How to Combat Bullying: Strategies for Kids, Parents, and Educators

Bullying is a pervasive issue that affects children, families, and school communities alike. In a recent interview on Trust Me, Mom, Kristen Geez - a youth advocate, entrepreneur, and motivational speaker - shared her powerful journey from being a bully to becoming a champion for youth empowerment.

​What makes Kristen’s perspective and advice so powerful is that she has seen both sides of the coin. “From about five years old until I was about 14, I really was the school bully,” recounts Kristen. “Of all the accolades I get to receive, it's definitely not the highest title… and it's not one that I wear with honor, but it is one that unfortunately happened.” At age 14, her actions could have landed her in jail, facing charges for making a threat — what today would be considered a terroristic threat. She had to leave her previous school and was enrolled in a new one, where she met a powerful leader, Dr. Linda Parker, who gave her a chance to turn her life around. Dr. Parker helped Kristen learn powerful life lessons, which she now shares with youth and parents around the world.

Understanding the Root Cause of Bullying

Kristen shared a deeply personal account of her experiences growing up in an abusive household, which led to her becoming a school bully. “I grew up in a time when what happens in your household stays in your household… I would go to school and become a totally different person.” While she was labeled a ‘school bully,’ she sought to provide the defense for others that she lacked in her own home. “If someone was my friend or a classmate and they had a problem, I would take it upon myself to defend them the way I wished someone would have defended me at home.”

This highlights an important truth: bullying often stems from unresolved personal pain or anger. Many bullies act out because they lack a safe outlet for their emotions. As Kristen shared in the interview, “A lot of times when you're dealing with kids who are acting out or getting in trouble, there's always a root reason behind the behavior. Fortunately, my behavior eventually led me to a situation that required me to answer the final question: Why are you so angry?” Understanding this root cause can help parents and educators approach bullying with empathy and intervention rather than mere punishment.

Dismantling the Myths and What Strategies to Avoid

Kristen cautioned parents against telling their kids that bullies target them because they are jealous. She explained, “I never bullied one kid because I was jealous. I actually didn’t even see them as a person to care about their feelings, let alone be jealous of them. I bullied them because I was angry, and they just happened to be the person in the way that day.”
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Kristen also emphasized the importance of helping children understand their own value, regardless of the bully’s actions. She reminds parents to tell their child that while they might feel terrorized by a specific person at school - and it might seem like that person is thinking about them night and day - they are likely just a distraction from what the bully is truly dealing with.  The reason for this is, “because they don’t value you, and they may not ever value you.” Kristen clarified, “I’m not saying that you’re not valuable, but I think it’s important to tell a child who is being bullied: I don’t want you to think your whole identity needs to be wrapped around getting this person to like you or making this person think that they’re jealous.”

She shared a powerful message she often tells her students: “Life is a contact sport: as long as you are breathing, you are going to get hit.” Whether physically, mentally, spiritually, or financially, life’s challenges are inevitable, but she advises, “I cannot walk around being afraid.”

This wisdom aligns with the quote by John A. Shedd: “A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for.” It serves as a reminder to build resilience and face life’s difficulties head-on, as challenges are an unavoidable part of growth and fulfillment.
 
Kristen works with many school-age children and has noticed, “Today, you see young people already deciding [on] defeat. They continue to sit in the same spot, allowing the bullying to happen because they’ve decided: that’s just how it is - they don’t like me, no one likes me, and everyone is against me.” She reminds us to make a distinction: a particular bully may be against a child, but that doesn’t mean the whole world is against that child.

She urges parents, “Have conversations early with your child so they understand when someone is disrespecting them. Teach them to verbalize and recognize it, whether you're with them or not, so they know not to be friends with people who are mean to them. Don’t excuse these little things. The better you teach your child to voice their discomfort at home, the better equipped they’ll be to handle situations in the world where someone does not care. There was never a time I bullied a kid who actually said anything back to me. They just froze up and allowed it to happen.”
 
Practical Strategies for Kids

Children who experience bullying often feel powerless, but there are steps they can take to regain control:

1. Speak Up: Encourage children to tell a trusted adult about the bullying. This is not tattling; it's a crucial step toward resolving the situation.
2. Avoid the Bully: If possible, avoid situations or locations where the bullying occurs. Sometimes, removing oneself from the environment can reduce the bully's power.
3. Seek Allies: Build a circle of supportive friends who can provide comfort and stand together when needed.
4. Develop Confidence: Teach children to assertively but calmly stand their ground. Role-playing scenarios at home can help them prepare for real-life encounters.
5. Avoid Retaliation: Fighting back physically or verbally can escalate the situation. Instead, focus on finding constructive solutions.

 
Role of Parents

Parents play a critical role in equipping their children to navigate bullying. Here’s how they can help:

1. Create a Safe Space: Make your home a haven where your child feels safe to confide in you without fear of judgment.
2. Monitor Behavior: Be aware of warning signs, such as a child becoming withdrawn, avoiding school, or exhibiting changes in behavior.
3. Advocate for Your Child: If bullying persists, escalate the issue to school officials and advocate for a resolution. Don’t hesitate to explore transferring schools if necessary.
4. Teach Emotional Regulation: Equip children with tools to process their emotions, such as journaling, mindfulness, or talking to a therapist.
5. Model Resilience: Show your child how to handle adversity by being a positive role model in your own life.

Role of Educators

Educators are on the front lines of combating bullying and can take steps to foster a positive school environment:

1. Promote Inclusivity: Create a classroom culture where differences are celebrated, and every child feels valued.
2. Identify Warning Signs: Train staff to recognize signs of bullying and intervene promptly and effectively.
3. Facilitate Mediation: Arrange for safe, supervised conversations between the bully and the victim to address the root causes and foster understanding.
4. Leverage Technology: Use tools like Kristen Geez's Advising Gents platform to educate students on laws, consequences, and mental health resources.
5. Engage Parents: Regularly communicate with parents about their children’s behavior and involve them in creating solutions.

A Call for Community Involvement

Kristen emphasizes the importance of community involvement in addressing bullying. It’s not just a school or home issue; neighbors, mentors, and local organizations can play a role in creating a safe and supportive environment for children.

Words of Encouragement for Parents

Raising children in today's complex world is challenging, but Kristen offers encouragement: “You are your child's first influencer. Take care of yourself so you can take care of them. Build a community of support and never stop engaging with your child’s world.”
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By working together - children, parents, educators, and communities - we can create environments where bullying is no longer tolerated, and every child has the opportunity to thrive.