A Voice That Shook the Internet

In 2012, as the nation reeled from the tragic Newtown shootings, one Idaho mother sat down and wrote what millions of parents were too afraid to say out loud.

That mother was Liza Long.

Her viral essay, “I Am Adam Lanza’s Mother” (originally titled “Thinking the Unthinkable”) told the painful truth of raising a child with violent behavior and undiagnosed mental illness. The story spread across global media, and catapulted Liza into the spotlight as an “accidental advocate.”

“My story starts on the tragic day of the Newtown shootings in Connecticut in 2012. And that day, my second child had just been taken mental hospital undiagnosed with symptoms, but we weren't sure what was wrong, just very complicated symptoms... She was 13 at the time. I wrote about her as my son, but she's actually my daughter. Like so many parents, I just felt completely frustrated,” shared Lisa.  “When I heard about the Newtown shootings, I'd just gotten off the phone with her. Her caseworker said, ‘We need to charge her with a crime again so that she can get the level of services that she needs.’ And people didn't want to believe me that this is how it works, but this is how it works then and still, unfortunately now… In order to get my child mental health care, I was going to have to have her charged with a crime. And she's just the sweetest, stuffed-animal-loving, Harry-Potter-loving kid.” Needless to say, it was a hard time for Liza and her children.

When Love Means Making the Hardest Choice

Liza’s journey began long before that essay. Her middle child, Cassie (whom she originally wrote about as her son), began showing severe behavioral symptoms around the age of ten. “We didn’t know what was wrong,” she recalls. “Just complicated symptoms, and a system that couldn’t help us.”

For a while, safety meant separation. “As part of my safety plan, I had reduced custody of my younger two children,” she explains. “It was devastating. Even the judge said, ‘It doesn’t seem fair that mom’s being punished for taking the sick child.’ But that was the only way my kids were safe.”

A Diagnosis and a Turning Point

After years of searching for answers, everything changed when psychiatrist Dr. Demitri Papolos, author of The Bipolar Child, reached out to Liza. He suspected juvenile bipolar disorder, and he was right.

Cassie began treatment with lithium, and within six months, the violent outbursts stopped. “We just kept watching - no violent episodes. She said, ‘I think I can go back to mainstream school.’ Four years later, she graduated as senior class president.”

Today, Cassie is a thriving young adult with a scholarship, advocacy work of her own, and even a TED Talk that outperforms her mom’s. “She reminds me,” Liza laughs, “‘Mom, I’m still beating you!’ And I say, ‘You deserve it - you have a powerful message.’”

The Invisible Toll on Families

Raising a child with mental illness takes more than courage; it takes endurance. Liza points out that the stress level of parenting a child with autism or severe mental illness can be similar to living in a war zone. Many marriages do not survive the strain.

“Someone once asked why I always talk about moms,” she recalls. “There are some great dads out there, but I just kind of snarkily replied, well, in my experience, it's the moms who stick around. And that was my experience. I was the mom I stuck around. I have four children and I had to make some really impossible choices regarding my children back to the violent behavior in the home."

Still, she resists blame. “It’s not your fault. You are doing your best." Parents of easy kids take too much credit; parents of hard kids take too much blame. She also highlights the importance of respite care, a support system often overlooked. “It’s life-changing,” she says. “Even a few hours for yourself can keep you going.”

Finding Faith, Identity, and Community

Liza’s story didn’t end with her daughter’s diagnosis. Years later, Cassie came out as transgender, a transition that brought new conversations, and new acceptance.

“Once her mental health stabilized, she could really explore who she was,” Liza says. “She’s happier now, more grounded. My mom, who’s very religious, immediately accepted her. She said, ‘Well, darn, I just ordered T-shirts for the grandkids. Wish I’d known to get her a girl’s one!’”

Liza herself, who once stopped attending her Mormon church, has since returned to a congregation that embraces her family. "My congregation has been very accepting and welcoming of my children, which I am really grateful for. I will never choose a church over my kids," she sad. "If I were to feel that the church were moving back toward where it was when I wrote the book, which we could just describe as an anti-LGBTQ stance, I think it would be time for me to hit the pause button on my participation in that congregation. My kids have always come first for me, and that will continue to be case no matter what."

The Power of Support and Hope

Throughout her journey, community was Liza’s lifeline: from supportive teachers to local organizations like NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) and Idaho’s Raven Scholars Program for college students with autism.

“If schools, law enforcement, and mental health providers all worked together, we could change lives,” she insists. “I’ve seen it happen in places like San Antonio, where wraparound services truly support families.”

Her advice to parents in the thick of it? “Hang in there. It gets better. It was really hard, but my kids were worth it and they're just healthy, happy, well-functioning adults. They're all really good friends. They get together and play video games once a week online and it's really fun to see that relationship. But also, it's been a true blessing for me.”

Carving Out Space for Yourself

Amid the chaos, Liza discovered a small but powerful habit that saved her sanity - yoga. Find one thing that is yours. “It can be whatever, an hour to read your favorite novel or fencing or whatever - just something. But for me, I discovered yoga during this period and it's something that I continue to do to this day. Just having that one hour of time a day for myself."
 
From Silence to Strength

More than a decade after The Price of Silence, Liza Long’s message remains urgent: mental illness is not a parenting failure - it is a human experience that deserves attention, care, and compassion. Some cases can be hard to diagnose, but Liza’s family story is a true inspiration, showing how a mother’s love, perseverance, and her kid’s determination to get help can transform even seemingly impossible situations into a powerful story of strength and empowerment.

“I repeated a lot of relationship failures being a closed-hearted guy,” Jayson Gaddis told me when we sat down for our conversation. “And then I realized — maybe I’m the problem. I am a common denominator here in all these relationships. It was very freeing because I could do something about that."

That moment of radical self-awareness became the turning point in Jayson’s life. Raised as a sensitive boy with a stern father and surrounded by a culture that didn’t welcome emotions, he learned early on to shut down. “I became a shell of myself,” he admitted. “And that made it really hard to connect.”
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But instead of staying stuck in the blame loop, Jayson did something useful - he decided to study himself. He went to graduate school for psychology, became a therapist, met his wife, and began what he calls a real adult relationship. They treated their marriage as a spiritual path — a mirror that reflected their patterns, wounds, and potential for growth. From that foundation, their family naturally followed.

Creating The Relationship School

As a couples therapist, Jayson started noticing something familiar in every session: people were struggling with the same fundamental relationship challenges: communication, conflict, and emotional safety. “There’s no class in school that teaches us how to do relationships,” he said. “So, I decided to start one.”

That’s how The Relationship School was born — a community where people learn the skills no one ever taught them: how to repair after conflict, communicate with respect, and grow together instead of apart. Today, Jayson trains coaches around the world to help couples do exactly that.

A Wild Youth and the Search for Self

Before he became a teacher of emotional maturity, Jayson’s life was anything but calm. In college, he threw himself into extreme sports, drugs, and alcohol — what he now recognizes as an attempt to numb pain and seek external validation.
“I was hurting my body to get attention,” he said. “Jumping off cliffs, mountain biking, rock climbing — and doing it all with drugs and alcohol. It was a dangerous mix.”

He hitchhiked across Alaska and Central America, chasing freedom but feeling lost. “There was always this tiny voice inside saying, you’re not being yourself. That voice eventually led me here.”

Marriage as a Path to Authenticity

When Jayson talks about marriage, his honesty is refreshing. “If you don’t like growth and discomfort,” he says, “don’t get married.” Marriage, to him, isn’t a fairytale. It is a commitment to growth, a spiritual journey where both partners agree to face their own shadow. 

“What I love about long-term relationships,” he explains, “is that they push us to be more authentic. It’s very hard to hide in marriage.” He also emphasizes the importance of balance. “A healthy relationship includes both closeness and space,” he said. “You can have freedom inside commitment if you and your partner agree on what that looks like.”
 
Turning Conflict Into Connection

One of Jayson’s key teachings is that conflict isn’t the problem — disconnection is. “Good relationships have conflict,” he said. “It’s normal and healthy. The goal isn’t to avoid conflict but to repair it.”

He shared a simple but powerful framework for repair:

1. Take responsibility — “I raised my voice,” or “I shut down.”
2. Validate your partner’s feelings — “It makes sense that hurt you.”
3. Empathize — show care instead of defensiveness.
4. Listen before explaining yourself.

​“When you know how to repair, no conflict is a problem,” he says. “You can always find your way back to connection.”

What if your relationships could become your greatest teacher? In this episode (Season 1, episode 25), Jayson Gaddis, founder of The Relationship School and author of Getting to Zero, shares how facing his own emotional shutdown transformed his marriage, his career, and his understanding of love.

You’ll learn:

- Why radical self-awareness is the starting point for healthy relationships.
- How to turn conflict into connection instead of disconnection. 
- What it really means to treat marriage as a spiritual path. 
- Why repair — not perfection — is the key to lasting love. 
- How financial stress, parenting, and even health challenges can become opportunities for growth.

Jayson’s raw, inspiring, and deeply human story is a reminder that love isn’t about avoiding discomfort, but about growing through it together.

 Facing Financial Struggles Together

Like many couples, Jayson and his wife have weathered financial storms. Early in their marriage, a business failure left him feeling lost and defeated. “I was in an existential crisis,” he shared. “But my wife looked at me one day and said, ‘I need you to get over yourself and show up for me.’ That was a wake-up call.”

He believes how couples handle money reveals their ability to communicate and trust. “Money, like sex or parenting, is another opportunity to grow as a team,” he said. “The key is transparency. Shame hides in the dark; communication brings it to light.”
 
A Health Scare That Changed Everything

In early 2024, Jayson received a diagnosis that would shake anyone — early-stage prostate cancer. “It was caught very early, thanks to an MRI I pushed for,” he said. “I’m healthy now and deeply grateful.”

He believes chronic stress played a major role. “I was overworking, trying to grow the business too fast, and disconnected from myself,” he reflected. “It taught me to slow down and take care of what really matters.” Jayson’s openness about his health journey is both grounding and inspiring. “My kids were scared when we told them, but we were honest,” he said. “And my wife has been incredible through it all.”
 
Handling Life’s “Zombie Attacks”

When I asked Jayson how he stays grounded amid the constant waves of challenges, comparing life to a violent game with attacking villains and zombies, he smiled and said, "Life is full of zombie attacks." He wasn’t joking. “Every time you think you’ve made it through one challenge, another appears. It’s like a video game — as soon as you master one level, you move to a harder one.”

What helps him face it all? A spiritual framework and strong relationships. “My Buddhist teacher taught me that life is trustworthy and sacred,” he shared. “Everything that happens is on the way, not in the way.”

And his advice for parents? Raise resilient kids. “Let them do hard things,” he says. “Don’t protect them from every struggle. That’s how they build capacity for life.”
 
Final Thoughts: The Beauty of Growth
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Jayson Gaddis’s story is one of courage: not just the courage to love others, but to truly see himself. From reckless youth to conscious fatherhood, from failure to healing, his journey reminds us that relationships are not meant to make us comfortable. They are meant to make us real.

“Challenges never stop,” he said. “So I want to get better at meeting them — and help others do the same.”