that twins were on the way,” she said.

Suddenly she had three children under 18 months and a demanding consulting career. The control she once felt disappeared overnight. “With three kids under 18 months, plus a career in technology consulting, I no longer had anything under control. Life was crazy from day to day. And just one sick person. One change in schedule. One delayed flight could throw everything off balance.”

Sarah and I chuckled when she recalled, “I used to make my own dog food. I would cook everything from scratch, even cook for my dog. And I guess I thought that maybe, if that’s the kind of dog mom I was, that’s what kind of human mom I would be. But absolutely not. I’m an Amazon mom. I’m a make-it-happen-in-whatever-way-makes-the-most-sense-for-this-family mom. I am not cooking from scratch for any dogs or hardly any humans anymore.”

It was not the physical exhaustion that hit hardest. “It wasn’t the physical load of motherhood that was so hard,” she explained. “It was all of the things that I was carrying in my mind for work and for life and for my children.”
The mental checklist never ended. “All the little day-to-day things that I needed to remember: the doctor’s appointments, who needs their nails cut, who’s due for their vaccinations, when am I going to get my gray roots dyed, are we saving enough for college, am I making the right decisions about the kids’ futures?”
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That invisible labor became overwhelming. “It was the mental load of parenting that was so hard for me.”

From Automation at Home to AI at Scale

Sarah did what many high performing women do when overwhelmed. She built systems.

She automated lights, sound machines, bedtime routines, grocery deliveries. Anything she could take off her mental list. “I automated a ton of systems around the house. Anything I could get off of my list.”

But the true breakthrough came when generative AI became widely available. At the time, Sarah was working at Visa in a dedicated AI role, leading strategy and operations for teams rolling out tools like ChatGPT and Microsoft Copilot. “I was spending a lot of time at work helping employees be more productive,” she said. “And I thought, if this can help people so much at work, it can help people who are doing the most important work, which is caring for others.”

That realization became AI-Empowered Mom. “It started with me, one overwhelmed mom with three kids under 18 months,” she said. “And now it has grown into a business that I love.”

Her mission is simple. “My passion is helping parents use AI and automation to improve their lives, make things a little bit easier, and specifically take all of that stuff that we’re carrying in our heads as moms and get a partner to help us manage it.”

Removing the Barriers

Sarah did not initially set out to build a product. She started by teaching AI classes in her living room, then corporate workshops. Surprisingly, she kept hearing the same resistance from parents. “AI felt like just one more thing to learn. Prompt engineering is a barrier. It doesn’t sound like something that is easy and intuitive. And we are overwhelmed with apps.”

So, she decided to simplify it. “I just decided I would knock them down and build a solution of my own.”

AI-Empowered Mom is a text-based tool. No app to download. No complicated prompts. “You can just text and text message and communicate in the natural way that you communicate. You don’t have to engineer a prompt. You don’t have to download an app.”

The tool focuses on core pain points like meal planning and calendar management. And it learns your family. “We’ve created a little quizlet when you sign up to share information about your family’s dietary restrictions and preferences,” she explained. “In my household, we’ve got somebody who hates peas, we’ve got someone who can’t stand mushrooms, and the AI solution remembers all of those things.”

Transparency is built in. “If you want to know what the tool knows about you, it’s right there in your dashboard. You can log in and see all of the context. And if you want to edit it or remove things, you can do that too.”

For calendars, it integrates with Google Calendar to help identify conflicts and reschedule when needed. It also sends daily and weekly previews so parents can see what is coming without opening multiple apps. “I just wish I could get a simple snapshot from my assistant that tells me what’s coming,” she said. “I don’t want to go and seek for that.”

In this episode of Trust Me Mom (Season 2, episode 34) available on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, Sarah Dooley, founder of AI-Empowered Mom, shared how becoming a mother of three children under 18 months upended her sense of control and exposed the intense mental load she was carrying every day.

She explained how generative AI, which she worked with professionally in her role at Visa, became a practical support system at home. From meal planning and calendar management to custom bedtime stories, Sarah discussed how AI could help parents offload cognitive overwhelm without adding another complicated app to their lives.

We also talked about AI safety for kids, the importance of parental AI literacy, and why using technology intentionally could create more calm and connection in the family, not less.

When Everything Falls Apart

Even with systems, motherhood humbles us. “I think I have it all under control and then it all falls apart and I pick it back up and try it another way,” Sarah said.

She shared a story from her time at Visa when her children were sick and she was needed urgently at work. “I needed to be in both places,” she recalled. “I didn’t have any backup care at home, and I didn’t have any backup at work.”

She told a colleague she was ready to quit. “I remember confiding to my friend Jessica saying, I’m going to quit. I can’t do it.” Jessica’s response changed everything. “She just looked at me and said, don’t quit. Don’t quit. Just keep going.”
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That moment of support mattered. “I needed the kindness of another woman at work to tell me, ‘You can do this. This day will pass. Something drops. It’s going to be okay. Just keep going.’”

Talking to AI in the Closet

One of the most unexpected parts of our conversation was Sarah’s honesty about how she personally uses AI when she feels overwhelmed.

“When I get to those moments where I feel that I’m at my breaking point, I do often rely on AI to help talk me down,” she admitted. She uses ChatGPT voice mode. “I go into my closet or in my car, somewhere where I can be alone and just talk through everything that I’m feeling.”

She is clear that AI is not a therapist. But sometimes, access to a human in that moment is not possible. “When I feel like I just can’t take one more thing, I do turn on voice mode and talk to AI,” she said. “It doesn’t even really matter the guidance that AI gives. But just the action of taking everything that is swirling in my mind and talking it all out.”

For adults who understand the limitations of AI, it can be a pressure release valve. “I am AI literate. I know the limitations of the system,” she said. “That’s why it’s different for adults to offload to AI versus teens.”

AI and Kids: The Reality Is Already Here

Many parents still ask when children should start using AI. Sarah believes we may already be past that question. “A report was published by Aura at the end of 2025,” she explained. “They found that 73 percent of kids were already using AI.”

The implications are serious. She cited data showing that children are using AI not just for homework but for companionship. Violence appears in conversations around age 11. Romantic themes by 13. “These results floored me,” she said. “This is too young.”

Her advice is not to panic, but to engage. “The most important thing that we can do as parents is increase our own AI literacy so that we can keep the lines of communication open with our children.”

She uses AI side by side with her six-year-old twins and eight-year-old daughter. “I love it when we get a hallucination or some crazy response because that gives me the chance to talk to them about how this is a computer system. It makes mistakes. We can’t trust it.”

Bedtime Stories and the “Mean Mom Voice”

One of her earliest use cases was bedtime stories. With three small children, evenings were the hardest part of the day. “I am an early bird. By the end of the day, I am worn out and worn thin and sometimes I have very little left to give.”
She would prompt ChatGPT to create short, personalized stories tailored to her children’s interests and even behavioral challenges. “Give a story about what happens when children don’t brush their teeth. Make it be about Anna and Elsa in a frozen village and make it less than five minutes.”

On nights when her tank was empty, she used the read aloud feature. “It could be a game changer,” she said. “I’m right there snuggled up with them, getting a calm bedtime routine. I’m not using my mean voice.”

She knows some critics argue that this is letting robots raise children. “I do get those comments,” she said. “But every family has to decide for themselves.”

For her, the tool creates more connection, not less. “If I can use AI to make life a little bit easier, to find a little bit more time for connection, it really works for our family.”

A Book for Families

Sarah is currently writing a book on AI for families, to be published by Wiley in 2027. “The purpose of the book is really first to give just the high level points of AI 101, what families really need to know,” she said. “And then talk about the family that you want to be, and how you can use AI to create or empower the family that you want to be.”

Her message is not that AI replaces parents. It is that AI can be a tool. A support. A system. A partner in managing the invisible load so many mothers carry alone.

And sometimes, when everything feels like too much, it can even be a quiet voice in the closet saying, you are doing your best.