“Talking about teens is one of my favorite things,” therapist and author Katie K. May told me at the start of our conversation. Katie is the author of You’re On Fire, It’s Fine, and her work centers on helping families understand what’s really happening beneath intense teenage behavior.
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In our conversation, Katie unpacked why some teens experience emotions as overwhelming and all-consuming, what parents often do (with good intentions) that accidentally makes it worse, and how to communicate in a way that builds trust, safety, and emotional skills over time.

Katie’s Story: Pain, Coping, and Breaking the Cycle

Katie’s expertise comes not only from clinical training, but from lived experience. She shared openly that she “struggled as a teenager,” raised by a single dad who “didn't have the skills to parent, let alone parent a fire-feeler, deep-feeling teenager like me.”

To survive, she used what she now recognizes as coping strategies –“self-harming, using substances, doing anything I could to escape the pain that I was feeling inside of me.” The turning point came in her mid-20s: “It wasn't until a surprise pregnancy… that I really had the motivation… to realize that there was a world that was bigger than the pain inside of me.” That realization led her into healing and eventually into the work she now does with teens and parents.

Who Are “Fire Feelers”?

Katie coined the term fire feeler because she “really wanted a way to illustrate for people who are not fire feelers what it is like to have the experience of having these big and overwhelming emotions.”

A fire feeler is a teen who feels intensely, reacts quickly, and takes longer to calm down. In Katie’s words, these are “your zero to 60 in 10 seconds flat kind of kids… and who take a really long time to calm down once they are triggered.”
And the internal experience can feel consuming: “The way that I describe this is that your feelings are so big that it feels like you're on fire with your emotions, that you're all consuming.”
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This framing matters because it shifts the lens. If a teen feels like they’re on fire inside, of course their brain searches for relief. As Katie put it: “It makes sense that a person's brain would come up with solutions to make that fire go out.” Those “solutions” often look like the behaviors parents fear most: “self-harm, self-destructive behaviors, drugs and alcohol, binging, scrolling, numbing out, lashing out, cutting off relationships.” And her reframe is crucial: “So what most people see as the problem is actually a solution for a fire-feeler who's overwhelmed with their own emotions.”

Why “You’re Fine” Can Backfire

Katie made an important distinction between invalidation and validation and emphasized that many invalidating responses come from loving parents who are trying to help.

Invalidation can sound like minimizing: “that's not a big deal,” or “everyone has friend troubles.” Or it can sound like quick fixes: “Go take a walk… take a nap… go get a snack.” These are well-meaning, but for a fire feeler, they can land painfully.

Katie used a metaphor that sticks: “It's so easy to make this feeling go away… it feels like a little squirt gun of water for this person. Like it's not helping make the fire go out.” Worse, the teen may internalize the message that something is wrong with them: “It's giving this underlying message that it is easy to make these feelings go away, but it's not for me. So, there must be something wrong with me that I can't make this go away.”

What Validation Actually Looks Like

Validation is not agreeing with everything a teen thinks or does. Validation is communicating: I see you. I hear you. Your feelings make sense.

Katie said it starts before words, with presence: “The first is just presence and paying attention.” She shared a memorable line from her work with younger kids that applies to teens too: “Your attention flows where your nose goes.”
In practice, that can mean pausing what you’re doing and showing you’re listening, even when the topic seems small. Because, as Katie reminded us: “They're not going to come to us with the bigger things if we can't show that we're there… for the smaller things.”

Then, scripts can be simple: “That sounds really hard.” Or: “We're just naming, we're paraphrasing and repeating back… I see that you're really sad about this.”

​Raising a teenager with big emotions can feel overwhelming, especially when nothing you say seems to help. In this episode (Season 2, Episode 31) available on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, author and therapist Katie K. May shares strategies for how parents can help their teens. Katie introduces the concept of “fire-feelers,” teens who experience emotions intensely and struggle to calm down once triggered. Drawing from her own lived experience and years of clinical work using Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), she explains why common parenting strategies like minimizing, fixing, or pushing for conversations often backfire.

​The Escalation Trap Between Parents and Teens

Katie described a common dynamic where parents and teens unintentionally trigger each other: “We call it the transactional model and it's this idea that what I do or say influences you and what you do or say influences me.”

A familiar pattern: teen is overwhelmed and says, “leave me alone,” then heads to their room. A parent follows, thinking, “They're being disrespectful,” or feeling urgency to fix things now. The conflict escalates until it reaches “a crisis point.”
Katie’s alternative is simple, but not easy: regulate yourself first. Let things cool. Then return to problem-solve.

She summed it up with a line that applies everywhere: “I like to say that you can't teach someone to swim when they're drowning… you can't solve a problem when you're both flooded with emotions.”

A “Text Check-In” Instead of a Face-to-Face Blowup

Katie also offered a concrete strategy for reconnecting after cooling down, especially with emotionally sensitive teens who may “read the nuance in your facial expressions and your tone of voice.”

Her suggestion: “I like something called the text check-in.” And she gave the script verbatim: “Text check-in, hey, I'm a little bit calmer, how about you? Are you ready to talk about this yet?” The goal is collaboration, not control: “You're inviting them to be collaborative in when and how we problem solve.”

Validation and Boundaries Can Coexist

For parents with a more authoritarian background, Katie emphasized that warmth does not eliminate limits: “Having the ability to validate your teen… does not change the fact that teens still need limits and boundaries and expectations.” But boundaries work best when they focus on what you will do, not demanding a teen’s emotional performance. Katie offered a clear example: “Hey, I really don't like the way that you just talked to me. I don't feel good about that. I'm leaving the room when you're ready to talk to me in a different way.”

And she reinforced why: “Removing yourself from situations like that are going to be more effective than demanding a different response.”

What to Say When a Teen Shares Suicidal Thoughts

When the stakes are high, Katie was very direct. If a teen discloses suicidal thoughts, start with: “Thank you for trusting me. Thank you for telling me.” Then: “Mind your face. Mind your tone. be a calm presence.” If the teen has acted on an urge, the first step is safety: “We wanna make sure that we're getting medical or emergency support… as a first step to stabilize.”

“Trying to Hold a Beach Ball Underwater”

Toward the end of our conversation, we returned to a question many parents ask: how can teens feel intense emotions safely instead of suppressing or numbing them?

Katie’s answer was one of the most powerful metaphors in the interview: “It's like trying to hold a beach ball underwater. Like you can only control it for so long before it pops out of the water and you never know who it's gonna hit in the face at that point.”

She explained why quick-fix strategies are tempting: “We use these short term strategies to make emotions go away quickly because it works in the short term but it makes life harder in the long term.” The real work depends on capacity and safety. For some teens, emotions spike so intensely that moving too fast can increase risk. That’s why she focuses on skill-building and support: “wanting to make sure they have the right skills to manage emotions and then having the right guide, which in my opinion is a therapist, to help them build tolerance… over time.”

The Core Message: “Parents Go First”

Katie closed with a point she wanted parents to hear clearly: “I really like to drive home the point that parents go first.”
If teens are learning skills, parents have to model them: “It is a parent's responsibility to learn how to manage their emotions, to model better management of their emotions if they expect the same of their child.”
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And she added one more clear recommendation: “If teens are in therapy, parents need to be in therapy too so that they can all be working on feelings and skills together and separately.”

When Abby Eckel became a mother, something didn’t sit right. Like many women, she had absorbed years of glossy images and carefully curated narratives about what motherhood was supposed to look like. But after her second son was born, the gap between expectation and reality became impossible to ignore.
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“I felt really lied to about motherhood,” Abby says. “Everything I had been seeing, all the influencers I had been seeing, their carefully curated lives… I was like, this is such bull**t... I kind of set out to shed light, an honest look at motherhood, because I didn't really see that outside of Scary Mommy. And so I started creating content."

That moment became the starting point of a journey that would turn Abby into a widely followed content creator, educator, and advocate for more equitable partnerships and honest conversations about motherhood, marriage, and gender roles.

When “Equal” Isn’t the Norm

Abby didn’t set out to become an advocate. She started by sharing her own life. But one moment, in particular, revealed just how far her family’s setup diverged from what most people considered normal.

After moving into a new neighborhood, Abby casually mentioned to neighbors that her husband was inside making dinner. “They were like, ‘Is your husband working?’ And I was like, ‘No, he’s inside making dinner. It’s his week to cook.’ And they were kind of dumbfounded.”

In Abby’s household, cooking, bedtime routines, and domestic labor rotate. Both parents participate fully. When Abby shared this online, the response was immediate… and massive. “I realized very quickly that this was not the norm,” she said. “Even though I knew it wasn’t the norm, I didn’t realize the extent of it.”

That realization opened the door to a deeper education, which Abby says never really ends. “The more you learn about the inequities of marriage and motherhood and simply existing as a woman in the world, it never really ends.”
 
Raising Boys Without Gendered Shortcuts

Abby is raising two sons and is intentional about modeling equity at home, not through lectures but through expectations.  “There aren’t really any gender-specific roles,” she explains. “They’re doing their laundry, they’re cleaning up after themselves, they’re loading the dishwasher. They see both mom and dad doing all of these tasks.”

For Abby, accountability matters just as much as participation. When tasks aren’t done properly, they aren’t quietly fixed by someone in the background. She recalls a moment at her mother-in-law’s house when her son rushed through cleaning up train tracks, assuming his grandma would finish the job.

“He was like, ‘No, it’s okay, Nana has her own way that she wants it done.’ And I was like, ‘No, no, no. Nana doesn’t want to do this. She doesn’t find enjoyment in cleaning up after you.’” Instead of leaving it as is, Abby made him start over. “Now you’re going to sit down and you’re going to dump the box out, and we’ll put them in there together… If you have questions, I’ll be here to help you. But now you will complete this task.”
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The lesson wasn’t just about chores. It was about dismantling the belief that women enjoy cleaning, or that someone else will always pick up the slack.

It Is Not Women’s Fantasy That the House Falls Apart

One of Abby’s most viral responses came after the comedian John Christ mentioned on his Net Positive podcast that moms secretly enjoy leaving the house and returning to chaos because it makes them feel “needed.” Abby didn’t mince words. “It is not women’s secret hope or fantasy that when we leave the house is in shambles. It is quite literally most women’s nightmare.”

She explains why: the mess doesn’t magically disappear. “They’re going to have everything to clean up and piece back together… That’s a punishment. That’s not an enjoyment.”

For many women, the chaos triggers fear, not validation. “If you go out with your friends, or you go to an event and enjoy something or fulfill your hobby, and then you come home and it looks like a tornado went through your house — the kids haven’t been fed properly, the dogs haven’t eaten, toys are all over the place, and there are ground Goldfish crackers in the carpet,” she says passionately. “That’s not an enjoyable thing for anybody to come home to and be like, ‘Look how much my family needs me.’ That is very much like, ‘Holy sh*t — what if something happened to me? This is what my kid’s life would look like if I wasn’t here.’ And that very often is the main reason so many women stay in unhappy marriages, because they are terrified of how little proper care their children would receive in their absence and during the time they would be with their fathers during his custody.”
  
Abby provided an example of how Kentucky’s recent equal-custody law, framed as a way to reduce divorce, may in reality keep many women in marriages out of fear rather than happiness, because they are deeply concerned about the level of care their children would receive in their absence.

​In this episode of the Trust Me Mom podcast (Season 1, episode 30) available on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, Abby Eckel and host Ekaterina Konovalova unpack why so many women feel overwhelmed, unseen, and resentful, and why the problem isn’t communication, effort, or “doing more,” but deeply ingrained systems that still center men at women’s expense.

​Abby shared her journey into advocacy, the TikTok moment that went viral when she talked about splitting household labor equally, what centering yourself actually looks like in real life, and how raising boys differently can change future generations.

The Danger of Repackaged Misogyny

The conversation turned to cultural narratives that appear progressive on the surface but still place the burden on women. When author and podcaster Scott Galloway argued that unmarried women tend to thrive while unmarried men spiral, Abby saw a deeper problem.

“I think Scott Galloway is, for lack of a better term, a wolf in sheep’s clothing.” She explains why the message feels dangerous. “His entire message is like, we just need men to get married… because when men are single, they are destructive… We must pacify them with women.” For Abby, this framing ignores systemic issues and quietly assigns women responsibility for male behavior. “Women again should not be given up and sacrificed for men’s wellbeing. It’s just misogyny packaged a little bit prettier.”
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“You Cannot Communicate Your Way Into a Better Husband”

Perhaps the most provocative moment of the interview came when Abby was asked how women might create more balance in their marriages. Her response was so disarmingly blunt that I couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow: “Get a divorce?” She quickly clarified but didn’t soften the message. “There’s no amount of communicating… books… podcasts… counselors that are going to change somebody who has benefited greatly from the way things have been set up.”

Abby challenged the idea that women are responsible for fixing inequity through better phrasing or timing. “You cannot communicate your way into having a better husband. This is solely on men.” She explained why so many attempts fail. "You can't make him see your worth. You can't make him see that or suddenly deem that what you do is important enough to want to help out with, to want to participate in."

Centering Women in a World Built for Men

One of Abby’s core concepts is centering, or rather how rarely women are allowed to do it. “Men have always been centered,” she says. “The world was literally built by them, for them, on the backs of women.” Even men who consider themselves egalitarian often default to their own needs.

“They’re talking at their wives, not with them,” Abby explains. “It is me, me, me… and they don’t even realize it.” Her advice for women who cannot leave, many of whom are unable to do so, is radical in its simplicity.  “Start centering yourself.”
That might look small, but it’s powerful. “Make a meal that you like, even if everybody else hates it. Set the thermostat to your preferred setting.” These acts matter because they reconnect women to themselves. “This is about you finding fulfillment and happiness… outside of being a wife and a mother.”
 
The Work Still Ahead

Abby doesn’t pretend this path is easy. “This is going to feel really uncomfortable for men,” she says. “It will create friction.” She believes it is necessary, not just for women but for future generations. As she raises her sons in a household built on accountability, empathy, and shared responsibility, Abby is clear-eyed about what is at stake. “We give up our bodies. We give up wages. We give up promotions. [The world] was not built to empathize and understand what women go through.”

Change, she says, doesn’t come from women doing more, but from refusing to disappear inside systems that were never designed for them to thrive.

Are kids really more fragile than previous generations, or are they reacting exactly as we should expect to the world we have created for them?

That question sits at the heart of Kids These Days, a deeply researched book by Dr. Will Dobud, social work clinician and researcher and Dr. Nevin J. Harper. In a recent conversation on Trust Me Mom, Dr. Dobud unpacked how teen mental health became medicalized, why diagnosis and labeling often do more harm than good, and what truly helps young people heal.
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His perspective is shaped not just by research, but by lived experience.

From Troubled Teen to Social Work Trailblazer

Dr. Dobud does not approach youth mental health from a distance. As a teenager, he struggled himself. His father left the family, school was a constant source of conflict, and therapy became a regular part of his life. “I like to say I couch surfed from therapist to therapist,” he shared. “Therapy was just part of my everyday life.”

At 18, wanting to shift from surviving to contributing, he became a volunteer firefighter and EMT. Around the same time, he began working with young people in outdoor settings. What struck him immediately was the disconnect between how teens were described in clinical environments and how they actually showed up in the world.

“Therapists would come out and say, this kid is anxious, they have all these problems,” he said. “And I’d think, but when we’re camping, everything’s good. I don’t see that version of that child.” That disconnect sparked a lifelong curiosity about what actually works.

The Problem With Labels and the Medical Model

One of the central critiques in Kids These Days is how modern mental health relies heavily on diagnosis, categorization, and treatment manuals. While these systems promise clarity and safety, Dr. Dobud argues they often strip young people of agency and identity.

“We talk about these things like they’re natural laws,” he explained. “But there were times when none of this existed. These ideas came from somewhere, and that means we can question them.” When teens internalize labels like “anxious” or “depressed,” those labels can quietly become identities rather than descriptions of experiences. Over time, the focus shifts from growth to maintenance.

“We need people to be sick to have worth in our jobs,” Dr. Dobud said candidly. “So when someone asks a therapist what they do, it’s always about what’s wrong with people.” This framing, he argues, reinforces a medical model that does not reflect how therapy actually works. “If you ask any therapist what works, they’ll tell you it’s the relationship,” he said. “Imagine if your relationship with your surgeon predicted whether the surgery worked. It would change how we think about everything.”

When Therapy Becomes About Protecting the System

Decades of research show that therapy is effective, but also that no one model consistently outperforms another. Despite this, the field continues to produce more manuals, more diagnoses, and more standardized treatments. “Since the first meta-analysis in the 1970s, outcomes haven’t improved by even one percent,” Dr. Dobud noted. “We keep looking at the wrong thing.”
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He describes this as a form of professional self-protection. By defending manuals and diagnoses, systems defend their legitimacy, even when doing so undermines the very relationships that create change. “No one has ever said, I had the best therapist in the world, they followed an amazing manual,” he said. “That’s never happened.”

Power, Consent, and the Real Risk in Therapy

One of the most important themes in the conversation was power. Therapists hold immense power over children and families, whether they acknowledge it or not. “When you walk into therapy, you give up all the power,” Dr. Dobud said. “This is a stranger asking you to trust them with your kid.”

He believes harm occurs most often when professionals deny or misunderstand that power. “You can only hurt a child in the name of therapy if you really believe you’re the expert,” he said. “When you know you have all the power, you also know you have the off switch.” Rather than more rules or longer training pipelines, he argues the field needs deeper reflection on ethics, humility, and consent.

Outdoor Therapy and the Myth of the Magic Method

Dr. Dobud is known for his work integrating outdoor and adventure-based therapies, but he is quick to challenge the idea that nature itself is a cure. “Nature doesn’t care about healing you,” he said. Even though he really enjoys outdoors, he said, "I’ve never walked outside and thought, time for me to heal… time for my dose of nature. I’ve also seen rattlesnakes, grizzly bears, and I’ve been in a cage with a great white shark. I work in Australia, where everything can kill you." Dr. Dobud explains, “Space becomes healing when people attach meaning to it.”

Early in his career, he believed outdoor therapy worked because nature was inherently better. Research forced him to reconsider. “What I realized is I’m a better therapist outdoors,” he said. “What we do is probably the most boring part of the story. It’s about me and the client.”

Outdoor settings strip away professional performance. Teens see adults struggle, adapt, and respond authentically. That realness, not the activity itself, is what creates opportunity for growth.

Creating Experiences That Become Exceptions

Rather than focusing on problems, Dr. Dobud designs experiences that become exceptions to them. “If negative experiences can harm,” he said, “then experiences can also heal.” He described watching teens who were labeled as unfocused or incapable demonstrate determination, patience, and leadership while navigating challenges outdoors. Those moments allow young people to internalize a different story about themselves. “I don’t want to tell them what makes them strong,” he explained. “I want them to experience it.”

Kids as the Canary in the Coal Mine

Perhaps the most powerful idea in Kids These Days is the metaphor of children as the canaries in the coal mine. “No child creates the environment they grow up in,” Dr. Dobud said. “They don’t choose the school system, the toxins, the politics, or the technology.”

He pointed to well-documented examples, including lead exposure, endocrine-disrupting chemicals, and agricultural toxins that remain legally permissible despite decades of research showing harm. In some cases, these substances have been banned in other countries while remaining widespread in North America. “What’s troubling,” Dr. Dobud explained, “is that we allow these things into kids’ environments, and when kids react to them, we diagnose and medicate the child instead of questioning the system.”

When kids struggle, the response is often to medicate or diagnose them so they can remain in environments that may be harming them. “If a kid was in a mine saying, ‘I can’t breathe,’ would we say, ‘take this pill and stay in the mine,’ or would we change the environment?” Instead of asking why kids cannot adapt, he urges adults to ask what they are adapting to.
 
A Call to Adults, Not Another Parenting Manual

Kids These Days was intentionally written for adults, not as a checklist, but as a challenge. “We didn’t want to write another book telling parents ten things to do tomorrow,” Dr. Dobud said. “We’ve survived a decade of contradictory parenting manuals.”

The book invites readers to question sensational headlines, resist oversimplified explanations, and reclaim responsibility for shaping healthier systems. “Kids don’t belong to us,” he said. “They belong to tomorrow. The moment they’re born, our job is to set that tomorrow up better.”

The work is uncomfortable and often slow. But for Dr. Dobud, it is also energizing. “If you’re fighting for the right thing,” he said, “you don’t burn out.” And that may be the most hopeful message of all.

Is ABA therapy right for my child? How does ABA therapy work?

To answer these questions, demystify Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) therapy, explore its benefits, and talk candidly about the real experiences of families navigating autism, behavioral challenges, and mental health, I sat down with Brittany Maurizi, an ABA therapist and founder of Balanced Behaviors.
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With over a decade of experience in early childhood and special education, and as a mom of two, Brittany brings a unique blend of professional expertise and deep empathy to her work.

From Teacher to Therapist: Brittany’s Path to ABA

Brittany’s path to ABA began in the classroom: “I started out my career as an early childhood educator and special education educator. I was in that field for 10 years before I started really working closely with ABA therapists and I just saw the wonderful things that ABA therapy can do for people.”

Seeing the impact was enough to push her toward a new direction: “I knew that I wanted to branch a little bit outside of teaching. I just didn’t really know how. And then I got to work closely with a fantastic group of people and decided to go back to get my master’s degree.”
 
Inspired, Brittany returned to graduate school, became a Licensed Behavior Specialist in Pennsylvania, and is now completing her board certification hours. Today, she works with clients across ages and abilities while growing her practice, Balanced Behaviors.

What Is ABA Therapy?

ABA, which stands for Applied Behavior Analysis, is a structured, evidence-based therapy widely used to support children with autism, though Brittany is passionate about expanding access to people of all ages and diagnoses.
ABA typically focuses on four developmental domains:

1. Communication
2. Socialization
3. Functional/life skills
4. Behavior reduction

While commonly associated with autism, Brittany emphasizes that ABA can support any individual seeking to improve quality of life, learn life skills, or reduce challenging behaviors.

ABA is not intended to be indefinite: “ABA therapy is not a therapy that you have for the rest of your life… Our wheelhouse is about two to three years.” Treatment is consistent and goal-based: “You receive this therapy daily… Monday through Friday. My position is I write the treatment plan… and then I coach the technician to implement the treatment plan.”

And above all, the goal is independence. Brittany said, “We want to work ourselves out of a job… we want the quality of life for our client to improve."

ABA Across Ages: What It Looks Like

For Young Children

The focus often begins with communication. Working closely with speech therapists, Brittany aims to address frustrations that arise when children cannot express their needs: “Communication deficits are often where behaviors begin. We start there and build.”

For Teens

Socialization and functional skills take the lead, including task completion, vocational skills, safely using appliances, or preparing for adulthood. Brittany partners with schools to coordinate transition plans.

For Adults

A major gap exists in support for adults with developmental or behavioral needs. Brittany hopes to fill that gap by creating community, teaching independent living skills, and offering social skill-building programs. Or, as she put it: “Parents tell me they don’t have a community of people who understand. I want to create that.”
 
The Power of Community, And the Grief Parents Don’t Expect

As a mom of two boys, Brittany understands the emotional journey many families face. Her younger son has experienced speech delays and reading challenges, giving her firsthand insight into what parents go through when facing diagnoses, evaluations, and tough decisions.

“You almost have to go through a grieving process when a diagnosis comes for your child… Even myself being in the field, I had to go through that process.”

This lived experience helps her connect with families on a deeper level, earning trust that’s essential in ABA. 

In Season 1, Episode 28, you will learn what ABA therapy really is, how it works across different ages, and how parents can decide whether it’s the right fit for their child. Brittany Maurizi, ABA therapist and founder of Balanced Behaviors, breaks down common misconceptions, explains practical strategies families can use at home, and shares candid insights from her work and her own parenting journey. ​By the end, you will have a grounded, realistic picture of what effective ABA support looks like in everyday life.

Where Therapy Happens
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ABA services are flexible. Brittany regularly provides therapy:

• in clients’ homes
• in schools
• in daycares
• in the community

Although she doesn’t have a physical office yet, she dreams of opening a sensory-friendly therapeutic space with areas for kids, adults, and their caregivers.
 
Accessing ABA Therapy: Insurance & Evaluations

Most insurance pathways require:

1. A diagnosis from a licensed psychologist, psychiatrist, or LPC
2. A written order recommending ABA
3. An assessment conducted by a clinician like Brittany
4. An individualized treatment plan (ITP)

Daily sessions are typically conducted by an ABA technician under Brittany’s supervision. Insurance coverage varies widely, though progress is being made - some states are expanding access to individuals with Down syndrome and other conditions.
 
Crisis Support & Community Safety

ABA therapy often extends beyond behavior change - it can play a role in crisis prevention and support. Brittany shared a case of a nonverbal client who eloped from home. The police response became a powerful example of how community awareness saves lives: “They squatted on his level… showed him their badge… so he was getting familiarized with a safe person.”

She is now collaborating with local officials to train police departments on how to respond to individuals with autism or communication challenges.
 
Supporting Higher-Functioning Kids

For children who are verbal or more independent, interventions often focus on:

• visual schedules
• reducing anxiety about the unknown
• reframing instructions
• teaching self-regulation strategies
• positive reinforcement
• building trust

A key tool is the Premack Principle: “First this, then that.” Brittany emphasizes avoiding empty promises: “Do not get lost into empty promises… ‘We’re going to Chuck E. Cheese’ when you know that’s not a reality… The trust is going to be even harder to build.”
 
Positive Reinforcement Over Punishment

ABA is grounded in positive reinforcement, not punishment. Brittany teaches parents to recognize small successes, remain consistent, and avoid unrealistic rewards.

Even simple praise works: “I really love how you’re sitting and doing your homework for me.” Consistency, trust, and relationship-building are at the core of successful therapy.
 
How ABA Differs from Other Therapies

Unlike traditional mental health therapy, which might be weekly, ABA is:

• structured
• intensive
• daily or near-daily
• skill-building focused
• data-driven
• highly individualized

Skills learned on Monday are practiced again on Tuesday, reviewed Wednesday, and strengthened throughout the week.
 
Breaking the Stigma Around Mental Health and ABA

Despite growing awareness, stigma remains - both around autism and ABA therapy itself. Brittany wants to change that.
“When that diagnosis comes through, allow yourself to feel it… sit in it for a little bit and go from there.” Her hope is to create spaces where families feel supported, not judged.

Are we getting our kids ready for the world ahead of them?

That question sits at the heart of my conversation with Kepler Knott, author of Raising Tomorrow: Talks to Prepare Our Kids for What Lies Ahead. Kepler’s life has taken him through military service, teaching, global travel, fatherhood, and a long career in tech and marketing - experiences that eventually inspired him to write a book for his two daughters.​

From Pandemic Letters to a Guidebook for Families

During COVID, Kepler began writing - not for work, but for his daughters: “I began to write a series of letters to my own children on different topics… and I'm like, this is a book.”

Originally there were fifteen letters, one for each topic he felt mattered most as they grew up. But he didn’t want the tone to feel prescriptive or rigid: “It's not about telling my kids, hey, here's all the right answers, but here's some things to think about as you grow up… I wanted my kids to have a fun and flexible playbook.”

Each chapter blends stories, research, humor, and hard-earned wisdom into conversations families can actually have - on identity, relationships, values, work, money, and more.
 
Parenting in a Time of Overwhelm

Part of Kepler’s motivation comes from the emotional reality of today’s teens: “Ages 18 to 24… show the highest rates of depression. At the same time, two thirds of parents say parenting is harder than ever.”

Instead of panic, he wants parents to focus on teaching kids how to adapt, question, and navigate a world that’s both more connected and more confusing. He believes “our life's work as parents is not to clear the road for our kids. It’s to help them navigate it.”

A Father on Boys, Girls, and the Chaos of the Teenage Brain

When asked which chapter he enjoyed writing most, Kepler didn’t hesitate: the chapter on boys. As a father of daughters, he wanted them to understand the inner workings (and the bewildering parts) of teenage boys. "Plato once said of all the animals, the boys, the most unmanageable,” he jokes. 

He mixes humor with candor: “The woman's brain is multifaceted and diverse… The men had like… sports, sex, sex, food, friends… a simpler thing.”

But he also highlights the challenges boys quietly face: “Teenage boys… are four times more likely than girls to drop out of school, more likely to be placed in special education.”

It’s a chapter about empathy, not stereotypes, helping his daughters understand their peers with both awareness and compassion.
 
Identity: Who We Are, Where We Come From, and What We Share

Kepler’s own background informs the chapter on identity. He was raised white, Southern, Protestant; his wife’s family is Eastern European and Jewish. And like many multicultural households, they navigate different beliefs, practices, and histories.

But he encourages his daughters to balance individuality with connection: “Be proud of who you are and where you come from, but realize that we're all in this together.”

He includes a quote from Martin Luther King Jr.: “I have a dream where one day my children will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character.”

And a quote from his mother: “Finding someone who gets you is one of the best feelings or experiences you can have in life.” 
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His hope is that kids see identity not as a box, but as a lens, something they carry with them while still recognizing the humanity in others.

Religion, Tradition, and Raising Kids With Openness

Faith is another theme he approaches with balance. With kids growing up between two traditions, blended holidays are part of family life. When asked about Christmas, Kepler joked: “I'm still lobbying for a Christmas tree… For my wife… it's not how she grew up.”

But rather than choose, the family embraces both: “We actually celebrate both of those, all the holidays… everybody's invited to everything.”

His broader philosophy on spirituality is simple and generous: “I'm not your director of religious education, I'm your director of religious exploration.”
 
Teaching Critical Thinking in the Age of Endless Information

Kepler is passionate about teaching kids how to think, not what to think. He quotes Mark Twain: “I've never let schooling interfere with my education.”

And he warns that information alone isn’t clarity: “The truth of things is not just the information tidbit, it's the context… who's saying it and why are they saying it?”

He is equally adamant about teaching practical life skills like laundry, cooking, managing money - things he sees many teens lacking: “Kids get very educated in the formal sense, but yet they can't like function.”
 
Family Boundaries, Politics, and the Art of the Olive Branch

Traditions aren’t the hardest part of blending families, he says. Politics is. And he describes family gatherings the way many listeners can relate to: “A lot of holidays go sideways… It's about what's going on in the state of the country.”

His approach is rooted in relationship, not argument: “The simplest way is to keep your tongue in your mouth… we're sitting down at dinner together… so there's a certain level of respect and accommodation.”

Someone has to extend the olive branch, and someone has to take it.

What He Hopes Parents Will Walk Away With

At the end of our conversation, Kepler returned to the real purpose of the book: “Not all the right answers, but I think there are a lot of the right questions.”

He hopes families use the book as a starting point for conversations they’ve been meaning to have but didn’t know how to begin. And he offered a line that captures his whole philosophy: “I can't control the bigger picture of the world… but I can exert some influence… over myself and my own family.”

He added with a smile: “The parts add up to the whole and one plus one equals three.” (Yes, metaphor only - we clarified the math!). In the end, his message is simple: if each of us strengthens our own families through honest conversations and intentional guidance, we create a ripple effect- one that can shape not only our children’s futures, but the future we all share.

A Voice That Shook the Internet

In 2012, as the nation reeled from the tragic Newtown shootings, one Idaho mother sat down and wrote what millions of parents were too afraid to say out loud.

That mother was Liza Long.

Her viral essay, “I Am Adam Lanza’s Mother” (originally titled “Thinking the Unthinkable”) told the painful truth of raising a child with violent behavior and undiagnosed mental illness. The story spread across global media, and catapulted Liza into the spotlight as an “accidental advocate.”

“My story starts on the tragic day of the Newtown shootings in Connecticut in 2012. And that day, my second child had just been taken mental hospital undiagnosed with symptoms, but we weren't sure what was wrong, just very complicated symptoms... She was 13 at the time. I wrote about her as my son, but she's actually my daughter. Like so many parents, I just felt completely frustrated,” shared Lisa.  “When I heard about the Newtown shootings, I'd just gotten off the phone with her. Her caseworker said, ‘We need to charge her with a crime again so that she can get the level of services that she needs.’ And people didn't want to believe me that this is how it works, but this is how it works then and still, unfortunately now… In order to get my child mental health care, I was going to have to have her charged with a crime. And she's just the sweetest, stuffed-animal-loving, Harry-Potter-loving kid.” Needless to say, it was a hard time for Liza and her children.

When Love Means Making the Hardest Choice

Liza’s journey began long before that essay. Her middle child, Cassie (whom she originally wrote about as her son), began showing severe behavioral symptoms around the age of ten. “We didn’t know what was wrong,” she recalls. “Just complicated symptoms, and a system that couldn’t help us.”

For a while, safety meant separation. “As part of my safety plan, I had reduced custody of my younger two children,” she explains. “It was devastating. Even the judge said, ‘It doesn’t seem fair that mom’s being punished for taking the sick child.’ But that was the only way my kids were safe.”

A Diagnosis and a Turning Point

After years of searching for answers, everything changed when psychiatrist Dr. Demitri Papolos, author of The Bipolar Child, reached out to Liza. He suspected juvenile bipolar disorder, and he was right.

Cassie began treatment with lithium, and within six months, the violent outbursts stopped. “We just kept watching - no violent episodes. She said, ‘I think I can go back to mainstream school.’ Four years later, she graduated as senior class president.”

Today, Cassie is a thriving young adult with a scholarship, advocacy work of her own, and even a TED Talk that outperforms her mom’s. “She reminds me,” Liza laughs, “‘Mom, I’m still beating you!’ And I say, ‘You deserve it - you have a powerful message.’”

The Invisible Toll on Families

Raising a child with mental illness takes more than courage; it takes endurance. Liza points out that the stress level of parenting a child with autism or severe mental illness can be similar to living in a war zone. Many marriages do not survive the strain.

“Someone once asked why I always talk about moms,” she recalls. “There are some great dads out there, but I just kind of snarkily replied, well, in my experience, it's the moms who stick around. And that was my experience. I was the mom I stuck around. I have four children and I had to make some really impossible choices regarding my children back to the violent behavior in the home."

Still, she resists blame. “It’s not your fault. You are doing your best." Parents of easy kids take too much credit; parents of hard kids take too much blame. She also highlights the importance of respite care, a support system often overlooked. “It’s life-changing,” she says. “Even a few hours for yourself can keep you going.”

Finding Faith, Identity, and Community

Liza’s story didn’t end with her daughter’s diagnosis. Years later, Cassie came out as transgender, a transition that brought new conversations, and new acceptance.

“Once her mental health stabilized, she could really explore who she was,” Liza says. “She’s happier now, more grounded. My mom, who’s very religious, immediately accepted her. She said, ‘Well, darn, I just ordered T-shirts for the grandkids. Wish I’d known to get her a girl’s one!’”

Liza herself, who once stopped attending her Mormon church, has since returned to a congregation that embraces her family. "My congregation has been very accepting and welcoming of my children, which I am really grateful for. I will never choose a church over my kids," she sad. "If I were to feel that the church were moving back toward where it was when I wrote the book, which we could just describe as an anti-LGBTQ stance, I think it would be time for me to hit the pause button on my participation in that congregation. My kids have always come first for me, and that will continue to be case no matter what."

The Power of Support and Hope

Throughout her journey, community was Liza’s lifeline: from supportive teachers to local organizations like NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) and Idaho’s Raven Scholars Program for college students with autism.

“If schools, law enforcement, and mental health providers all worked together, we could change lives,” she insists. “I’ve seen it happen in places like San Antonio, where wraparound services truly support families.”

Her advice to parents in the thick of it? “Hang in there. It gets better. It was really hard, but my kids were worth it and they're just healthy, happy, well-functioning adults. They're all really good friends. They get together and play video games once a week online and it's really fun to see that relationship. But also, it's been a true blessing for me.”

Carving Out Space for Yourself

Amid the chaos, Liza discovered a small but powerful habit that saved her sanity - yoga. Find one thing that is yours. “It can be whatever, an hour to read your favorite novel or fencing or whatever - just something. But for me, I discovered yoga during this period and it's something that I continue to do to this day. Just having that one hour of time a day for myself."
 
From Silence to Strength

More than a decade after The Price of Silence, Liza Long’s message remains urgent: mental illness is not a parenting failure - it is a human experience that deserves attention, care, and compassion. Some cases can be hard to diagnose, but Liza’s family story is a true inspiration, showing how a mother’s love, perseverance, and her kid’s determination to get help can transform even seemingly impossible situations into a powerful story of strength and empowerment.

“I repeated a lot of relationship failures being a closed-hearted guy,” Jayson Gaddis told me when we sat down for our conversation. “And then I realized — maybe I’m the problem. I am a common denominator here in all these relationships. It was very freeing because I could do something about that."

That moment of radical self-awareness became the turning point in Jayson’s life. Raised as a sensitive boy with a stern father and surrounded by a culture that didn’t welcome emotions, he learned early on to shut down. “I became a shell of myself,” he admitted. “And that made it really hard to connect.”
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But instead of staying stuck in the blame loop, Jayson did something useful - he decided to study himself. He went to graduate school for psychology, became a therapist, met his wife, and began what he calls a real adult relationship. They treated their marriage as a spiritual path — a mirror that reflected their patterns, wounds, and potential for growth. From that foundation, their family naturally followed.

Creating The Relationship School

As a couples therapist, Jayson started noticing something familiar in every session: people were struggling with the same fundamental relationship challenges: communication, conflict, and emotional safety. “There’s no class in school that teaches us how to do relationships,” he said. “So, I decided to start one.”

That’s how The Relationship School was born — a community where people learn the skills no one ever taught them: how to repair after conflict, communicate with respect, and grow together instead of apart. Today, Jayson trains coaches around the world to help couples do exactly that.

A Wild Youth and the Search for Self

Before he became a teacher of emotional maturity, Jayson’s life was anything but calm. In college, he threw himself into extreme sports, drugs, and alcohol — what he now recognizes as an attempt to numb pain and seek external validation.
“I was hurting my body to get attention,” he said. “Jumping off cliffs, mountain biking, rock climbing — and doing it all with drugs and alcohol. It was a dangerous mix.”

He hitchhiked across Alaska and Central America, chasing freedom but feeling lost. “There was always this tiny voice inside saying, you’re not being yourself. That voice eventually led me here.”

Marriage as a Path to Authenticity

When Jayson talks about marriage, his honesty is refreshing. “If you don’t like growth and discomfort,” he says, “don’t get married.” Marriage, to him, isn’t a fairytale. It is a commitment to growth, a spiritual journey where both partners agree to face their own shadow. 

“What I love about long-term relationships,” he explains, “is that they push us to be more authentic. It’s very hard to hide in marriage.” He also emphasizes the importance of balance. “A healthy relationship includes both closeness and space,” he said. “You can have freedom inside commitment if you and your partner agree on what that looks like.”
 
Turning Conflict Into Connection

One of Jayson’s key teachings is that conflict isn’t the problem — disconnection is. “Good relationships have conflict,” he said. “It’s normal and healthy. The goal isn’t to avoid conflict but to repair it.”

He shared a simple but powerful framework for repair:

1. Take responsibility — “I raised my voice,” or “I shut down.”
2. Validate your partner’s feelings — “It makes sense that hurt you.”
3. Empathize — show care instead of defensiveness.
4. Listen before explaining yourself.

​“When you know how to repair, no conflict is a problem,” he says. “You can always find your way back to connection.”

What if your relationships could become your greatest teacher? In this episode (Season 1, episode 25), Jayson Gaddis, founder of The Relationship School and author of Getting to Zero, shares how facing his own emotional shutdown transformed his marriage, his career, and his understanding of love.

You’ll learn:

- Why radical self-awareness is the starting point for healthy relationships.
- How to turn conflict into connection instead of disconnection. 
- What it really means to treat marriage as a spiritual path. 
- Why repair — not perfection — is the key to lasting love. 
- How financial stress, parenting, and even health challenges can become opportunities for growth.

Jayson’s raw, inspiring, and deeply human story is a reminder that love isn’t about avoiding discomfort, but about growing through it together.

 Facing Financial Struggles Together

Like many couples, Jayson and his wife have weathered financial storms. Early in their marriage, a business failure left him feeling lost and defeated. “I was in an existential crisis,” he shared. “But my wife looked at me one day and said, ‘I need you to get over yourself and show up for me.’ That was a wake-up call.”

He believes how couples handle money reveals their ability to communicate and trust. “Money, like sex or parenting, is another opportunity to grow as a team,” he said. “The key is transparency. Shame hides in the dark; communication brings it to light.”
 
A Health Scare That Changed Everything

In early 2024, Jayson received a diagnosis that would shake anyone — early-stage prostate cancer. “It was caught very early, thanks to an MRI I pushed for,” he said. “I’m healthy now and deeply grateful.”

He believes chronic stress played a major role. “I was overworking, trying to grow the business too fast, and disconnected from myself,” he reflected. “It taught me to slow down and take care of what really matters.” Jayson’s openness about his health journey is both grounding and inspiring. “My kids were scared when we told them, but we were honest,” he said. “And my wife has been incredible through it all.”
 
Handling Life’s “Zombie Attacks”

When I asked Jayson how he stays grounded amid the constant waves of challenges, comparing life to a violent game with attacking villains and zombies, he smiled and said, "Life is full of zombie attacks." He wasn’t joking. “Every time you think you’ve made it through one challenge, another appears. It’s like a video game — as soon as you master one level, you move to a harder one.”

What helps him face it all? A spiritual framework and strong relationships. “My Buddhist teacher taught me that life is trustworthy and sacred,” he shared. “Everything that happens is on the way, not in the way.”

And his advice for parents? Raise resilient kids. “Let them do hard things,” he says. “Don’t protect them from every struggle. That’s how they build capacity for life.”
 
Final Thoughts: The Beauty of Growth
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Jayson Gaddis’s story is one of courage: not just the courage to love others, but to truly see himself. From reckless youth to conscious fatherhood, from failure to healing, his journey reminds us that relationships are not meant to make us comfortable. They are meant to make us real.

“Challenges never stop,” he said. “So I want to get better at meeting them — and help others do the same.”

​Teenage anxiety is on the rise, and parents everywhere are searching for effective ways to support their children through these challenging years. In a recent interview, Sophia Vale Galano, a clinical social worker, therapist, and author of Calming Teenage Anxiety: A Parent’s Guide to Helping Your Teenager Cope with Worry, shared her expertise and practical advice for families navigating this journey.

How to Tell Normal Stress from Anxiety That Needs Attention

It’s common for parents to miss the signs or to confuse “typical teen” behavior with something more serious. Sophia suggests watching how often the struggle appears and how much it interferes with daily life.

• Normal stress example: A teen feels nervous before a test but still takes it and gets on with their day.
• Red-flag example: A teen throws up, has a panic attack, refuses school, or their test anxiety spills into other classes and friendships.

Rule of thumb: If the pattern shows up weekly or daily, or if it impairs school, sleep, or social life, it’s time to take a closer look.

Start the Conversation Early, Even If Your Teen Isn’t Struggling Yet

Sophia is a big advocate of prevention. Don’t wait for a crisis to normalize talk about anxiety. Aim for curiosity, not fixing. Skip well-meaning solutions like “Try meditating” or “Take a walk.” Instead, invite the teen’s experience:

• “What is it like for you when this happens?”
• “Would you walk me through what it feels like?”
• “Tell me more: what makes it easier or harder?”

​Open-ended questions make teens feel heard; one good conversation can lower the temperature more than a dozen solutions.

If Your Teen Says, “I Don’t Want to Talk About It”

Expect this response often. Don’t force it. Instead, change timing or context:

• Try side-by-side settings (car rides, walking the dog, cooking together) rather than face-to-face “interrogations.”
• Use third-party prompts - a show, movie scene, or a public figure’s post about mental health to open an organic window.

If they still decline, revisit later. The door can close for now and still be reopened.
 
Rebuilding Trust When Control Got in the Way

For parents who default to control, Sophia recommends two parallel tracks:

1. Radical patience. You can’t build trust on demand; it grows from consistent, nonjudgmental presence.
2. Modeling over messaging. Ask: What am I showing my teen about how I handle stress? If you’re running on fumes, they feel it.

This isn’t performative. It’s real self-regulation: therapy or coaching for yourself, a morning off when needed, breathing room in the calendar - visible acts that show teens what healthy looks like. “Teens aren’t expert communicators,” Sophia notes. “They may never say ‘Thanks for changing.’ But they notice.”
 
The Energy You Bring Matters (Even If You’re a Skeptic)

Whether you believe in “energy” or not, teens (especially anxious ones) are highly sensitive to the tone at home. Think of the difference between walking into a spa vs. a crowded subway. Your nervous system sets a baseline.

Good news: This is within your control. Even small daily practices (five minutes of journaling, a short walk, a hard stop at bedtime) shift the climate  -- no teen buy-in required.
 
When to Seek Therapy or Other Support

Sophia’s short answer: Anytime is a good time. But especially when anxiety impairs function (school avoidance, sleep disruption, social withdrawal) or when conflict cycles are entrenched. If standard talk therapy doesn’t click, widen the lens:

• Movement-based sessions (walk-and-talk)
• Creative therapies
• Coaching or mentorship
• Spiritual counseling or alternative modalities

This isn’t about lowering standards; it’s about finding the best-fit support a teen will actually use. You can always reassess together.
 
Social Media: Don’t Ban - Teach to Modify

Outright prohibition often backfires. Instead, coach media hygiene:​

• Use platform tools: Mute, restrict, or block accounts that trigger shame or spirals.
• Rebalance the feed: Add uplifting pages aligned with real interests (hobbies, creators, supportive mental health content).
• Reality check the “highlight reel”: One polished photo may be 1 out of 200, filtered and airbrushed. Remind gently, not with scolding.
• Name the “comparison trap.” Ask, “How do you feel after following this account?”

​Parents: practice what you preach. Your own scroll habits are part of the lesson.

Parenting a teenager can feel like walking on eggshells, especially when anxiety enters the picture. In this episode (Season 1, episode 24) Sophia shared practical, compassionate strategies to help parents recognize anxiety, open up meaningful conversations, and model calm and emotional regulation without controlling or enabling their teens.

If you’ve ever wondered how to truly connect with your anxious teen — this conversation will give you hope, insight, and practical tools to start today.

Helping vs. Enabling: Find the Line

Love can tip into rescuing. Sophia’s litmus test uses a memorable image: “We want our teens to be okay scraping their knees, but we don’t want them to break their knees.”

• Step in when safety is at risk or the task is truly beyond their capacity.
• Step back when discomfort is tolerable and growth-producing (e.g., sending the email themselves, talking with a teacher, attempting the test).

Ask yourself: Will my intervention build skills and confidence—or quietly tell them they can’t handle life?
 
For Stretched-Thin Parents: Small Moves Count

Caring for aging parents, younger kids, college savings, work—this season is heavy. Don’t wait for a free day to take care of yourself.

• Five minutes of breathing or stretching
• One hour every few days for a walk or therapy session
• One boundary on work email at night

Micro-habits still change the household nervous system. You’ll show your teen that adults can be busy and well.
   
In a summary, below are a few takeaways for parents: 
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• Observe interference and frequency to tell typical stress from clinical concern.
• Lead with curiosity, not fixes. Open-ended questions build safety.
• Model calm. Your regulation is the strongest intervention at home.
• Customize support. Therapy is great; so are movement, creativity, and coaching—if they fit your teen.
• Teach social media skills instead of banning it.
• Avoid rescuing. Let teens handle safe discomfort to build resilience.
• Small parental self-care shifts the family climate.

When we hear the phrase long-distance relationship, we often think of romantic partners separated by geography. But what about long-distance parenting—navigating fatherhood or motherhood from miles away?

In this episode of Trust Me Mom, I sat down with Jason Cercone, a podcaster, strategist, and devoted father, who shared his story of co-parenting his teenage daughter after separating from his former wife. Jason’s journey offers powerful insights into maintaining closeness, communication, and emotional connection even when physical distance makes parenting more complex.

A Mature Approach to Co-Parenting

When Jason and his former wife separated, they both made a crucial decision early on: their daughter would never be treated like a pawn in their adult struggles.

“We didn’t want our daughter to feel it was her fault,” Jason recalls. “We’d seen how that plays out and didn’t want to be those parents.”

That mindset laid the foundation for a healthy co-parenting dynamic based on mutual respect and open communication. Even when life took an unexpected turn and his ex-wife relocated to Virginia, Jason approached the change with a combination of realism and grace.

“I knew this day would come,” he says. “So I started mentally preparing myself for it. Adaptation has been a big lesson in my life - something I learned from my dad.” His ability to plan emotionally ahead of the move made the transition smoother, both for him and his daughter.
 
Keeping the Connection Alive
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Jason admits that maintaining a close bond with a teenage daughter from six hours away takes effort and intention.
The key, he says, is constant communication and embracing the tools technology provides.

“Texting is a big part of how we stay connected. I’ll send her quick messages to tell her I love her or how awesome she is. Just little things to brighten her day.” They also schedule weekly FaceTime calls, and when they do talk, their conversations go deep. Jason credits his podcasting background for helping him ask better questions.
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“When she was younger, I never settled for one-word answers like ‘fine.’ I’d ask, ‘What was fine about it?’ or ‘Tell me one good thing that happened.’ Over time, that made her more comfortable opening up.” Now, even though they live far apart, their emotional bond remains strong.

​Trust, Safety, and Letting Go

Parenting from a distance brings a different kind of challenge, especially as kids grow more independent. Jason says that the traditional “protective father” instinct doesn’t vanish, but it has to evolve.

“You can’t helicopter parent from six hours away. What you can do is keep communication open. Sometimes she just needs advice, not control.”

He also emphasizes the importance of trusting his co-parent’s partner, his ex-wife’s fiancé, who has become a positive figure in their daughter’s life. “He is a good guy, and he’s played roles I couldn’t when I wasn’t there. It takes maturity to accept that, but it’s what’s best for her.”

Jason’s advice to other parents? Communication between all adults is key. Jealousy, control, or competition can quickly erode trust and stability for the child.

“If you’re all tugging in different directions, who feels it the most? The child. And they didn’t ask for any of that.”

​Teaching Resilience and Self-Confidence

Jason also shared how he helps his daughter navigate challenges like bullying and peer pressure. His parenting style focuses on realism, strength, and empathy. “I don’t sugarcoat life. The world isn’t always kind, but how you respond makes all the difference.”

When his daughter faced bullying at school, Jason guided her through it with calm wisdom. “I told her, the high road is free of potholes. If you live there, it’s a smoother ride.” She followed his advice choosing to ignore the drama rather than fight back, and the situation eventually deescalated.

Jason’s approach teaches her that strength doesn’t come from reacting but from staying grounded in her values.
 
Lessons from an Italian Dad

Much of Jason’s parenting philosophy comes from his Italian upbringing. Work ethic, respect, and resilience were constants in his home growing up.

“We weren’t in a strict household, but we were expected to carry our weight. My parents taught me that the most rewarding results come from hard work.”

It’s a value he’s now passing down to his daughter - one that connects generations of his family, from his grandfather’s immigrant grit to his own modern-day parenting.
 
The Power of Adaptation and Communication

As Jason puts it, parenting across distance isn’t about perfection — it is about persistence. Life changes, families evolve, and children grow up, but love can travel any distance when communication stays strong. Jason said, “There will be times you don’t get what you want, but it balances out. As long as everyone stays connected and communicates, it works.”
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His story is a reminder that family isn’t defined by proximity but by presence — the emotional kind that shows up through effort, honesty, and love, no matter how far apart you are.

When I first picked up The Explosive Child, I felt as if someone had finally handed me a manual for parenting my own child. Dr. Ross Greene’s work has reshaped how countless families understand behavior — not as defiance or willfulness, but as a signal of unmet needs and lagging skills. In our conversation, Dr. Greene shared why discipline charts, punishments, and timeouts fall short — and what really works when parenting children who struggle.

The Core Idea: Kids Do Well If They Can

At the heart of Dr. Greene’s model is a deceptively simple principle: kids do well if they can. If a child isn’t meeting expectations, it’s not because they don’t want to, but because something is getting in their way. As Dr. Greene explains:
“Concerning behavior is just a frustration response. If all we do is try to modify the behavior, we never do anything about what’s causing the frustration.”

Research supports this view, pointing to lagging skills such as flexibility, adaptability, frustration tolerance, problem solving, and emotion regulation as the real differentiators between kids who struggle and those who don’t. When children lack these skills, no amount of stickers or punishments will make them succeed.
 
Moving Beyond Rewards and Punishments

Too often, parents are advised to double down on discipline: more timeouts, stricter rules, tighter control. Dr. Greene warns that this approach is misguided:

“Rewards and punishments aren’t problem-solving strategies. All we’re doing is trying to modify the frustration response— not addressing the problem that caused it.”
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Instead of chasing after misbehavior, he urges parents to identify “unsolved problems” — the unmet expectations that repeatedly frustrate the child. Once we see those clearly, we can stop reacting in the moment and begin working proactively.

The Three Plans: A, B, and C

Dr. Greene offers parents three distinct approaches for handling unmet expectations:

• Plan A: Unilateral problem solving. The adult decides what’s wrong and how to fix it. This traditional model is the least effective, often missing the mark entirely.
• Plan B: Collaborative problem solving. Parent and child work together. The adult learns directly from the child what’s making an expectation hard to meet, and they collaborate on solutions that address both sets of concerns.
• Plan C: Setting aside expectations. Some expectations must be put on hold — at least temporarily. Parents may prioritize bigger issues or recognize that a particular demand is currently out of reach for their child.

Plan B is the heart of Dr. Greene’s approach, and it flips the script: children are not passive recipients of adult control but active problem-solving partners.
 
Meeting Kids Where They Are 

For many parents, the hardest shift is letting go of comparisons. A child with autism, ADHD, or other neurodivergent traits may struggle with tasks that seem effortless for their peers. Dr. Greene calls this developmental variability — the natural differences in how children progress across skills and milestones.
​
“The definition of good parenting is meeting your kid where they’re at. Comparing your child to someone else’s isn’t helpful. Frustration responses are valuable signals — they tell us when we’re not meeting the child where they are.”
Instead of seeing defiance as defiance, parents can learn to see it as communication. Every meltdown, refusal, or “no” is a message: I can’t meet this expectation right now. 

Catch the latest episode of the Trust Me Mom podcast (Season 1, Episode 22), where Dr. Ross W. Greene discusses the importance of understanding child behavior through the lens of frustration responses rather than traditional rewards and punishments. He emphasizes the need for parents to meet their children where they are developmentally and to engage in collaborative problem-solving strategies. It is packed with practical ideas and strategies on how to solve problems with kids collaboratively.

Scripts That Help

Dr. Greene emphasizes that language matters. Parents can open doors to understanding with a few key phrases:

• Empathy step: “I’ve noticed you’re having difficulty with [X]. What’s up?”
• Define adult concern: “The thing is, my concern is…”
• Invitation to collaborate: “I wonder if there’s a way we can address your concern and mine?”
  
  

He stresses two words above all: ask and listen. Asking communicates respect; listening communicates empathy. Together, they form the foundation of collaboration.
 
A Message for Families and Schools

Dr. Greene’s upcoming book, The Kids Who Aren’t Okay, will tackle the growing challenges schools face as more children struggle with anxiety, depression, absenteeism, and behavioral concerns. His nonprofit, Lives in the Balance, also advocates for systemic change, so kids everywhere are treated with compassion and understanding rather than harsh discipline.

As he put it during our conversation:

“Power causes conflict. Collaboration brings people together. I have much more faith in solutions that are arrived at collaboratively than in those imposed through power.”
 
Final Thoughts

Parenting isn’t about enforcing compliance — it’s about solving problems together. When we stop asking “How do I make my child behave?” and start asking “What’s getting in their way?”, everything shifts.
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Dr. Greene’s work reminds us: children want to succeed. They want to do well. And with empathy, collaboration, and patience, we can give them the tools to thrive.