​Parenting often feels like it should come naturally. Yet, for many of us, the journey reveals just how much learning, healing, and growth it truly demands. In a recent conversation on the Trust Me Mom show, I had the pleasure of speaking with Hunter Clarke-Fields, an author, speaker, podcaster, and creator of the Mindful Parenting course and teacher training program.

Hunter’s journey from overwhelmed mom to mindful parenting advocate is deeply inspiring—and packed with lessons for all of us striving to do better.

From Struggle to Strength: Hunter’s Parenting Journey
 
Hunter didn’t become a parenting expert and advocate because it came easily to her. Quite the opposite. She openly shared that she struggled with anger and reactivity, especially when parenting her oldest, highly sensitive daughter.
“I was a highly sensitive kid. I had some issues with the way I was responding to her, and I was yelling at her and I was scaring her. And it was awful because that's exactly how I didn't want to parent.”

Despite having practiced mindfulness before becoming a parent, Hunter found herself yelling—something she had vowed never to repeat from her own upbringing. “That's how my father was with me. He had a really terrible temper, and I had specifically chosen to not yell, and yet I was yelling. So, it was really frustrating for me.”
 
Desperate for change, she dove into learning, becoming certified in Parent Effectiveness Training and embracing tools from mindfulness practices. One critical realization shaped her path: No parenting skill is effective if we can’t first manage our own stress responses. “I got certified as a Parent Effectiveness Training teacher. I did so much stuff. And I realized that all this learning I was doing about how to respond to your kids was useless if you couldn't take care of your stress response. If you were getting activated, if you were getting reactive, if you were starting to lose it, then everything you learned would go out the window. And I saw that pretty clearly with myself.

And so I saw that the tools from the world of mindfulness really had to come in here, because before then, we had just been assuming that parents could just perfectly do anything we chose to do and that we were like a blank slate. And the truth is, we have a lot of healing to do.”

Mindfulness became her bridge to better parenting—helping her recognize, pause, and respond rather than react.

Parenting Is a New Language

Hunter likens parenting skills like reflective listening to learning a new language. It can feel awkward at first, but practicing skills like validating children’s emotions, listening without dismissing, and managing our own emotional triggers pays off tremendously over time. As she shared, "Whenever you can put that work in, it pays dividends down the line like crazy."
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Building Emotional Regulation: Long-Term and In-the-Moment Strategies
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Hunter emphasized two approaches to help parents stay calm during challenging moments:

1. Long-Term Practice

Building emotional resilience isn’t just about surviving crisis moments—it’s about daily mindfulness habits.
Some ideas include:

• Taking mindful walks, focusing on your footsteps.
• Practicing short, daily meditations (even three minutes counts).
• Reducing device distractions to stay present.

Research even shows that mindfulness physically changes the brain—shrinking the amygdala (our stress center) and strengthening the prefrontal cortex (our rational, problem-solving center).

2. Short-Term Techniques: The Three Rs

• Recognize: Name your emotions out loud ("I'm feeling frustrated.").
• Remove: If possible, take a quick break to cool down safely.
• Resources: Use tools to regulate your body, such as deep breathing, shaking out tension, or repeating calming mantras like, “This is not an emergency.”

Modeling this healthy self-regulation teaches children emotional intelligence and resilience.

Honesty Over Perfection

One powerful takeaway was the importance of honestly naming emotions. Pretending to be calm when you’re boiling inside teaches children to distrust their instincts. Hunter encouraged parents to acknowledge feelings ("I'm feeling really upset. I need a break.") in a non-blaming way, emphasizing ownership of emotions rather than projecting them onto the child.
Children don’t need perfect parents—they need models for how healthy adults manage emotions.

Supporting Neurodivergent Kids

For parents of neurodivergent children, the stakes—and challenges—can feel even higher. Hunter advises:

• Recognize when the child has a problem (not the parent).
• Stay steady and calm, acting as a supportive listener.
• Validate their feelings without dismissing or overreacting.

As Hunter put it, “Well, it's really helpful in situations like this to understand who has a problem… When you have a problem, when your needs aren't being met, you want to solve your problem. But when your child has a problem, when your child gets dirty or your child has a boo-boo or whatever it is, whatever [the] size of the reaction is, it's still your child's problem. It's not your problem…But then you're the helper.” For example, if a child is distressed after touching something "dirty," acknowledge their distress rather than minimizing or escalating it. Meeting their emotional needs respectfully builds trust and emotional resilience.

When Problems Become Bigger: Seeking Help

In cases where behaviors escalate into self-harming routines (like obsessive hand-washing), Hunter recommends partnering with mental health professionals. Healing and habit change must come through empathy, intrinsic motivation, and support—not force or blame.

Fostering Resilience Through Failure

Allowing kids to fail safely and experience natural consequences builds resilience. Hunter shared how activities like free play, crafting, and even making small purchases independently can teach valuable life skills over time. Importantly, parents need to resist overprotecting their children due to their own past traumas.
As Hunter wisely noted: "Your kids don’t need you to be serene all the time. They need you to model what a healthy adult does with big feelings."

Wisdom from 500+ Podcast Interviews

Hunter also reflected on the lessons she's learned through interviewing hundreds of experts on the Mindful Mama Podcast, including:

• Lenore Skenazy on giving kids more independence.
• Gabor Maté on childhood trauma and emotional healing.
• Bethany Saltman on true attachment, which is rooted in emotional attunement, not co-sleeping or other surface behaviors.

Her work continues to emphasize the transformative power of mindful parenting—built through small, consistent steps.

Heal Yourself to Help Your Child

Parenting mindfully is hard work, especially when we carry our own childhood wounds. But as Hunter beautifully reminds us: "You can’t give what you don’t have. You have to cultivate inside what you want to express on the outside."
Starting with small steps—like daily mindfulness, emotional honesty, and compassionate listening—can create profound change for ourselves and our children.

Hunter’s Books
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Hunter’s popular books, including Raising Good Humans, Raising Good Humans Every Day, and the Raising Good Humans Guided Journal, are practical, compassionate guides packed with actionable tools for everyday parenting challenges. Her writing helps parents translate complex research into easy-to-implement daily practices.
 

​Parenting is never easy, but it becomes especially challenging when your child is struggling with their mental health. For many parents, recognizing and understanding the signs of depression or self-harm can feel like an overwhelming task. To shed light on these issues and provide valuable guidance, Ekaterina Konovalova sat down with Wendy McSparren, a seasoned clinical social worker with over three decades of experience in mental health. Wendy is also the founder of Westmoreland Psychotherapy Associates, a practice that has grown significantly to meet the increasing need for mental health services, especially during the pandemic.

In this conversation, Wendy shared her expertise on recognizing signs of depression, the complexities surrounding self-harm in kids and adolescents, and how parents can support their children through these difficult times.
 
From Accounting to Psychology: Wendy’s Journey Into Mental Health

Wendy’s path to becoming a clinical social worker is rooted in her own experiences as a young adult. Originally an accounting major in college, she found herself unhappy in the field. After speaking with a psychologist who encouraged her to pursue a career that involved working with people, Wendy switched to psychology. She later pursued social work at the University of Pittsburgh, which she found deeply rewarding. Reflecting on her early struggles, Wendy emphasized how personal experiences shaped her passion for helping others. "I want to give hope to people that you can have struggles and difficulties in life, but there's hope and there's light at the other end of the tunnel," she shared.

Depression in Adolescents: More Than Just Feeling Sad

One of the most pressing issues facing parents today is understanding depression in their children, especially when they may not exhibit the "classic" symptoms. Wendy explained that it’s essential to differentiate between clinical depression and situational depression. While both can cause significant emotional distress, the causes and treatment options differ.
 
Situational depression often arises from life stressors such as a family issue, a personal loss, or school challenges. This form of depression is typically temporary, with emotional support and coping strategies helping the individual overcome it.
 
On the other hand, clinical depression has deeper biological roots and may require professional intervention, including medication. This can be especially tricky for parents when it comes to children and adolescents whose bodies are still developing. Wendy noted that many parents hesitate to consider medication for their kids due to concerns about its impact on growth and development.
 
Signs of Depression: More Than Just Sadness

While sadness and isolation are the hallmark symptoms of depression, Wendy pointed out that adolescents may also express their depression in less obvious ways, such as anger and irritability. This can be confusing for parents who may not immediately recognize these behaviors as signs of depression.
 
Furthermore, Wendy discussed the varying degrees of suicidal thoughts. "Most people have different degrees of thinking about what life would be like if I wasn’t here," she explained. These thoughts can range from fleeting moments of despair to more serious plans or attempts. In some cases, adolescents may engage in non-suicidal self-injury (NSSI) as a way to cope with intense emotions.
 
Understanding Self-Harm: The Emotional Release and Brain Chemistry

Self-harm, particularly cutting, is another area that many parents struggle to understand. Wendy elaborated on the emotional distress that often leads to self-injury. For some adolescents, self-harm provides an emotional release, almost like a "catharsis" for bottled-up feelings of anger, sadness, or loneliness.
 
Additionally, she explained how the brain’s protective mechanisms can sometimes reinforce self-harm. When the body is injured, the brain releases chemicals such as dopamine to numb the pain. For some individuals, this chemical rush can become reinforcing, leading them to repeat the behavior for emotional relief.
 
What Leads to the Build-Up of Emotional Distress?

According to Wendy, the build-up of emotional distress is often due to an inability to manage overwhelming emotions. For many adolescents, this distress comes from sources such as peer relationships, family dynamics, or societal pressures. Wendy pointed out that current events - including negative news and social media - can exacerbate these feelings, creating a sense of helplessness or anxiety.
 
The lack of distress tolerance - the ability to cope with difficult emotions - can make it even harder for young people to navigate their feelings, leading them to resort to harmful coping mechanisms such as self-harm.
 
Are Some Kids More At Risk Than Others?

A common concern among parents is whether certain children are more prone to depression or self-harm, particularly those with neurodiverse conditions such as Asperger’s Syndrome or other autism spectrum disorders. Wendy emphasized that all young people are at risk for these issues. However, children with depression are more likely to engage in self-injury. Additionally, some younger children with neurodiverse conditions may exhibit different forms of self-injury, such as headbanging or biting themselves, before resorting to cutting or other more severe forms.
  
What Can Parents Do?

One of the most important things a parent can do is stay calm and get curious. When you notice signs of distress or self-harm, the natural reaction might be panic or anger but responding with empathy is key. Instead of asking, “What’s wrong with you?” Wendy suggests asking, “What’s happening?”  This shift in language opens the door to conversation rather than defensiveness. If the child doesn’t want to talk right away, set a clear but gentle boundary: “We need to talk about this. Can we talk this afternoon?” Let them feel some control while making it clear that ignoring the issue isn’t an option.

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​When Trust Has Been Broken

For families experiencing high levels of conflict - perhaps due to divorce or past communication struggles - kids may not feel safe opening up. In these cases, Wendy suggests identifying a trusted adult for the child to speak to: a relative, therapist, school counselor, or coach. 

“It shouldn’t be a peer who’s also struggling,” Wendy warns. “It's like swimming out to a drowning person without a buoy, and you're trying to save them - and you both drown.”
 
Rebuilding Connection Through Community

Loneliness and social isolation are often at the heart of a child’s distress. Wendy highlights the importance of community and physical activity. Programs like Taekwondo, dance, or group sports can offer kids both emotional and physical outlets.

She also mentions emerging initiatives like DashStrom, a startup aimed at getting kids off screens and into real-world, active experiences that build emotional resilience and social connection.
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That said, every child is different. Some may thrive in group settings, while others might feel overwhelmed. “Kids don’t come with manuals,” Wendy reminds us. “You have to figure out the puzzle of your own child.”

Final Thoughts: Listen More, Fix Less

As children become teens, their peers often outweigh their parents in emotional influence. This doesn’t mean parents are powerless - it means they need to listen deeply, empathize genuinely, and seek support when needed. “There is hope,” Wendy says. “Struggles don’t have to define your child’s future. With the right tools, connection, and support, healing is possible.”