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When Sasha Romary first came to France as a teenager, she was simply experiencing life abroad. 20 years later, she is raising two bilingual boys and coaching parents. On a recent episode of Trust Me Mom (Season 2, episode 40), Sasha shared her fascinating journey from the United States to Paris, the cultural differences she’s observed in parenting and education, and the lessons she’s learned as both a mother and parenting coach. What emerged from the conversation was not simply a comparison between American and French parenting styles, but a deeper discussion about independence, structure, neurodivergence, and the pressure modern parents face everywhere. Growing Up Across Three Languages Sasha’s family life today is deeply multicultural. She and her French husband met at an international school in Paris, built their relationship in English, and later lived in Singapore and Germany before returning to France. Their household now runs bilingually: Sasha speaks English to the children, while her husband speaks French. For a time, while living in Germany, their children were actually navigating three languages simultaneously. One of the biggest misconceptions Sasha often hears, especially from American parents, is that bilingual children experience language delays. But she shared a perspective from her German pediatrician that completely reframed the issue. If a child knows the word “shoe” in English, French, and German, that is not one word in their vocabulary. It is three separate words. While bilingual children may appear to use fewer words in one language, their total language processing is often far more advanced. Sasha says the real challenge isn’t capability. It’s consistency. Because French dominates social life and school, she must intentionally protect English at home. “I can’t be lazy about it,” she explained. “If I’m speaking English to them, they need to respond in English too.” The French School System: Independence First Perhaps the most striking cultural difference Sasha described is how early French schools expect children to become independent. In France, school officially begins at age three. Children are expected to attend full days almost immediately, arrive potty trained, manage long school hours, and begin functioning independently from parents. For many American parents, that level of separation feels abrupt. French schools operate with a philosophy that school belongs to the child, not the parent. Parents typically drop children at the gate and have very limited interaction with teachers outside a few annual conferences. Sasha describes the system as both impressive and difficult. On one hand, children develop confidence and autonomy remarkably early. By age 10, many students are expected to organize their own study schedules and manage homework independently. On the other hand, the rigidity of the system can create challenges for children who learn differently. “The expectation is that the child adapts to the system,” Sasha said, “not the other way around.”  When Neurodivergent Kids Don’t Fit the Mold Sasha’s older son has been diagnosed with ADHD. She explained that while French schools do recognize learning differences, support often requires formal medical documentation before accommodations are provided. Until that diagnosis exists, many parents simply receive feedback that their child has “concentration problems” and needs to improve behavior. For Sasha, the experience highlighted a major contrast with the American educational system, where accommodations are more legally protected and intervention often begins earlier. She ultimately chose private school for her son because the traditional public-school structure was not working for him. Her story reflects a broader parenting truth: systems that work beautifully for some children can be deeply stressful for others. French Parenting and Food Culture One aspect of French parenting Sasha genuinely admires is the culture surrounding food. French school lunches are full multi-course meals with vegetables, proteins, cheese, salads, and dessert, not separate “kid food.” Children are expected to eat what is served, and parents generally do not prepare multiple meals to accommodate picky eating. Sasha embraces this philosophy at home as well. “It is my job as the parent to decide when we eat and what we eat,” she explained. “But it is your child’s job to decide how much of that they are going to eat.” This approach encourages children to develop a healthier, less emotionally charged relationship with food, something many overwhelmed parents may find refreshing.  What is it really like raising children in France? In this episode of Trust Me Mom (season 2, Episode 40) available on Apple Podcasts and Spotify, I sit down with parenting coach Sasha Romary, an American mom who has lived in France for more than 20 years and is raising two multi-lingual children in Paris. We discuss the biggest differences between French and American parenting, the French education system, bilingual kids, ADHD accommodations, school lunches, independence, potty training struggles, and why French culture expects children to adapt to the system early. Sasha also shares practical parenting advice from her work as a sleep and potty training consultant, including common mistakes parents make during potty training and why so many toddlers struggle with pooping on the potty. If you are curious about parenting in Europe, raising bilingual children, or navigating modern motherhood, this episode is packed with honest insights and practical takeaways. The Hidden Pressure on Parents
Despite the independence French culture promotes in children, Sasha says the pressure placed on parents can feel intense. Teachers frequently comment on sleep habits, eating habits, and behavior. Parents may be told their child appeared tired in class or didn’t eat enough protein at breakfast. For Sasha, it sometimes feels as though every challenge at school somehow becomes the parent’s responsibility to fix, even when the parent isn’t physically present during the day. The feedback can feel blunt by American standards, but it also reflects how deeply French culture values routine, structure, and self-regulation. Why Potty Training Becomes a Power Struggle As a potty-training consultant, Sasha also shared one of the biggest mistakes parents make during toilet training: constantly asking children whether they need to go. According to Sasha, potty training is both physiological and behavioral. Children must learn to recognize the body’s signals independently. When parents repeatedly ask, “Do you need to go potty?” toddlers often automatically say no simply to maintain control. More importantly, Sasha says accidents are not failures. They are learning experiences. Children begin connecting physical sensations with the need to use the bathroom only after experiencing those moments firsthand. She also addressed one of the most common but rarely discussed potty-training struggles: fear of pooping on the toilet. Many toddlers become anxious because the experience feels physically unfamiliar and emotionally vulnerable. Sitting exposed on a potty, rather than standing in a diaper, can feel overwhelming. Rather than treating it as defiance, Sasha encourages parents to approach the issue like any other fear, with patience, exposure, reassurance, and support. What Parents Everywhere Can Learn Throughout the conversation, one thing became clear: there is no perfect parenting system. French parenting offers beautiful lessons in independence, resilience, structure, and food culture. American parenting often provides more flexibility, emotional support, and accommodation for individual learning differences. But regardless of country, parents are still navigating the same universal questions:
For Sasha, the answer lies somewhere in the middle, combining structure with empathy and expectations with understanding. And perhaps that balance is exactly what modern parenting needs most. You can find Sasha Romary on Instagram at @SashaRomaryParenting and learn more about her coaching services at SashaRomary.com.
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