She Wrote “I Am Adam Lanza’s Mother.” Today, She Is a Voice of Hope for Families.

A Voice That Shook the Internet

In 2012, as the nation reeled from the tragic Newtown shootings, one Idaho mother sat down and wrote what millions of parents were too afraid to say out loud.

That mother was Liza Long.

Her viral essay, “I Am Adam Lanza’s Mother” (originally titled “Thinking the Unthinkable”) told the painful truth of raising a child with violent behavior and undiagnosed mental illness. The story spread across global media, and catapulted Liza into the spotlight as an “accidental advocate.”

“My story starts on the tragic day of the Newtown shootings in Connecticut in 2012. And that day, my second child had just been taken mental hospital undiagnosed with symptoms, but we weren't sure what was wrong, just very complicated symptoms... She was 13 at the time. I wrote about her as my son, but she's actually my daughter. Like so many parents, I just felt completely frustrated,” shared Lisa.  “When I heard about the Newtown shootings, I'd just gotten off the phone with her. Her caseworker said, ‘We need to charge her with a crime again so that she can get the level of services that she needs.’ And people didn't want to believe me that this is how it works, but this is how it works then and still, unfortunately now… In order to get my child mental health care, I was going to have to have her charged with a crime. And she's just the sweetest, stuffed-animal-loving, Harry-Potter-loving kid.” Needless to say, it was a hard time for Liza and her children.

When Love Means Making the Hardest Choice

Liza’s journey began long before that essay. Her middle child, Cassie (whom she originally wrote about as her son), began showing severe behavioral symptoms around the age of ten. “We didn’t know what was wrong,” she recalls. “Just complicated symptoms, and a system that couldn’t help us.”

For a while, safety meant separation. “As part of my safety plan, I had reduced custody of my younger two children,” she explains. “It was devastating. Even the judge said, ‘It doesn’t seem fair that mom’s being punished for taking the sick child.’ But that was the only way my kids were safe.”

A Diagnosis and a Turning Point

After years of searching for answers, everything changed when psychiatrist Dr. Demitri Papolos, author of The Bipolar Child, reached out to Liza. He suspected juvenile bipolar disorder, and he was right.

Cassie began treatment with lithium, and within six months, the violent outbursts stopped. “We just kept watching - no violent episodes. She said, ‘I think I can go back to mainstream school.’ Four years later, she graduated as senior class president.”

Today, Cassie is a thriving young adult with a scholarship, advocacy work of her own, and even a TED Talk that outperforms her mom’s. “She reminds me,” Liza laughs, “‘Mom, I’m still beating you!’ And I say, ‘You deserve it - you have a powerful message.’”

The Invisible Toll on Families

Raising a child with mental illness takes more than courage; it takes endurance. Liza points out that the stress level of parenting a child with autism or severe mental illness can be similar to living in a war zone. Many marriages do not survive the strain.

“Someone once asked why I always talk about moms,” she recalls. “There are some great dads out there, but I just kind of snarkily replied, well, in my experience, it's the moms who stick around. And that was my experience. I was the mom I stuck around. I have four children and I had to make some really impossible choices regarding my children back to the violent behavior in the home."

Still, she resists blame. “It’s not your fault. You are doing your best." Parents of easy kids take too much credit; parents of hard kids take too much blame. She also highlights the importance of respite care, a support system often overlooked. “It’s life-changing,” she says. “Even a few hours for yourself can keep you going.”

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When your child’s behavior scares you, the shame and isolation can feel unbearable. In this podcast episode (Season 1, Episode 26), Liza Long shares how she went from crisis and fear to diagnosis, treatment, advocacy - and a daughter who is now thriving. 

Parents, you are not alone! Check out NAMI – National Alliance on Mental Illness (support groups & education) and local respite care programs (usually via state health & welfare departments).

​If you’re struggling right now, please reach out to a trusted professional, local crisis line, or parent support group.

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Finding Faith, Identity, and Community

Liza’s story didn’t end with her daughter’s diagnosis. Years later, Cassie came out as transgender, a transition that brought new conversations, and new acceptance.

“Once her mental health stabilized, she could really explore who she was,” Liza says. “She’s happier now, more grounded. My mom, who’s very religious, immediately accepted her. She said, ‘Well, darn, I just ordered T-shirts for the grandkids. Wish I’d known to get her a girl’s one!’”

Liza herself, who once stopped attending her Mormon church, has since returned to a congregation that embraces her family. "My congregation has been very accepting and welcoming of my children, which I am really grateful for. I will never choose a church over my kids," she sad. "If I were to feel that the church were moving back toward where it was when I wrote the book, which we could just describe as an anti-LGBTQ stance, I think it would be time for me to hit the pause button on my participation in that congregation. My kids have always come first for me, and that will continue to be case no matter what."

The Power of Support and Hope

Throughout her journey, community was Liza’s lifeline: from supportive teachers to local organizations like NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) and Idaho’s Raven Scholars Program for college students with autism.

“If schools, law enforcement, and mental health providers all worked together, we could change lives,” she insists. “I’ve seen it happen in places like San Antonio, where wraparound services truly support families.”

Her advice to parents in the thick of it? “Hang in there. It gets better. It was really hard, but my kids were worth it and they're just healthy, happy, well-functioning adults. They're all really good friends. They get together and play video games once a week online and it's really fun to see that relationship. But also, it's been a true blessing for me.”

Carving Out Space for Yourself

Amid the chaos, Liza discovered a small but powerful habit that saved her sanity - yoga. Find one thing that is yours. “It can be whatever, an hour to read your favorite novel or fencing or whatever - just something. But for me, I discovered yoga during this period and it's something that I continue to do to this day. Just having that one hour of time a day for myself."
 
From Silence to Strength

More than a decade after The Price of Silence, Liza Long’s message remains urgent: mental illness is not a parenting failure - it is a human experience that deserves attention, care, and compassion. Some cases can be hard to diagnose, but Liza’s family story is a true inspiration, showing how a mother’s love, perseverance, and her kid’s determination to get help can transform even seemingly impossible situations into a powerful story of strength and empowerment.