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Parenting is one of the most important, yet least taught, skills in life. Most people typically don’t attend classes on how to raise children or how to build healthy relationships, yet these two areas shape our lives more than anything else. In my recent conversation with Kenny Weiss, an emotional authenticity coach and founder of The Greatness University, we explored how childhood trauma affects parenting, what it means to truly heal for our kids, and why pain can be the gateway to authenticity. A Childhood That Shaped a Calling Kenny’s story begins in a chaotic home. His parents married young (at 16 and 18) and by their early twenties, they already had four children. Both carried their own childhood wounds:
Kenny recalled a defining childhood moment: “I was just 10 years old, woke up in the middle of the night, to use the restroom and there she was, passed out naked on the toilet. And that’s the day… I just remember screaming, I’m dying, I’m dying. And I felt whoever I was up to that point left me.” From there, Kenny began a long struggle with trauma, addictions, two divorces, a horrific custody battle, bankruptcy, and even thoughts of suicide. Yet through his pain, he developed a fascination with psychology and healing. Eventually, with the help of a counselor named Mike, Kenny realized: “I don’t know how to be a man. My childhood taught me… the only way to survive in our household was to have no morals and values, no needs and wants, no voice - to be completely neglected, abandoned and invisible.” That realization became the turning point that set him on the path to emotional authenticity. Why “I’d Die for My Kids” Is a Red Flag Many parents say, “I’d die for my children.” Kenny challenges that idea: “A parent who says I’ll die for my kids, that’s a red flag. That’s usually a sign of codependence and enmeshment. Their value and worth is wrapped up in their child. A child feels that burden - that I have to keep you alive, so I feel safe within myself as the parent. That’s a massive burden for any child to carry.” Instead, Kenny suggests the truest act of love isn’t sacrifice, but healing: “The single greatest thing you can do as a parent for your child is to do the work on your own childhood trauma.”  The Cottage Cheese and the Dog: Small Moments, Big Impact Not all trauma is dramatic. Sometimes, it’s the small moments that shape a child’s sense of worth. Kenny shared one story: “I was just reaching in the refrigerator to grab a cottage cheese. I was hungry and my mom ran over screaming no, no, no, no, that’s for the dog! What I heard was: If I eat, I get in trouble. If I eat, mom doesn’t love me. In this house, we feed the dogs before we feed the kids. So, I spent most of my life starving myself. I thought that was just my personality - I hated eating. But really, it was an adaptation to get love.” Kenny explained how his mom’s intent was innocent - she needed the cottage cheese for the dog’s medicine, but without explanation, a child interprets the moment differently. The healthier response? Kenny imagines his mom could have said: “Sweetie, hold on a second. I know you’re hungry and I love that you want to eat something, but I’m using the cottage cheese to hide the dog’s pills. Let’s find you something else.” This difference, acknowledging the child’s need while providing context, is what it means to be emotionally attuned. Pain as a Pathway Kenny believes pain is not just inevitable but purposeful: “Every single choice we make - relationships, careers, hobbies, is driving us towards the pain that’s keeping us from rediscovering our authenticity. The goal of that pain is an opportunity to confront ourselves, see the truth, and heal.” Instead of avoiding negative emotions, Kenny encourages parents to embrace them: “When so-called bad things happen, I love it. Because I know this is the gift. This is where the solution lies.” He calls this transformation “joy pain” - the ability to feel joy even in hardship because it signals growth.  Catch the latest episode of the Trust Me Mom podcast (Season 1, Episode 21), where Kenny shares his story of a traumatic childhood, failed marriages, bankruptcy, addictions, thoughts of taking his own life, and a profound (potentially spiritual) experience that led to recovery and wisdom. He talks about how emotions influence our behavior and how childhood trauma makes us relive the Worst Day Cycle. He reminds us that instead of self-sacrificing and claiming they would die for their kids, parents should let go of unresolved trauma and destructive patterns so they don’t pass them on to their children. Emotions and Illness
Kenny also connects unhealed emotions to physical health: “Even the CDC says 85 to 95% of all illness and disease is stress related. Well, what’s stress? It’s fear. What’s driving the majority of illness and disease is an emotional problem.” He shared his own back pain story, realizing it symbolized the emotional weight he carried for his family. He also linked conditions like allergies and chronic cough to withheld truth: “If you’re coughing, where are you not speaking your truth? Where are you withholding what you really want to say?” Breaking the “Worst Day Cycle” Kenny has coined the concept of the Worst Day Cycle:
The way out is what he calls the Authentic Self Cycle: truth, responsibility, healing, and forgiveness. “We’re all a train wreck. Who cares about our stories? Let’s just embrace it, start talking about it, and start dealing with it. If you want to end pain, that’s how you do it.” Resources for Parents Kenny offers resources for people at every stage:
As Kenny said: “There’s only so much you can learn from videos, books, and classes. We all need an outside reference. That’s my job - to teach you how to be me for yourself.” Final Thoughts Kenny’s journey is proof that pain can be a guide, not an enemy. For parents, the lesson is clear: your greatest gift to your children isn’t sacrifice, it is healing. “If you want to die for your child, the way to do that is die to yourself and go heal yourself.” By doing the hard work of emotional authenticity, we not only break free from our own worst day cycles but also give our children the freedom to live authentically themselves.
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