We Say We'd Die for Our Kids—Here's Why Healing for Them Matters Even More

​Parenting often feels like it should come naturally. Yet, for many of us, the journey reveals just how much learning, healing, and growth it truly demands. In a recent conversation on the Trust Me Mom show, I had the pleasure of speaking with Hunter Clarke-Fields, an author, speaker, podcaster, and creator of the Mindful Parenting course and teacher training program.

Hunter’s journey from overwhelmed mom to mindful parenting advocate is deeply inspiring—and packed with lessons for all of us striving to do better.

From Struggle to Strength: Hunter’s Parenting Journey
 
Hunter didn’t become a parenting expert and advocate because it came easily to her. Quite the opposite. She openly shared that she struggled with anger and reactivity, especially when parenting her oldest, highly sensitive daughter.
“I was a highly sensitive kid. I had some issues with the way I was responding to her, and I was yelling at her and I was scaring her. And it was awful because that's exactly how I didn't want to parent.”

Despite having practiced mindfulness before becoming a parent, Hunter found herself yelling—something she had vowed never to repeat from her own upbringing. “That's how my father was with me. He had a really terrible temper, and I had specifically chosen to not yell, and yet I was yelling. So, it was really frustrating for me.”
 
Desperate for change, she dove into learning, becoming certified in Parent Effectiveness Training and embracing tools from mindfulness practices. One critical realization shaped her path: No parenting skill is effective if we can’t first manage our own stress responses. “I got certified as a Parent Effectiveness Training teacher. I did so much stuff. And I realized that all this learning I was doing about how to respond to your kids was useless if you couldn't take care of your stress response. If you were getting activated, if you were getting reactive, if you were starting to lose it, then everything you learned would go out the window. And I saw that pretty clearly with myself.

And so I saw that the tools from the world of mindfulness really had to come in here, because before then, we had just been assuming that parents could just perfectly do anything we chose to do and that we were like a blank slate. And the truth is, we have a lot of healing to do.”

Mindfulness became her bridge to better parenting—helping her recognize, pause, and respond rather than react.

Parenting Is a New Language

Hunter likens parenting skills like reflective listening to learning a new language. It can feel awkward at first, but practicing skills like validating children’s emotions, listening without dismissing, and managing our own emotional triggers pays off tremendously over time. As she shared, "Whenever you can put that work in, it pays dividends down the line like crazy."
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Building Emotional Regulation: Long-Term and In-the-Moment Strategies
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Hunter emphasized two approaches to help parents stay calm during challenging moments:

1. Long-Term Practice

Building emotional resilience isn’t just about surviving crisis moments—it’s about daily mindfulness habits.
Some ideas include:

• Taking mindful walks, focusing on your footsteps.
• Practicing short, daily meditations (even three minutes counts).
• Reducing device distractions to stay present.

Research even shows that mindfulness physically changes the brain—shrinking the amygdala (our stress center) and strengthening the prefrontal cortex (our rational, problem-solving center).

2. Short-Term Techniques: The Three Rs

• Recognize: Name your emotions out loud ("I'm feeling frustrated.").
• Remove: If possible, take a quick break to cool down safely.
• Resources: Use tools to regulate your body, such as deep breathing, shaking out tension, or repeating calming mantras like, “This is not an emergency.”

Modeling this healthy self-regulation teaches children emotional intelligence and resilience.

Honesty Over Perfection

One powerful takeaway was the importance of honestly naming emotions. Pretending to be calm when you’re boiling inside teaches children to distrust their instincts. Hunter encouraged parents to acknowledge feelings ("I'm feeling really upset. I need a break.") in a non-blaming way, emphasizing ownership of emotions rather than projecting them onto the child.
Children don’t need perfect parents—they need models for how healthy adults manage emotions.

Supporting Neurodivergent Kids

For parents of neurodivergent children, the stakes—and challenges—can feel even higher. Hunter advises:

• Recognize when the child has a problem (not the parent).
• Stay steady and calm, acting as a supportive listener.
• Validate their feelings without dismissing or overreacting.

As Hunter put it, “Well, it's really helpful in situations like this to understand who has a problem… When you have a problem, when your needs aren't being met, you want to solve your problem. But when your child has a problem, when your child gets dirty or your child has a boo-boo or whatever it is, whatever [the] size of the reaction is, it's still your child's problem. It's not your problem…But then you're the helper.” For example, if a child is distressed after touching something "dirty," acknowledge their distress rather than minimizing or escalating it. Meeting their emotional needs respectfully builds trust and emotional resilience.

When Problems Become Bigger: Seeking Help

In cases where behaviors escalate into self-harming routines (like obsessive hand-washing), Hunter recommends partnering with mental health professionals. Healing and habit change must come through empathy, intrinsic motivation, and support—not force or blame.

Fostering Resilience Through Failure

Allowing kids to fail safely and experience natural consequences builds resilience. Hunter shared how activities like free play, crafting, and even making small purchases independently can teach valuable life skills over time. Importantly, parents need to resist overprotecting their children due to their own past traumas.
As Hunter wisely noted: "Your kids don’t need you to be serene all the time. They need you to model what a healthy adult does with big feelings."

Wisdom from 500+ Podcast Interviews

Hunter also reflected on the lessons she's learned through interviewing hundreds of experts on the Mindful Mama Podcast, including:

• Lenore Skenazy on giving kids more independence.
• Gabor Maté on childhood trauma and emotional healing.
• Bethany Saltman on true attachment, which is rooted in emotional attunement, not co-sleeping or other surface behaviors.

Her work continues to emphasize the transformative power of mindful parenting—built through small, consistent steps.

Heal Yourself to Help Your Child

Parenting mindfully is hard work, especially when we carry our own childhood wounds. But as Hunter beautifully reminds us: "You can’t give what you don’t have. You have to cultivate inside what you want to express on the outside."
Starting with small steps—like daily mindfulness, emotional honesty, and compassionate listening—can create profound change for ourselves and our children.

Hunter’s Books
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Hunter’s popular books, including Raising Good Humans, Raising Good Humans Every Day, and the Raising Good Humans Guided Journal, are practical, compassionate guides packed with actionable tools for everyday parenting challenges. Her writing helps parents translate complex research into easy-to-implement daily practices.