In a recent in-person episode of the Trust Me Mom show, host Ekaterina Konovalova sat down with a marketing executive, TEDx speaker, and LinkedIn content creator Nicole (Nikki) Ramirez. What followed was a raw and relatable conversation about parenting, professional identity, and the surprising overlap between marketing and motherhood.
​
Ekaterina and Nikki know each other from the marketing world, but this time, the focus wasn't just career moves - it was the unexpected wisdom that emerges when a marketing expert becomes a parent.

From Forbes to Fishy Challenges

Before motherhood, Nikki's career path was nothing short of impressive. "I'm a journalist turned marketer and now I'm a growth marketing specialist, specializing in healthcare. I am also a personal branding coach and a LinkedIn content creator," she shared. She even led marketing at Forbes for their accolades department and gave a TEDx talk back in 2018.
​
But everything shifted when she became a mom. "I thought, I'll be a mom, and it'll just fit into my life, and I won't change at all. And how naive I was," Nikki admitted. "Every day is just a new adventure. You watch this person become a whole human, and it's incredible."

Going Viral Over Beach Chicken

That human (Nikki's toddler) became the star of a viral LinkedIn post that put Nikki in the social media spotlight. "My toddler hates fish but loves chicken. So, when we have salmon, I call it beach chicken and he says 'Yay, beach chicken!' and eats the whole thing," she explained. "I ended the post with 'know your audience.'"
​
The internet exploded. "I ended up on the Today Show and Newsweek... I had colleagues and friends who are not on LinkedIn or follow me sharing my post and saying, 'Hey, I saw you on X, formerly known as Twitter... and on Instagram... and someone did your whole post on TikTok.'"

Branding, Negotiation, and Toddler Psychology

Nikki believes that many business skills translate directly to parenting. "My negotiation skills are top notch now... you're always rebranding and storytelling and rephrasing things to really get your toddler to stay alive and be a good person." Her parenting mantra? "Know your customer."

As a mom of one with another on the way, Nikki has learned to be deliberate about how she divides her energy. "I make sure to end my day when my child comes home from daycare... closed laptop, I'm spending time with my son... no phones at the table, no distractions."

Advocacy and Identity

Beyond parenting and work, Nikki is an advocate for maternal rights through her work with the Chamber of Mothers. "We have three pillars that we really concentrate on: maternal health, affordable childcare, and paid maternity leave." She emphasized the need for a phased return to work and the high costs of childcare that force many families to make painful choices.
​
"Fill your cup with what you want to do," she advised. "If you're forced to say, 'Okay, I can't afford childcare so I’m staying home,' that's not filling your full cup."

​Redefining Self and Social Life

Parenthood also changed her social rhythm. "I was such a social butterfly... now I have no desire to really do a lot of that anymore. I'm trying to wrap my head around: is this who I am now? Or am I just exhausted?"

Despite the shifts, she’s clear about one thing: "You need to keep your identity when you become a mom. Diversify your happiness. Don't give up on your hobbies and passions. When your cup is filled, you can fill other people's cups."

Nikki’s Advice to New Parents

"Put your oxygen mask on first. Do what makes you happy and don't feel guilty about it. Because then you are your full self, and it will reflect on your kids," reminds Nikki. Moms tend to lose themselves in caregiving and work, and they will thank themselves in the long run if they maintain hobbies and continue to invest in friendships despite the exhaustion.
​
Whether you’re marketing beach chicken or trying to make sense of your new identity as a working mom, Nikki’s story is a refreshing reminder that the skills we use in our careers can serve us well at home - and vice versa.

Imagine you had a magic wand… How would you reshape home life to make it more equitable? Fortunately, you don’t need to look for a fairy - the resources and strategies are already available today. One of the change agents who is making waves in the movement for greater equity in household labor and caregiving is Laura Danger: an activist, educator, author, wife, and mother of two.
​
So, what sparked Laura’s passion for this work?

How Laura's Advocacy Began
​
Laura shared that her advocacy journey began with personal experiences of inequity in her household. Married for over a decade and raising two children in a dual-income household, Laura found herself at a breaking point in 2019 after being laid off days before giving birth to her second child.

"Our household was on edge. I had very little capacity to be kind when soliciting help," she recalled. Then, the pandemic hit in early 2020, turning their already challenging life into a pressure cooker.

The combination of economic uncertainty, domestic stress, and societal collapse pushed Laura to speak out online about her experiences. "I was watching millions of women and primary caregivers just leave the workforce because of the overwhelm," she said. "I am seeing all of the fractures of society... and I was really, really mad."

Defining Weaponized Incompetence

Laura defines weaponized incompetence as using a lack of skill or poor execution of a task to avoid responsibility. "It can be truly being neglectful on purpose and trying to break the trust of the person. It can be just willful ignorance," she explained.

She shared a striking story about a woman who left her husband one task: dispose of bug-infested rice while she was on a business trip. He poured it down the drain, causing a plumbing disaster. He didn’t tell her how he had disposed of the rice, and it was embarrassing when he mentioned the drain was clogged but forgot to explain what had caused it. The truth came out when his wife asked her father to stop by the house and help fix the plumbing. “Eventually, they did break up,” Laura noted. “It was just one example of many.”

Whether such acts are intentional or due to a lack of skill, they still have a strong impact on the partner who bears the emotional and logistical burden.​

Understanding the Nag Paradox

The "nag paradox," Laura explains, occurs when one partner takes on the mental load of planning and delegating while the other follows instructions. "One party feels criticized and the other defensive. We aren’t seeing the work of delegating as work," she said.

She emphasized that equitable relationships must include explicit conversations about roles and responsibilities, beginning with manageable tasks. "Start small. Bite-size. Practice having those explicit conversations about what you want."

​
​Lessons from the Dishes

Laura discussed how she and her husband addressed recurring conflict over dishes. "We had to think about what are the barriers for each of us and how we could fix it," she said. They explored pragmatic solutions, including simple fixes like putting a chair in the kitchen in the evening so her husband could sit while doing the dishes and listen to a podcast, switching chores, and structuring conversations using frameworks from relationship experts like the Gottman Institute.
​
On Devaluing Domestic Labor

Ekaterina raised the issue of how domestic labor is often devalued in households and society. Laura responded passionately: "Without the work of the home, nothing else in society functions. You literally cannot live without feeding yourself, without getting rest."

She underscored how this devaluation disproportionately affects caregivers and women, contributing to systemic inequities such as the "motherhood penalty."

The Need for Structural Support and Community

Laura spoke to the added stress for families caring for children with special needs. She emphasized the universal need for care networks: "It’s impossible for one person to do this. It’s also impossible for two people to do it. We need whole networks of care."

Quoting disabled parent and author Jessica Slice, Laura touched on the fear that often accompanies caregiving: "There is real fear that you won’t be able to access the care you need."

Communicating Through Mental Health Challenges

Laura also opened up about navigating her own mental health, including bipolar II and ADHD. She and her husband have developed a communication shorthand. "All I have to say is 'I'm not feeling well.' That's it," she shared. They then rely on pre-planned strategies to divide caregiving responsibilities.

Modeling Equity for Children

Laura and her husband are intentional about modeling equity for their children. They openly plan, communicate, and share household responsibilities. "We really focus on out loud talking about the things we enjoy and really showing them that we can be whole people," she said.

​To learn more about Laura and her work, check her Instagram at @thatdarnchat or visit lauradanger.com for more resources. 

Laura's book No More Mediocre offers hopeful strategies for fostering equitable relationships. She also co-hosts the podcast Time to Lean, where she discusses everyday care labor, cultural critiques, and practical tools.

When you think of Cinderella, Rapunzel, or Sleeping Beauty, you probably imagine soft-spoken princesses, wicked but rather cartoonish villains, and true love’s kiss. But the fairy tales we tell our children have been radically sanitized over centuries, transformed by culture, politics, and Disney into the versions we know today.
​
To unravel these origins, I sat down with Anne Duggan, a fairy tale scholar and professor at Wayne State University. Her insights reveal how the stories we think of as timeless classics were shaped by centuries of retelling - and how much they’ve lost along the way.

Murderous Cinderella

Forget the docile girl who waits patiently for rescue. In the 17th century Italian version by Giambattista Basile, Cinderella was no passive heroine. Called The Cat Cinderella, this version features a young woman who murders her first stepmother on the advice of her sewing teacher, who then becomes her second, even crueler, stepmother.
Later, French author Marie-Catherine d'Aulnoy combined Cinderella’s story with the Hansel and Gretel-like tale of abandoned children and cannibalistic ogres. Her Cinderella not only outsmarts monsters but negotiates her marriage on her own terms, demanding the return of her family’s stolen lands. She’s spunky, calculating, and anything but submissive.
​
This is a far cry from the Cinderella we know - demure, sweet, and rescued purely through marriage. According to Professor Duggan, Charles Perrault, whose 17th-century French retellings became the main reference for Disney, made deliberate choices to soften heroines and remove their agency.

Why So Much Violence?

If you’ve ever noticed that the Grimm Brothers’ stories are gory, like the Cinderella stepsisters whose eyes are pecked out, you’re not imagining it. Earlier fairy tales were filled with executions, murder, and betrayal, often reflecting societies where violence was publicly visible and normalized.
While some of this brutality has faded in modern adaptations, Disney-era retellings introduced their own issues: erasing sex, reducing complex women to passive beauties, and reinforcing narrow ideals about femininity.

From Single Mothers to “Happy Endings”

Consider Rapunzel. The first written version, Petrosinella, featured a possibly unmarried pregnant woman who traded her child for parsley. In French adaptations, the girl still became pregnant, but her sexuality was gradually hidden. The Grimm Brothers scrubbed the pregnancy out altogether, replacing it with the famous “your hair is so heavy” slip-up. Disney took this further, transforming Rapunzel into an innocent, wide-eyed heroine with no hint of scandal.
Professor Duggan explained that this progressive taming - what she calls the “domestication” of fairy tales - continued over centuries, reflecting the dominant social norms of each era.

Fairy Tales Weren’t Meant for Children

One of the biggest surprises? Most of these tales were never originally for kids. They emerged in aristocratic salons and courtly circles, full of sophisticated allegories and adult themes - like Little Red Riding Hood, which was a thinly veiled metaphor about predatory men.
Many of the authors were women - like d’Aulnoy, who herself endured an abusive marriage and exile. Their tales often contained hidden critiques of arranged marriages, forced unions, and power imbalances. For example, Beauty and the Beast can be read as a commentary on marrying an older man or grappling with fear of male sexuality.

Disney’s Cultural Takeover

So why do we mostly remember Perrault and the Grimms today? One word: Disney.

When Snow White hit theaters in 1937, it reshaped popular culture. Disney’s dominance in the age of home video made its pastel-colored, simplified versions the only ones most of us knew. Other beloved tales - like d’Aulnoy’s The White Cat, which was once so famous that it inspired operas and was featured in Victorian gossip columns - faded into obscurity.
As Professor Duggan put it, “We tend to think Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, and Snow White have always been the top fairy tales, but until Disney, that just wasn’t true.”

Should We Keep Reading Them to Our Kids?

After learning how these tales were shaped by politics, misogyny, and commercialism, you might wonder: should we still share them with children?

Professor Duggan believes yes - but with a twist. She encourages parents to treat fairy tales as living stories, open to discussion and reinvention. Ask kids what they think. Invite them to retell the tales. Talk about whether the characters’ choices were fair. The act of questioning is just as important as the story itself.

As Duggan told me, “These stories were always meant to be adapted. Our job is to keep rewriting them.”

Further Reading:

• The Lost Princess by Anne Duggan
• Off With Their Heads! by Maria Tatar
• Mother Goose Refigured by Christine Jones

Listen to the full interview on Trust Me Mom podcast.

​When Chadd Thompson began his career at Verizon as a college student, he couldn’t have imagined that 28 years later, he’d be balancing high-level executive roles with the immense responsibilities of parenting a medically fragile child. In a deeply personal interview for the Trust Me Mom show, Chadd shared how his daughter Kendal’s type 1 diabetes diagnosis at just 18 months old reshaped his life - both professionally and personally.

A Life-Changing Diagnosis

Chadd recalls the moment they learned Kendal had type 1 diabetes, a condition in which the immune system attacks insulin-producing cells in the pancreas. At such a young age, Kendal’s symptoms such as lethargy, excessive thirst, and constant diaper changes, were subtle but concerning. A visit to the pediatrician revealed a blood sugar level of 700, where a normal range is between 80 and 120. It was a moment that forever changed their family's trajectory.

Learning Through Community

Navigating a complex medical diagnosis without the robust internet resources we have today was overwhelming. The Thompsons leaned heavily on the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation (currently known as Breakthrough T1DTM), which connected them with other parents and support systems. Community quickly became one of the family’s lifelines, offering empathy, education, and shared experience.

Emotional Toll and Family Dynamics

Many families caring for medically fragile children would agree that managing a chronic health condition touches every aspect of family life. Chadd and his then-wife balanced demanding careers while coordinating around Kendal’s needs. They shared early-morning and overnight caregiving duties, all while caring for a second child who was later diagnosed with celiac disease.
​
Corporate life, especially pre-COVID, frequently made it difficult for Chadd to fulfill his responsibilities as a caregiver. Still, he credits his experience as a diabetes dad for honing the skills like planning, scheduling, attention to detail that served him well in business leadership.

Kendal’s Growth and Advocacy
​
Despite years of finger pricks, injections, and food limitations, Kendal internalized her experience and now channels it into helping others. As a young adult, she’s pursuing work with children who face adversity, hoping her story can inspire and support others walking a similar path.

A Family Transformed

Chadd’s story is a powerful reminder of how personal challenges can forge resilience, empathy, and even professional skills. His daughter’s health condition transformed the entire family, prompting deeper compassion. “You just figure it out,” Chadd says. “You do it because you have to.” He encourages other families going through similar challenges to lean on community, embrace structure, and remember they’re not alone.
​​
“There’s definitely hope,” Chadd concludes. And from the way he and Kendal have navigated this journey, it’s clear they’re living proof of that.

​In a heartfelt and eye-opening conversation on Trust Me Mom, Paige Connell, mother of four and mental load advocate, sat down to unpack the invisible labor many women bear in their homes. From navigating resentment in her marriage to building a more equitable partnership, Paige's journey reveals critical insights into a challenge so many families silently face.

The Mental Load: An Invisible Burden

When Paige and her high school sweetheart became parents, she didn’t anticipate how the balance in their relationship would shift. What began as a subtle imbalance became overwhelming after the birth of their fourth child, made worse by the isolating effects of the pandemic.

“I realized I was drowning,” Paige shared. “I was carrying an unfair amount of the work required to manage our home and our kids’ lives.” She wasn’t alone in this. Many working mothers, especially in dual-income households, find themselves becoming the default parent, responsible not just for doing, but for remembering, anticipating, and organizing.

Understanding the Mental Load

The key to reclaiming balance in her marriage came when Paige discovered Fair Play by Eve Rodsky. It provided the vocabulary and validation she needed. “It wasn’t about a to-do list - it was the invisible load,” she emphasized. “It’s checking the diaper bag, remembering allergy-friendly snacks, managing calendars.”
​
Her husband, like many partners, was willing to help - if only she’d tell him what to do. But that was the problem. “The issue wasn’t his willingness. It was the structure: I was the project manager delegating tasks. That’s still a job.”
​
When Good Men Get Defensive

Money, Time, and Fairness

One of the most frequent objections women hear is that their partner “works more” or “makes more money,” and therefore shouldn’t have to contribute equally at home. Paige was firm: “You can’t earn your way out of being a parent and a partner.”

In her household, equity meant assessing time, not income. “My husband may work 50 hours, but I’m with the kids alone for 40. We look at the entire week, paid and unpaid labor, when deciding what’s fair.”

Mom as the CEO of the Home

Paige pointed to how often women are expected to be the CEO of the household. Even when partners say “just tell me what to do,” the responsibility of overseeing, remembering, and following up still falls on them. This manager-employee dynamic, she warned, breeds resentment - and resentment is “cancer for a marriage.”
She illustrated this with the classic “nag paradox”: a woman asks her partner to do something, reminds him, and then gets labeled as nagging when he drops the ball. “You’re holding all the accountability with none of the support.”

The Corporate Trap: When Work Isn’t Built for Caregivers

Paige also reflected on her professional life. “I don’t take advice from men who say ‘grind harder’ when there’s clearly a woman doing the caregiving in the background,” she said. Her critique of corporate norms runs deep.
The lack of paid parental leave, affordable childcare, and equitable PTO policies means women are often penalized for being mothers. “There’s a motherhood penalty and a fatherhood bonus,” she explained. “When men become dads, their salaries increase. Women? They’re passed over.”

And unlimited PTO? Paige warns it’s a trap. “It sounds flexible but leads to people -especially women - taking less time off because there are no guardrails.”

Changing the Conversation at Home

Paige’s tips for overwhelmed mothers were both empowering and practical:

1. Educate Yourself: Learn the language. Understand what mental load is and why it matters.
2. Make It Visible: Use tools like the Fair Play game or spreadsheets to document who does what.
3. Set Goals as a Couple: Decide together what equity looks like for your family.
4. Prepare for the Talk: Don’t spring it on your partner. Come with clarity and a plan.
5. Start Small but Honest: Validate your experience. This is difficult and emotional, but worth it.
   ​

She offers a free guide and an audio course, How to Talk to Your Partner About the Mental Load, which helps women build confidence to initiate these vital conversations.

Redefining Parenthood
​
Paige challenges the myth that kids naturally gravitate toward moms. “If dads were equally involved, kids would ask for them too,” she insists. Her children often choose their dad just as often because he’s been present, loving, and hands-on since day one. “Caregiving isn’t about biology. It’s about showing up.”

​When we think of parenting, we often picture the early joys, the late-night feedings, and the unforgettable milestones. But for Caitlin Johnson, motherhood began not with a baby in arms - but with three siblings adopted through the foster care system in Nevada. Caitlin’s journey from zero to three kids overnight is not only remarkable, it is also deeply rooted in trauma-informed care, resilience, and love.

From Inspiration to Action

Caitlin was no stranger to adoption growing up. Close family friends - and even her own parents - had adopted children. But she also witnessed the unintended harm that can result when well-meaning families take on more than they are emotionally equipped to handle.
​
“I saw a lot more harm caused than good in some cases,” she shared. Determined to do better, Caitlin pursued formal education in developmental psychology, studied adoption and attachment trauma, and trained through a high-needs foster care agency. With a heart for children who’d experienced hardship, she committed to making a difference where it mattered most.

Understanding Trauma and Self-Awareness

Caitlin emphasizes that fostering and adoption require a deep sense of self-awareness, “You have to have a certain level of self-awareness of knowing what your limitations are. Not everyone should or needs to foster parent the harder kids.” “You can cause more harm,” she urges. Caitlin also reminded that “Not every kid that's in foster care is a harder kid. If you have that heart, if you have that desire … you should absolutely go for it… Still look for trauma-informed resources because being removed from your family is still a trauma…Do real self-evaluation. What can I handle? What can I not handle? Let that lead where you go. And it may be to a higher level of care agency where you're taking in some of those harder kids and you have those additional supports through an agency. Or it may be the traditional foster care route where you have a more typical child experience of parenting a child in the foster care system.”
​
From learning about trauma-informed parenting to completing rigorous training, Caitlin made sure she had the tools to support her kids, who live with various diagnoses.
​
Finding Support and a New Career Path

Real Talk: What Parenting Teens With Trauma Really Looks Like

Today, Caitlin’s kids are all teens. While some parents dread this stage, Caitlin thrives in it. “I love parenting teenagers,” she says. “This is an age group and just a stage of development that I feel very much in my element for. I know that's not the case for everybody, and some people really enjoy the toddler years or the elementary school years, but I feel like I've really gotten my groove with my kids as they're teenagers. This doesn't mean that there aren't struggles, of course, because teenagers can be dramatic and emotional.”

Caitlin supports her children by allowing them the space to learn from their choices and experience the consequences. Sometimes, that support means calmly holding space for their emotional outbursts, even in public. She recalls sitting on a curb through one of her child’s meltdowns, then using the moment later to teach reflection and emotional regulation. It’s not always easy, but it’s effective: “We’ve gone from outbursts a few times a week to once every few months.”

Healing Isn’t Linear. It’s Still Possible

The early years were hard. Therapy appointments (10-15 hours per week), emotional upheavals, sleep deprivation - they leave little time for self-care. “I was really drowning,” Caitlin admits. “But I never gave up, because my kids wanted to heal. That made all the difference.”

Over the years, her children have grown into confident, quirky, and fun teens. “Watching them experience things like birthday parties or joking with friends - it’s a reminder of how far they’ve come.”

Advice for Aspiring Adoptive Parents

• Do your homework: Trauma-informed parenting is crucial.
• Know your limits: You don’t have to take on everything to make an impact.
• Build a community: Connect with other adoptive or foster families.
• Keep therapy in your toolkit: For you and your children.
• Remember, it is you and the child versus the trauma: Not you versus the child!
  ​

Looking Ahead

Caitlin is hopeful about her children’s future. While they each have different strengths and needs, she’s confident they’ll thrive in adulthood. “They’re resilient. They’ve overcome so much. And I know they’ll go on to do great things.”​

We are living through an unprecedented mental health crisis among children. Alarming studies show that even kids as young as five years old are experiencing suicidal thoughts. Cristina Ramirez, founder of DashStrom, believes the antidote lies in movement, mindset, and empowerment - and she, along with her co-founder Ketaki Desai, is on a mission to spark a national movement that transforms how we support kids.

In our recent conversation on the Trust Me Mom podcast, Cristina shared her powerful personal story, how DashStrom was born, and why fitness is just the vehicle for something much bigger: helping kids believe in themselves.

From "Problem Child" to Ironman to Empowerment Advocate

Cristina describes herself as a rebellious teen who lacked confidence and made poor choices. But when she became a mom, everything changed. Determined to be healthy for her two sons, she trained for and ran a 5K. That sense of accomplishment was life-changing.

“I felt like I had just won an Olympic gold medal,” she recalled. That small win led to bigger races and eventually Ironman triathlons. “I was a completely different person,” she said.  She wanted her kids and all other kids to have that powerful mindset too. 

Turning Fitness into a Tool for Confidence

Cristina’s journey led her to start a simple run club at her sons’ elementary school. After watching kids struggle through a 5K only to light up with pride at the finish line, she knew she was onto something.

“That moment of ‘I did it!’ - you can’t buy it. It has to be earned,” Cristina explained. “Confidence comes from doing hard things.”

She began developing a curriculum of games that would be both physically engaging and mentally empowering. These games simulate the challenge-achievement cycle: struggle, persistence, and success. Each activity is rooted in one of DashStrom’s eight “empowerment principles,” such as positive thinking. 

The Ice Cream Story: Teaching Kids to Manage Negative Thoughts

One game in the program illustrates how DashStrom blends storytelling with physical play. Cristina teaches kids to recognize negative thoughts like distractions on the path to the “ice cream store.” Just as you wouldn’t run across the street to hug a stranger, you don’t have to engage with every negative thought. Then kids play tag games where they physically practice turning negative thoughts into positive ones. The idea is that kids don’t just hear the lesson - they live it.
 
Who It's For: From Preschoolers to Preteens

Dashstrom serves kids ages 2 to 13. The structure of the games stays the same, but expectations evolve with age. “For a preschooler, saying ‘I am powerful’ at the end of class is enough. For a middle schooler, we want deeper reflection,” Cristina noted. And kids keep coming back - not just because it’s good for them, but because it’s fun.

A National Movement and a Side Hustle for Parents

DashStrom is now in 41 states and over 250 communities across the U.S. Cristina and her team train coaches - often moms and dads - who run the program in schools, churches, parks, and even shopping malls.
“We train people to become DashStrom coaches, and they do this as a side hustle... They make like 100 bucks an hour,” Cristina said. “Some people work full time so they will do it on the weekends... Some people will do it right after school and it also depends on the community.”

There’s also a deep sense of mission. “I believe that we are in a crisis that is unprecedented,” Cristina emphasized. Like many parents, Cristina is deeply concerned about children’s screen addiction, growing disconnection, and rising anxiety.
 
More Than Just Sports

Unlike traditional sports programs where confidence is a side effect, DashStrom puts emotional empowerment at the center. “Seventy percent of kids don’t enjoy team sports,” Cristina said. “This gives them another way to move, grow, and believe in themselves.”

Want to Get Involved?
​
Parents, teachers, and community members can learn more or sign up to coach at dashstrom.com/hellocoach. “We train you for free,” said Cristina. “We show you how to do this and how to go into your community, how to talk to the school, and then what to teach in the classes.” The program includes training, background checks, safety protocols, and a supportive network of passionate people.
 
Cristina’s story is a reminder that resilience isn’t something we’re born with   it’s something we can learn, practice, and pass on. Through DashStrom, she’s helping the next generation grow up stronger in body, mind, and spirit.
​
Want to hear Cristina’s full interview? Listen to the latest episode of the Trust Me Mom podcast.

​Parenting is tough. Parenting while stressed, sleep-deprived, and mentally stretched? Even tougher. That’s why I sat down with David Creswell, professor of psychology and neuroscience at Carnegie Mellon University, to talk about what science can teach us about wellness - and how parents can build resilience in everyday life.

David leads the Health and Human Performance Lab, where he and his team explore what helps people thrive under stress. Drawing from over a decade of research, David shared what he calls the “hallmarks of wellness” - core lifestyle factors that make a measurable difference in how we feel, think, and function.
​
Whether you're caring for little ones, juggling work, or just trying to make it through the day, these hallmarks offer science-backed ways to take better care of yourself.

1. Relationships: It's About Feeling Supported
​
Social support is one of the most powerful predictors of wellness. But according to research, it’s not just about how many people are around you - it’s about whether you feel emotionally supported.
David emphasizes that for parents - especially those with kids who need extra care -having a community of support (even perceived) can be a game changer.
“What seems to drive the biggest health benefits is the perception that you feel supported, more so than the actual amount of help you get.”
Even a short walk with a friend or a moment of shared laughter can reinforce that feeling of connection.
 
2. Sleep: The Overlooked Key to Success

Sleep might be the first thing to go when you become a parent - but it’s one of the most essential elements of health and cognitive function. David’s team studied college students' sleep patterns and found that:

• Students averaging six hours or less of sleep experienced significant drops in GPA.
• Total nightly sleep mattered more than naps or sleep timing.

For adults, poor sleep affects everything from decision-making to emotional regulation. Fortunately, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia (CBT-I) offers proven tools:

• Set a consistent wake-up time, even after a bad night.
• Keep smartphones out of the bedroom.
• Use your bed only for sleep and sex - no scrolling or stewing over stress.

If you wake up in the middle of the night and can’t fall back asleep, get up and walk around until you feel drowsy again - don’t lie in bed ruminating. 

3. Activity: Rethinking Exercise in “Snacks”

David recommends dropping the pressure to “work out” and instead embracing bite-sized movement.
“Even taking the stairs or parking farther away adds up. Movement 'snacks' count.”
​
He also highlights social sports like pickleball, tennis, or walking with a friend - activities that combine movement and human connection for double the benefit.
If you're feeling overwhelmed as a caregiver, aim for small wins: stretch, walk, play, dance -even 10 minutes makes a difference.

4. Consumption: What We Eat, Drink, and Click
​
David defines consumption broadly:

• Substances: Smoking and heavy alcohol use clearly harm wellness.
• Food: Processed, salty, and sugary foods hijack our cravings.
• Digital media: Social media overuse can increase stress, anxiety, and FOMO.

“We have to be thoughtful about what we consume - not just food, but our time and attention, too.”
Pro tip: If you enjoy a nightly glass of wine, try a half glass and sip it slowly. It’s not about eliminating pleasure - it’s about engaging with it mindfully.
 
 5. Mindset: The Engine Behind Everything

At the heart of David’s research is the idea that mindset shapes wellness. Whether it’s purpose, emotional regulation, or resilience, how we relate to our thoughts matters.

Through his app Equa (short for equanimity), David teaches core mindfulness skills:

• Concentration (focusing your attention)
• Sensory clarity (noticing your experience)
• Equanimity (staying present with discomfort without reacting)

“Meditation isn’t about relaxing - it’s like going to the gym. Distraction and discomfort mean you’re doing it right.”
Practicing even 5–10 minutes a day of mindfulness can reduce cortisol, lower blood pressure, and make you less emotionally reactive to parenting stressors.
 
Final Thoughts: Inventory Your Wellness

David encourages parents to reflect on each of these hallmarks of wellness:

1. Do I feel supported by others?
2. Am I getting enough restful sleep?
3. Am I moving in ways that feel doable?
4. What am I consuming - food, drink, media?
5. Am I taking care of my mindset?
6. (Bonus) Can I be kinder to myself when I slip?

 
 Tools & Resources

• CBT-I for sleep: Search “Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia” for tips and free resources.
• Equa app: Offers short guided mindfulness sessions focused on building equanimity.
• Sleep clinics & behavioral therapists: These professionals can help you rebuild healthy sleep routines and manage stress.

  
This conversation with David Creswell was eye-opening and encouraging. As a parent myself, I know how easy it is to put yourself last - but neuroscience reminds us that your wellness is the foundation for your child’s well-being, too.
Want more science-backed support for parenting and mental health? Listen to this episode of the Trust Me Mom podcast.

​Parenting often feels like it should come naturally. Yet, for many of us, the journey reveals just how much learning, healing, and growth it truly demands. In a recent conversation on the Trust Me Mom show, I had the pleasure of speaking with Hunter Clarke-Fields, an author, speaker, podcaster, and creator of the Mindful Parenting course and teacher training program.

Hunter’s journey from overwhelmed mom to mindful parenting advocate is deeply inspiring—and packed with lessons for all of us striving to do better.

From Struggle to Strength: Hunter’s Parenting Journey
 
Hunter didn’t become a parenting expert and advocate because it came easily to her. Quite the opposite. She openly shared that she struggled with anger and reactivity, especially when parenting her oldest, highly sensitive daughter.
“I was a highly sensitive kid. I had some issues with the way I was responding to her, and I was yelling at her and I was scaring her. And it was awful because that's exactly how I didn't want to parent.”

Despite having practiced mindfulness before becoming a parent, Hunter found herself yelling—something she had vowed never to repeat from her own upbringing. “That's how my father was with me. He had a really terrible temper, and I had specifically chosen to not yell, and yet I was yelling. So, it was really frustrating for me.”
 
Desperate for change, she dove into learning, becoming certified in Parent Effectiveness Training and embracing tools from mindfulness practices. One critical realization shaped her path: No parenting skill is effective if we can’t first manage our own stress responses. “I got certified as a Parent Effectiveness Training teacher. I did so much stuff. And I realized that all this learning I was doing about how to respond to your kids was useless if you couldn't take care of your stress response. If you were getting activated, if you were getting reactive, if you were starting to lose it, then everything you learned would go out the window. And I saw that pretty clearly with myself.

And so I saw that the tools from the world of mindfulness really had to come in here, because before then, we had just been assuming that parents could just perfectly do anything we chose to do and that we were like a blank slate. And the truth is, we have a lot of healing to do.”

Mindfulness became her bridge to better parenting—helping her recognize, pause, and respond rather than react.

Parenting Is a New Language

Hunter likens parenting skills like reflective listening to learning a new language. It can feel awkward at first, but practicing skills like validating children’s emotions, listening without dismissing, and managing our own emotional triggers pays off tremendously over time. As she shared, "Whenever you can put that work in, it pays dividends down the line like crazy."
​
Building Emotional Regulation: Long-Term and In-the-Moment Strategies
​
Hunter emphasized two approaches to help parents stay calm during challenging moments:

1. Long-Term Practice

Building emotional resilience isn’t just about surviving crisis moments—it’s about daily mindfulness habits.
Some ideas include:

• Taking mindful walks, focusing on your footsteps.
• Practicing short, daily meditations (even three minutes counts).
• Reducing device distractions to stay present.

Research even shows that mindfulness physically changes the brain—shrinking the amygdala (our stress center) and strengthening the prefrontal cortex (our rational, problem-solving center).

2. Short-Term Techniques: The Three Rs

• Recognize: Name your emotions out loud ("I'm feeling frustrated.").
• Remove: If possible, take a quick break to cool down safely.
• Resources: Use tools to regulate your body, such as deep breathing, shaking out tension, or repeating calming mantras like, “This is not an emergency.”

Modeling this healthy self-regulation teaches children emotional intelligence and resilience.

Honesty Over Perfection

One powerful takeaway was the importance of honestly naming emotions. Pretending to be calm when you’re boiling inside teaches children to distrust their instincts. Hunter encouraged parents to acknowledge feelings ("I'm feeling really upset. I need a break.") in a non-blaming way, emphasizing ownership of emotions rather than projecting them onto the child.
Children don’t need perfect parents—they need models for how healthy adults manage emotions.

Supporting Neurodivergent Kids

For parents of neurodivergent children, the stakes—and challenges—can feel even higher. Hunter advises:

• Recognize when the child has a problem (not the parent).
• Stay steady and calm, acting as a supportive listener.
• Validate their feelings without dismissing or overreacting.

As Hunter put it, “Well, it's really helpful in situations like this to understand who has a problem… When you have a problem, when your needs aren't being met, you want to solve your problem. But when your child has a problem, when your child gets dirty or your child has a boo-boo or whatever it is, whatever [the] size of the reaction is, it's still your child's problem. It's not your problem…But then you're the helper.” For example, if a child is distressed after touching something "dirty," acknowledge their distress rather than minimizing or escalating it. Meeting their emotional needs respectfully builds trust and emotional resilience.

When Problems Become Bigger: Seeking Help

In cases where behaviors escalate into self-harming routines (like obsessive hand-washing), Hunter recommends partnering with mental health professionals. Healing and habit change must come through empathy, intrinsic motivation, and support—not force or blame.

Fostering Resilience Through Failure

Allowing kids to fail safely and experience natural consequences builds resilience. Hunter shared how activities like free play, crafting, and even making small purchases independently can teach valuable life skills over time. Importantly, parents need to resist overprotecting their children due to their own past traumas.
As Hunter wisely noted: "Your kids don’t need you to be serene all the time. They need you to model what a healthy adult does with big feelings."

Wisdom from 500+ Podcast Interviews

Hunter also reflected on the lessons she's learned through interviewing hundreds of experts on the Mindful Mama Podcast, including:

• Lenore Skenazy on giving kids more independence.
• Gabor Maté on childhood trauma and emotional healing.
• Bethany Saltman on true attachment, which is rooted in emotional attunement, not co-sleeping or other surface behaviors.

Her work continues to emphasize the transformative power of mindful parenting—built through small, consistent steps.

Heal Yourself to Help Your Child

Parenting mindfully is hard work, especially when we carry our own childhood wounds. But as Hunter beautifully reminds us: "You can’t give what you don’t have. You have to cultivate inside what you want to express on the outside."
Starting with small steps—like daily mindfulness, emotional honesty, and compassionate listening—can create profound change for ourselves and our children.

Hunter’s Books
​
Hunter’s popular books, including Raising Good Humans, Raising Good Humans Every Day, and the Raising Good Humans Guided Journal, are practical, compassionate guides packed with actionable tools for everyday parenting challenges. Her writing helps parents translate complex research into easy-to-implement daily practices.
 

​Parenting is never easy, but it becomes especially challenging when your child is struggling with their mental health. For many parents, recognizing and understanding the signs of depression or self-harm can feel like an overwhelming task. To shed light on these issues and provide valuable guidance, Ekaterina Konovalova sat down with Wendy McSparren, a seasoned clinical social worker with over three decades of experience in mental health. Wendy is also the founder of Westmoreland Psychotherapy Associates, a practice that has grown significantly to meet the increasing need for mental health services, especially during the pandemic.

In this conversation, Wendy shared her expertise on recognizing signs of depression, the complexities surrounding self-harm in kids and adolescents, and how parents can support their children through these difficult times.
 
From Accounting to Psychology: Wendy’s Journey Into Mental Health

Wendy’s path to becoming a clinical social worker is rooted in her own experiences as a young adult. Originally an accounting major in college, she found herself unhappy in the field. After speaking with a psychologist who encouraged her to pursue a career that involved working with people, Wendy switched to psychology. She later pursued social work at the University of Pittsburgh, which she found deeply rewarding. Reflecting on her early struggles, Wendy emphasized how personal experiences shaped her passion for helping others. "I want to give hope to people that you can have struggles and difficulties in life, but there's hope and there's light at the other end of the tunnel," she shared.

Depression in Adolescents: More Than Just Feeling Sad

One of the most pressing issues facing parents today is understanding depression in their children, especially when they may not exhibit the "classic" symptoms. Wendy explained that it’s essential to differentiate between clinical depression and situational depression. While both can cause significant emotional distress, the causes and treatment options differ.
 
Situational depression often arises from life stressors such as a family issue, a personal loss, or school challenges. This form of depression is typically temporary, with emotional support and coping strategies helping the individual overcome it.
 
On the other hand, clinical depression has deeper biological roots and may require professional intervention, including medication. This can be especially tricky for parents when it comes to children and adolescents whose bodies are still developing. Wendy noted that many parents hesitate to consider medication for their kids due to concerns about its impact on growth and development.
 
Signs of Depression: More Than Just Sadness

While sadness and isolation are the hallmark symptoms of depression, Wendy pointed out that adolescents may also express their depression in less obvious ways, such as anger and irritability. This can be confusing for parents who may not immediately recognize these behaviors as signs of depression.
 
Furthermore, Wendy discussed the varying degrees of suicidal thoughts. "Most people have different degrees of thinking about what life would be like if I wasn’t here," she explained. These thoughts can range from fleeting moments of despair to more serious plans or attempts. In some cases, adolescents may engage in non-suicidal self-injury (NSSI) as a way to cope with intense emotions.
 
Understanding Self-Harm: The Emotional Release and Brain Chemistry

Self-harm, particularly cutting, is another area that many parents struggle to understand. Wendy elaborated on the emotional distress that often leads to self-injury. For some adolescents, self-harm provides an emotional release, almost like a "catharsis" for bottled-up feelings of anger, sadness, or loneliness.
 
Additionally, she explained how the brain’s protective mechanisms can sometimes reinforce self-harm. When the body is injured, the brain releases chemicals such as dopamine to numb the pain. For some individuals, this chemical rush can become reinforcing, leading them to repeat the behavior for emotional relief.
 
What Leads to the Build-Up of Emotional Distress?

According to Wendy, the build-up of emotional distress is often due to an inability to manage overwhelming emotions. For many adolescents, this distress comes from sources such as peer relationships, family dynamics, or societal pressures. Wendy pointed out that current events - including negative news and social media - can exacerbate these feelings, creating a sense of helplessness or anxiety.
 
The lack of distress tolerance - the ability to cope with difficult emotions - can make it even harder for young people to navigate their feelings, leading them to resort to harmful coping mechanisms such as self-harm.
 
Are Some Kids More At Risk Than Others?

A common concern among parents is whether certain children are more prone to depression or self-harm, particularly those with neurodiverse conditions such as Asperger’s Syndrome or other autism spectrum disorders. Wendy emphasized that all young people are at risk for these issues. However, children with depression are more likely to engage in self-injury. Additionally, some younger children with neurodiverse conditions may exhibit different forms of self-injury, such as headbanging or biting themselves, before resorting to cutting or other more severe forms.
  
What Can Parents Do?

One of the most important things a parent can do is stay calm and get curious. When you notice signs of distress or self-harm, the natural reaction might be panic or anger but responding with empathy is key. Instead of asking, “What’s wrong with you?” Wendy suggests asking, “What’s happening?”  This shift in language opens the door to conversation rather than defensiveness. If the child doesn’t want to talk right away, set a clear but gentle boundary: “We need to talk about this. Can we talk this afternoon?” Let them feel some control while making it clear that ignoring the issue isn’t an option.

​
​When Trust Has Been Broken

For families experiencing high levels of conflict - perhaps due to divorce or past communication struggles - kids may not feel safe opening up. In these cases, Wendy suggests identifying a trusted adult for the child to speak to: a relative, therapist, school counselor, or coach. 

“It shouldn’t be a peer who’s also struggling,” Wendy warns. “It's like swimming out to a drowning person without a buoy, and you're trying to save them - and you both drown.”
 
Rebuilding Connection Through Community

Loneliness and social isolation are often at the heart of a child’s distress. Wendy highlights the importance of community and physical activity. Programs like Taekwondo, dance, or group sports can offer kids both emotional and physical outlets.

She also mentions emerging initiatives like DashStrom, a startup aimed at getting kids off screens and into real-world, active experiences that build emotional resilience and social connection.
​
That said, every child is different. Some may thrive in group settings, while others might feel overwhelmed. “Kids don’t come with manuals,” Wendy reminds us. “You have to figure out the puzzle of your own child.”

Final Thoughts: Listen More, Fix Less

As children become teens, their peers often outweigh their parents in emotional influence. This doesn’t mean parents are powerless - it means they need to listen deeply, empathize genuinely, and seek support when needed. “There is hope,” Wendy says. “Struggles don’t have to define your child’s future. With the right tools, connection, and support, healing is possible.”