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Parenting is one of the most important, yet least taught, skills in life. Most people typically don’t attend classes on how to raise children or how to build healthy relationships, yet these two areas shape our lives more than anything else. In my recent conversation with Kenny Weiss, an emotional authenticity coach and founder of The Greatness University, we explored how childhood trauma affects parenting, what it means to truly heal for our kids, and why pain can be the gateway to authenticity. A Childhood That Shaped a Calling Kenny’s story begins in a chaotic home. His parents married young (at 16 and 18) and by their early twenties, they already had four children. Both carried their own childhood wounds:
Kenny recalled a defining childhood moment: “I was just 10 years old, woke up in the middle of the night, to use the restroom and there she was, passed out naked on the toilet. And that’s the day… I just remember screaming, I’m dying, I’m dying. And I felt whoever I was up to that point left me.” From there, Kenny began a long struggle with trauma, addictions, two divorces, a horrific custody battle, bankruptcy, and even thoughts of suicide. Yet through his pain, he developed a fascination with psychology and healing. Eventually, with the help of a counselor named Mike, Kenny realized: “I don’t know how to be a man. My childhood taught me… the only way to survive in our household was to have no morals and values, no needs and wants, no voice - to be completely neglected, abandoned and invisible.” That realization became the turning point that set him on the path to emotional authenticity. Why “I’d Die for My Kids” Is a Red Flag Many parents say, “I’d die for my children.” Kenny challenges that idea: “A parent who says I’ll die for my kids, that’s a red flag. That’s usually a sign of codependence and enmeshment. Their value and worth is wrapped up in their child. A child feels that burden - that I have to keep you alive, so I feel safe within myself as the parent. That’s a massive burden for any child to carry.” Instead, Kenny suggests the truest act of love isn’t sacrifice, but healing: “The single greatest thing you can do as a parent for your child is to do the work on your own childhood trauma.”  The Cottage Cheese and the Dog: Small Moments, Big Impact Not all trauma is dramatic. Sometimes, it’s the small moments that shape a child’s sense of worth. Kenny shared one story: “I was just reaching in the refrigerator to grab a cottage cheese. I was hungry and my mom ran over screaming no, no, no, no, that’s for the dog! What I heard was: If I eat, I get in trouble. If I eat, mom doesn’t love me. In this house, we feed the dogs before we feed the kids. So, I spent most of my life starving myself. I thought that was just my personality - I hated eating. But really, it was an adaptation to get love.” Kenny explained how his mom’s intent was innocent - she needed the cottage cheese for the dog’s medicine, but without explanation, a child interprets the moment differently. The healthier response? Kenny imagines his mom could have said: “Sweetie, hold on a second. I know you’re hungry and I love that you want to eat something, but I’m using the cottage cheese to hide the dog’s pills. Let’s find you something else.” This difference, acknowledging the child’s need while providing context, is what it means to be emotionally attuned. Pain as a Pathway Kenny believes pain is not just inevitable but purposeful: “Every single choice we make - relationships, careers, hobbies, is driving us towards the pain that’s keeping us from rediscovering our authenticity. The goal of that pain is an opportunity to confront ourselves, see the truth, and heal.” Instead of avoiding negative emotions, Kenny encourages parents to embrace them: “When so-called bad things happen, I love it. Because I know this is the gift. This is where the solution lies.” He calls this transformation “joy pain” - the ability to feel joy even in hardship because it signals growth.  Catch the latest episode of the Trust Me Mom podcast (Season 1, Episode 21), where Kenny shares his story of a traumatic childhood, failed marriages, bankruptcy, addictions, thoughts of taking his own life, and a profound (potentially spiritual) experience that led to recovery and wisdom. He talks about how emotions influence our behavior and how childhood trauma makes us relive the Worst Day Cycle. He reminds us that instead of self-sacrificing and claiming they would die for their kids, parents should let go of unresolved trauma and destructive patterns so they don’t pass them on to their children. Emotions and Illness
Kenny also connects unhealed emotions to physical health: “Even the CDC says 85 to 95% of all illness and disease is stress related. Well, what’s stress? It’s fear. What’s driving the majority of illness and disease is an emotional problem.” He shared his own back pain story, realizing it symbolized the emotional weight he carried for his family. He also linked conditions like allergies and chronic cough to withheld truth: “If you’re coughing, where are you not speaking your truth? Where are you withholding what you really want to say?” Breaking the “Worst Day Cycle” Kenny has coined the concept of the Worst Day Cycle:
The way out is what he calls the Authentic Self Cycle: truth, responsibility, healing, and forgiveness. “We’re all a train wreck. Who cares about our stories? Let’s just embrace it, start talking about it, and start dealing with it. If you want to end pain, that’s how you do it.” Resources for Parents Kenny offers resources for people at every stage:
As Kenny said: “There’s only so much you can learn from videos, books, and classes. We all need an outside reference. That’s my job - to teach you how to be me for yourself.” Final Thoughts Kenny’s journey is proof that pain can be a guide, not an enemy. For parents, the lesson is clear: your greatest gift to your children isn’t sacrifice, it is healing. “If you want to die for your child, the way to do that is die to yourself and go heal yourself.” By doing the hard work of emotional authenticity, we not only break free from our own worst day cycles but also give our children the freedom to live authentically themselves.
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On this episode of Trust Me Mom, I spoke with Alexandra (Alex) Dimoff, a licensed professional counselor specializing in Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) in children and screen addictions. Our conversation covered everything from spotting early signs of OCD to practical strategies for managing excessive screen time at home. What OCD Really Is? Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) has two parts:
Classic examples include excessive handwashing or repeatedly turning lights on and off. But OCD isn’t just about quirks; to be diagnosed at a clinical level, symptoms must:
Where OCD Comes From? OCD can develop due to genetic predisposition or environmental triggers. In some cases, excessive use of electronics or video games can fuel obsessive behaviors. Alex explained that video games are designed to keep players hooked — from endless levels and collectible “skins” to time-limited rewards that create a fear of missing out. For kids, these virtual rewards can feel as important as money or status in the adult world.  A Case Study: Reward Systems That Work Alex shared the story of a young client with autism and OCD who would pull out hair or pick skin to get attention. Instead of relying on punishment, Alex introduced a reward system:
Why Parents’ Role Is Critical Therapy is just one hour a week — the rest happens at home. Alex stressed that parent participation is essential. But big changes can be overwhelming, so she starts with small, manageable steps:
Managing Screen Addiction Alex recommends priming — telling kids exactly what to expect before screen time begins and when it will end. Timers and countdown clocks help make the transition smoother, and giving a five-minute warning before stopping play can reduce meltdowns. If aggression happens despite warnings, Alex suggests:
For extreme aggression or property damage, a safe timeout space free of breakables can help prevent harm. Who Outgrows Screen Addiction? Alex believes it comes down to support systems. With encouragement from parents and therapists and positive experiences with face-to-face interaction, kids can naturally shift away from relying on screens for social fulfillment. Without that support, the habit can persist into adulthood. When to Seek Help Parents should consider therapy when:
Alex suggests starting with a 6–12 month commitment to therapy to see meaningful change. Medication can be added depending on the family’s beliefs and the child’s needs. Relapse and Lifelong Management Some OCD tendencies may reappear during stressful life events, but with the right skills, kids can learn to manage new obsessions. Understanding the beliefs driving the compulsion is key to breaking the cycle.  Catch the latest podcast episode featuring Alex Dimoff (Season 1, episode 20) where we explore the complexities of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and screen addictions in children. Discover how family history and environmental factors contribute to OCD, and learn about effective interventions and therapies. Final Advice for Parents
Alex’s parting words: “Be kind to yourself because I know that you have a plan on paper with all of these interventions and it sounds really great in that it's going to run smooth and as expected, but when you go to carry out the plan, life happens and there's barriers in the way, so don't get discouraged whenever it's not going according to the plan.” You can learn more about Alex Dimoff through her Psychology Today profile or reach her via email at [email protected]. What if one of the most empowering fairy tales for children today was written over 300 years ago? In my latest conversation with fairy tale scholar Anne E. Duggan, we dove into the rich, magical world of “The White Cat,” a once-beloved story by Madame d’Aulnoy that deserves a major comeback in bedtime routines today. Here’s why. Meet the White Cat: More Than a Pretty Feline “The White Cat” combines the whimsy of Puss in Boots and the mystery of Rapunzel, but with a twist: this tale’s heroine is a powerful, sovereign female who leads, loves, and saves the day. The story begins with a king who sends his three sons on impossible quests. The youngest stumbles upon a magical castle ruled by a white cat in mourning. Over three years and three trials - finding the tiniest dog, the finest fabric, and the most beautiful woman - the cat helps him succeed. In the end, she asks him to cut off her head and tail, revealing her true form: an enchanted princess trapped by fairy punishment. She doesn’t just reward him with her hand in marriage - she gives away three kingdoms. The message is clear: this is no damsel in distress. She is the story’s beating heart, strategist, and ultimate liberator.  The Hidden History of the Cat Fairy Tales As Professor Duggan explains, “The White Cat” has deep roots in earlier European cat tales, especially in versions where magical feline helpers are passed from parent to child. Over time, these cats became increasingly masculinized - Charles Perrault famously flipped the gender of the magical helper to a male in “Puss in Boots.” Madame d’Aulnoy, in naming her tale after the female cat, reclaims the feminine magical archetype. And her cat isn’t just magical – she is regal, commanding armies of feline subjects, controlling time, and offering abundant resources. The tale even hints at her previous marriage and sexual experience, making her more mature than the prince she ultimately weds. Rewriting Patriarchy Through Fairy Tales Many early-modern fairy tales, including Russian and Arabian stories, feature a familiar pattern: a passive young man is aided by a magical woman who does all the work. Anne and I reflected on how these stories might have offered a subtle critique of gender roles, especially considering the social and political landscape of the 17th century. In aristocratic society, youngest sons (like the prince in the White Cat story) were often left out of inheritance, while daughters could be confined to convents. In “The White Cat,” the youngest son gets everything - but only because a powerful woman chooses to help him. Even more subversive is the cat’s refusal to marry an “ugly dwarf,” a fairy-imposed punishment echoing the real-life forced marriages young women like d’Aulnoy faced. Anne shared how the author herself was forced into marriage at 13 to a man in his 40s and later imprisoned for scandal and political defiance. Writing, in many ways, became her act of resistance. Rewriting Power: Noblewomen Who Penned Their Own Fate It’s easy to assume women were always submissive in history, but Anne offers a different lens. In 17th-century France, noblewomen such as duchesses, queens, and court influencers typically held more power than men of lower rank. Writers like Madame d’Aulnoy, Madame de Lafayette, and others were published, respected, and widely read. Some even ran their own literary salons. Still, it wasn’t easy. Many, like d’Aulnoy, were locked up in convents or exiled. Anne described how these women turned fairy tales into emotional safe spaces, rewriting the lives they were denied. In their stories, the powerless gain agency, the unjust find justice, and women rescue themselves. A Story Worth Resurrecting Despite its historical popularity, including stage musicals, serialized chocolate bar inserts, and comic books, the White Cat has faded from mainstream memory. But she’s poised for a comeback. Dr. Duggan shared that a new illustrated collection of tales by d’Aulnoy and her peers is in the works, aimed at modern audiences. These condensed, beautifully drawn versions retain the heart of the stories while making them accessible to new generations of readers. As a mom, I am excited to read “The White Cat” to my daughter. Not just because it is charming and fantastical, but because it also celebrates a heroine who is clever, courageous, and kind.  If you are inspired by this story, catch the full conversation with Dr. Anne Duggan on Trust Me Mom podcast, Season 1, episode 19. The crowning touch is Madame D’Aulnoy’s own life story — a tale as intriguing as any detective novel. When you picture a marketing executive, you might not imagine a Zumba instructor, a stay-at-home mom, or someone who once questioned whether she'd ever have a career again. But Kate Speer is all of those things, and more. In a conversation with Trust Me Mom host Ekaterina Konovalova, Kate shares her winding, deeply relatable journey of balancing motherhood and ambition, and how she ultimately launched her career to new heights, after having four kids. Career Paused, Not Lost Kate’s career began in the traditional corporate world, at Merrill Lynch. But when she became a mother at age 24, it didn’t make financial or emotional sense to keep going in a job she didn’t love. So, she stepped back. But she didn’t stop growing. She started teaching Zumba. Then she opened a fitness studio. It was small and flexible work that allowed her to raise her children while still learning how to run a business, including marketing, payroll, web design, and client management. These weren’t “just part-time gigs.” They were stepping stones that sharpened her skillset and built her confidence. The Freelance Hustle and an Unexpected Breakthrough After closing her studio due to family logistics, Kate dove into freelance marketing. This was before the gig economy exploded, yet she was already laying the groundwork for something bigger. Her hustle paid off when a trucking company took a chance on her. Within two years, she became their VP of Marketing. But in 2022, Kate lost that job unexpectedly. She had built a career that helped support her family. She wasn’t in a place where she could afford to “pause” again. What followed was a crash course in reinvention, visibility, and networking.  From Invisible to Irresistible: The Power of Networking “I never networked. I didn’t think I had to,” Kate admits. Like many moms, her days were full - working, parenting, managing hockey schedules. But when she suddenly needed a new role, she realized the power of being visible. So, she leaned in. She built a personal website. She started posting on LinkedIn. She showed up to in-person events. And while it was terrifying at first, she kept asking herself: What would I want my kids to do in this situation? Kate believes that “confidence is a muscle,” and that to build it, “you get that by doing things and putting yourself out there, and the more you do that, the easier it gets. And the more that you feel confident in yourself - that I might not know all the answers or feel ready for this, but we're going to take the leap and figure it out.” The result? Two job offers in under six months - one of which led to her current role as VP of Marketing & Brand Development at Grandpa Joe’s Candy Shop. But more than that, she found a thriving professional community and a new sense of identity.
“I’m Further Ahead Now Than I Would’ve Been Without Kids”
Kate doesn’t just feel like she caught up - she feels like she sprinted ahead. Motherhood, she explains, taught her how to prioritize, how to juggle, and how to make every hour of work count. “If I’m going to spend eight hours doing something, let’s make it count.” The emotional intelligence, time management, and resilience she gained through parenting? All of it transferred into her work life and helped her thrive under pressure. Advice for Moms Feeling Stuck or Behind Kate has a message for moms questioning whether they’ll ever get their careers back:
Final Word: Moms Can Do It All - Just Not All at Once Kate’s story is a reminder that the “motherhood penalty” doesn’t have to define your path. With intention, support, and self-belief, moms can not only return to the workforce - they can lead it. And sometimes, the detours turn out to be the most powerful chapters of all. |
