Women are often taught to endure. To give more. To sacrifice quietly. To hold everything together for everyone else while ignoring themselves in the process.
 
Relationship coach Ada Gore helps women stop self-abandonment and reconnect with themselves emotionally, spiritually, and relationally. In a deeply personal conversation on the Trust Me Mom podcast, she shared her own story of burnout, divorce, motherhood, relationships, and healing, while offering women practical ways to reclaim their power and stop living purely in survival mode.
 
For Ada, the journey began with a devastating moment that initially felt like failure.

​The Firing That Changed Everything
 
In 2017, Ada was a single mother working as a manager at a dental practice. She had poured herself completely into her career. She transformed the struggling business into a profitable operation, expanded the team, and dedicated herself entirely to success.
 
Then, two weeks before Christmas, she was fired. “It felt like my whole world fell apart because I had invested so much,” Ada said. At the time, she had built her identity around being a strong, independent single mother who could do everything herself. Losing the job shattered that identity and forced her into a painful period of self-reflection.
 
What she realized was startling: she did not actually know who she was outside of performing roles for other people. “I had been so locked into what I have to be,” she explained. “I was being who I thought I needed to be in order to be a good manager. But I was not being my true self.”
 
The physical consequences of that disconnection had already begun to surface. She experienced anxiety attacks, hormonal issues, digestive problems, and chronic stress. Her body was demanding that she slow down. That moment became the catalyst for a decade-long journey of healing and self-discovery.
 
What Self-Abandonment Really Looks Like
 
Many women assume self-abandonment only applies to passive people pleasers who never speak up. Ada argues it is often much more subtle.
 
She describes herself as a “shapeshifter,” someone who could instantly adapt to any environment, personality, or expectation in order to get approval or results. “I can read a room and adjust my behavior based on the temperature of the room,” she said. “I didn’t realize I was doing it.”
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For countless women, self-abandonment becomes second nature. It can look like:

• Ignoring your own exhaustion
• Constantly prioritizing others’ needs
• Suppressing emotions
• Staying in unhappy relationships
• Over-functioning in marriage and parenting
• Seeking validation through achievement
• Dismissing your own desires before you even voice them

 
Ada believes many women learned these patterns in childhood as survival mechanisms. “If you know how to be trapped and miserable and broke, you will cling to that,” she explained. “Not because you consciously want better, but because your nervous system knows how to handle it.”

The Scarcity Mindset Keeping Women Stuck
 
One of the most powerful parts of the conversation centered on fear, especially financial fear. When Ada lost her job, she had almost no savings. As a single mother, the uncertainty was terrifying. Yet she says that experience taught her a life-changing lesson about trust and survival. “The resources show up,” she said repeatedly throughout the interview.
 
She described receiving unexpected tax refunds, surprise financial opportunities, and support arriving from unlikely places during periods when she believed she was completely unsafe.
 
According to Ada, many women stay trapped in unhappy relationships or unfulfilling lives because they believe survival depends on external security such as a job, a husband, or financial predictability. But she argues that true safety is internal. “Your safety does not come from your job. Your safety does not come from your husband,” she said. “Your safety is an internal knowing that you are a beloved being, that you are made of love, that you were made with love, that there is a benevolent, loving force that cares for you, and that there are resources everywhere, things that you can’t even think of.”
 
This perspective challenges deeply ingrained beliefs many women carry about dependence, scarcity, and fear.
 
Why Women Ignore Their Own Needs
 
Throughout the interview, Ada repeatedly returned to one theme: women dismiss themselves constantly in tiny everyday moments.
 
She gave examples many mothers instantly recognize:

• Eating the burnt toast while serving everyone else fresh food
• Holding their bladder for hours
• Never taking breaks
• Skipping hobbies or self-care because it feels “selfish”
• Running on exhaustion while caring for everyone else

 
Over time, those small moments accumulate into resentment.
 
“Resentment is the canary in the coal mine,” Ada said. “It’s the alert that you have abandoned yourself.” She explained that many women become angry at their husbands or children without recognizing the deeper issue underneath: they are not allowing themselves to have needs at all.
 
One example she shared involved a wife who secretly longs to attend a yoga or dance class but continually talks herself out of it because of money, childcare, or guilt. When her husband later leaves to play basketball with friends, resentment explodes. “The problem is not that he went to play basketball,” Ada explained. “The problem is that you did not go to dance class.”

The Power of Reflective Writing
 
Ada believes one of the most transformative tools available to women is also one of the simplest: journaling. She credits reflective writing with helping her process trauma, understand her patterns, and reclaim herself emotionally.
 
According to Ada, writing creates two important psychological shifts:
 

• Self-distancing, which allows women to observe experiences instead of drowning inside them
• Self-witnessing, which helps women finally see and validate their own emotions

 
“You need a place where you can start to name your emotions,” she said. “I feel angry. I feel resentful. I don’t feel supported.” For women conditioned to suppress their needs, simply admitting those emotions can be revolutionary.
 
Healing Generational Trauma
 
The conversation also explored how family dynamics shape women’s relationship patterns. Ada described growing up with emotional neglect and learning early that her needs were inconvenient. Her mother, however, eventually became an important example of resilience by returning to school for nursing after facing financial instability in her marriage.
 
Healing generational trauma, Ada explained, requires women to hold two truths simultaneously:
 

• Their parents may have done their best
• They were still hurt
  
  

That balance between compassion and accountability is central to her philosophy. “Without accountability, there’s no growth. Without compassion, there’s no connection,” she said. Rather than bypassing pain or remaining trapped in blame, Ada encourages women to process their experiences honestly through writing, reflection, and emotional awareness.
 
Dating After Divorce: “You Are the Prize”
 
When discussing relationships, Ada did not shy away from controversial opinions. She believes many women settle because they are afraid of loneliness and because they underestimate their own value.
 
“If you are a single woman, you need to stop giving and start receiving,” she said. Her advice for dating includes:
 

• Do not chase emotionally unavailable men
• Stop ignoring red flags
• Avoid pursuing men who show inconsistent effort
• Learn the power of saying no
• Focus on self-worth instead of validation

 
“You only need one good man,” she said. “You don’t need a hundred.”
 
Ada believes women who deeply love and respect themselves naturally become more discerning and magnetic in relationships.
 
Marriage as a “Growth Technology”
 
Perhaps the most nuanced part of the discussion involved unhappy marriages. Ada emphasized that not every marriage should survive. She strongly stated that abuse of any kind changes the equation entirely.
 
However, in non-abusive relationships, she believes many marriages can transform if women stop over-functioning and begin addressing their own patterns. “A marriage is a technology to help you grow,” she explained.
 
She described how women often unknowingly create dynamics where they manage everything emotionally and practically, leaving their partners passive and dependent. Healing begins when women stop controlling everything and begin taking responsibility for their own emotional well-being instead.
 
That process can feel terrifying because it often means allowing discomfort, mistakes, and uncertainty. “You have to stop holding it all together,” she said. “As long as you keep gripping it, it stays the same.”
 
At the same time, Ada stressed that women should never stay trapped in deeply unhappy marriages purely for appearances or obligation. “You are the operant power in your life,” she said. “You do have agency.”
 
Learning to Live Instead of Survive
 
Ultimately, Ada’s message is about far more than relationships. It is about reclaiming humanity, identity, and emotional freedom. Many women spend years living in survival mode, convincing themselves that depletion is normal and sacrifice equals love. Ada challenges women to imagine something radically different.
 
“You are not here just to survive,” she said. “You are here to live your life and to live a good life.” That transformation does not happen overnight. It begins with small acts of self-respect:
 

• Taking a break
• Resting without guilt
• Saying no
• Honoring emotions
• Asking for help
• Believing you deserve more

 
For women trapped in cycles of resentment, exhaustion, or fear, Ada believes healing starts with one powerful shift: stop abandoning yourself. And perhaps the greatest act of love a woman can offer herself, her children, and the world is finally choosing not to disappear inside her own life.

When Sasha Romary first came to France as a teenager, she was simply experiencing life abroad. 20 years later, she is raising two bilingual boys and coaching parents.  

On a recent episode of Trust Me Mom (Season 2, episode 40), Sasha shared her fascinating journey from the United States to Paris, the cultural differences she’s observed in parenting and education, and the lessons she’s learned as both a mother and parenting coach.
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What emerged from the conversation was not simply a comparison between American and French parenting styles, but a deeper discussion about independence, structure, neurodivergence, and the pressure modern parents face everywhere.

Growing Up Across Three Languages

Sasha’s family life today is deeply multicultural. She and her French husband met at an international school in Paris, built their relationship in English, and later lived in Singapore and Germany before returning to France. Their household now runs bilingually: Sasha speaks English to the children, while her husband speaks French. For a time, while living in Germany, their children were actually navigating three languages simultaneously.

One of the biggest misconceptions Sasha often hears, especially from American parents, is that bilingual children experience language delays. But she shared a perspective from her German pediatrician that completely reframed the issue.

If a child knows the word “shoe” in English, French, and German, that is not one word in their vocabulary. It is three separate words. While bilingual children may appear to use fewer words in one language, their total language processing is often far more advanced.

Sasha says the real challenge isn’t capability. It’s consistency. Because French dominates social life and school, she must intentionally protect English at home. “I can’t be lazy about it,” she explained. “If I’m speaking English to them, they need to respond in English too.”

The French School System: Independence First

Perhaps the most striking cultural difference Sasha described is how early French schools expect children to become independent.

In France, school officially begins at age three. Children are expected to attend full days almost immediately, arrive potty trained, manage long school hours, and begin functioning independently from parents. For many American parents, that level of separation feels abrupt.

French schools operate with a philosophy that school belongs to the child, not the parent. Parents typically drop children at the gate and have very limited interaction with teachers outside a few annual conferences.
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Sasha describes the system as both impressive and difficult. On one hand, children develop confidence and autonomy remarkably early. By age 10, many students are expected to organize their own study schedules and manage homework independently.
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On the other hand, the rigidity of the system can create challenges for children who learn differently. “The expectation is that the child adapts to the system,” Sasha said, “not the other way around.”

When Neurodivergent Kids Don’t Fit the Mold

Sasha’s older son has been diagnosed with ADHD. She explained that while French schools do recognize learning differences, support often requires formal medical documentation before accommodations are provided. Until that diagnosis exists, many parents simply receive feedback that their child has “concentration problems” and needs to improve behavior.

For Sasha, the experience highlighted a major contrast with the American educational system, where accommodations are more legally protected and intervention often begins earlier. She ultimately chose private school for her son because the traditional public-school structure was not working for him.

Her story reflects a broader parenting truth: systems that work beautifully for some children can be deeply stressful for others.

French Parenting and Food Culture
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One aspect of French parenting Sasha genuinely admires is the culture surrounding food. French school lunches are full multi-course meals with vegetables, proteins, cheese, salads, and dessert, not separate “kid food.” Children are expected to eat what is served, and parents generally do not prepare multiple meals to accommodate picky eating.
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Sasha embraces this philosophy at home as well. “It is my job as the parent to decide when we eat and what we eat,” she explained. “But it is your child’s job to decide how much of that they are going to eat.” This approach encourages children to develop a healthier, less emotionally charged relationship with food, something many overwhelmed parents may find refreshing.

The Hidden Pressure on Parents
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Despite the independence French culture promotes in children, Sasha says the pressure placed on parents can feel intense. Teachers frequently comment on sleep habits, eating habits, and behavior. Parents may be told their child appeared tired in class or didn’t eat enough protein at breakfast.

For Sasha, it sometimes feels as though every challenge at school somehow becomes the parent’s responsibility to fix, even when the parent isn’t physically present during the day.

The feedback can feel blunt by American standards, but it also reflects how deeply French culture values routine, structure, and self-regulation.

Why Potty Training Becomes a Power Struggle

As a potty-training consultant, Sasha also shared one of the biggest mistakes parents make during toilet training: constantly asking children whether they need to go. According to Sasha, potty training is both physiological and behavioral. Children must learn to recognize the body’s signals independently.

When parents repeatedly ask, “Do you need to go potty?” toddlers often automatically say no simply to maintain control. More importantly, Sasha says accidents are not failures. They are learning experiences. Children begin connecting physical sensations with the need to use the bathroom only after experiencing those moments firsthand.

She also addressed one of the most common but rarely discussed potty-training struggles: fear of pooping on the toilet. Many toddlers become anxious because the experience feels physically unfamiliar and emotionally vulnerable. Sitting exposed on a potty, rather than standing in a diaper, can feel overwhelming. Rather than treating it as defiance, Sasha encourages parents to approach the issue like any other fear, with patience, exposure, reassurance, and support.
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What Parents Everywhere Can Learn

Throughout the conversation, one thing became clear: there is no perfect parenting system. French parenting offers beautiful lessons in independence, resilience, structure, and food culture. American parenting often provides more flexibility, emotional support, and accommodation for individual learning differences.

But regardless of country, parents are still navigating the same universal questions:

• How do we raise confident children without overwhelming them?
• How do we encourage independence while still offering support?
• And how do we help children thrive when they don’t fit neatly into the system around them?

For Sasha, the answer lies somewhere in the middle, combining structure with empathy and expectations with understanding.

And perhaps that balance is exactly what modern parenting needs most.

You can find Sasha Romary on Instagram at @SashaRomaryParenting and learn more about her coaching services at SashaRomary.com.