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In a world shaped by screens, notifications, and constant digital interaction, one of the most powerful tools for connection remains profoundly simple: human touch. On a recent episode of Trust Me Mom, I spoke with author Alex Simakovsky about his book More Than a Touch: Rediscover the Healing Power of Handholding. What started as curiosity about a small, everyday gesture evolved into a deeper conversation about how touch shapes our nervous systems, strengthens relationships, and helps children feel safe and regulated. After years of pandemic isolation and rising levels of what many experts call “tactile hunger,” Alex’s work feels especially urgent. rom Childhood Instinct to Adult Afterthought Alex’s inspiration for the book came from noticing how naturally children reach for one another. “In your youth, handholding is such an intrinsic, natural, almost everyday occurrence whether it's with a parent or with a friend” he explained. And then in adulthood, handholding becomes something that’s much less common. As we grow older, handholding often turns into a spontaneous or situational act rather than an intentional one. Alex began to wonder what might change if adults reclaimed it with purpose. That question connects deeply to his upbringing. A first-generation American whose parents immigrated from the former Soviet Union, Alex grew up in a household centered on holistic wellness. His father worked as a chiropractor, a profession rooted in touch-based healing, and his mother helped run the practice. “Chiropractic at its very core is a touch-based medicine,” Alex shared. “This was very intrinsic to me growing up.” The Science Behind Touch While More Than a Touch highlights handholding specifically, the book explores touch more broadly and its measurable effects on the body. Touch “affects how stress hormones are released,” Alex said. “Oxytocin, cortisol, and the balance of all these regulatory hormones are directly impacted.” Research shows that consistent, supportive touch can calm the nervous system and reduce physiological stress. When touch is missing, the opposite can happen. Isolation, particularly during COVID, revealed just how deeply physical separation affects both emotional and physical health. “There are real benefits and real drawbacks when you’re lacking physical connection,” Alex noted. “Isolation has a very clear effect on human physiology.”  Touch as Emotional Regulation for Children One of the most powerful sections of the book focuses on how parents can use touch to support their children during moments of anxiety, overwhelm, or emotional dysregulation. “There are exercises and practices that you could do with children when they’re going through bouts of anxiety or stress or having tantrums,” Alex said. “The book kind of mentioned several practices that I think are pretty impactful.” One of those practices is hand-in-hand breathing. A parent gently traces their finger across the child’s palm in rhythm with the child’s breath. “It creates a sensory experience,” Alex explained. “It centers them, helps them understand their own breathing pattern, and it’s also a bonding moment in that window itself.” For many children, especially neurodivergent kids, traditional breathing exercises can feel frustrating or inaccessible when emotions are high. Parental touch offers regulation without requiring verbal processing. Another technique involves placing hands gently on a child’s shoulders during distress. “They’re going to feel that pressure on their shoulders,” Alex said. “And it’s just going to give them that little sense of separation from the moment and a little sense of relief from what they’re experiencing in that moment, to know that they are supported, they’re loved, and they’re not alone.” The 30-Second Rule One of the simplest but most memorable ideas in the book is what Alex calls the 30-second rule. “I think 30 seconds is a minimum amount of time we should devote to these types of practices,” he said. That small window is often enough to shift the nervous system, whether between parent and child or between partners. It is not about grand gestures but about consistency and intention.  In this episode of the Trust Me Mom podcast (Season 2, episode 32) available on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, host Ekaterina Konovalova sat down with author Alex (Sasha) Simakovsky to explore the science, psychology, and emotional power of human touch. Alex shared what inspired his book, More Than a Touch: Rediscover the Healing Power of Handholding, and why intentional touch is more important than ever in a post-pandemic, digital-first world. Together, they discussed tactile hunger, parenting and child regulation, relationship repair, cultural perspectives on touch, and simple handholding practices that can help children and adults feel safer, calmer, and more connected. Handholding in Adult Relationships
Touch does not lose its power as we age. In adult relationships, handholding can open doors to conversations that might otherwise feel impossible. “I think holding someone’s hand in a difficult moment can open up a window to a conversation or to a dialogue that otherwise might be difficult, if not impossible to have,” Alex shared. He recalled a personal moment from early in his relationship with his wife. “It allowed us to really reset in that moment,” he said. “It kind of showed to each other the devotion we have to each other, and from that moment, the whole conversation reset.” In moments of conflict, touch can communicate safety and commitment before words ever do. Cultural Lessons We Should Not Forget The book also explores cultural approaches to handholding, particularly in parts of Southeast Asia and India where same-sex friends often walk hand in hand without stigma. “This has always been a signifier of trust, of integrity,” Alex said. He points out that modern self-consciousness and cultural homogenization have caused many societies to abandon these deeply human expressions. “We should seek to preserve and enhance these very human interactions,” he said, “and not look to do less of them.” Ancient art from Egypt and Greece depicts hands clasped as symbols of connection and loyalty, reinforcing just how historic and universal this gesture has always been. Touch in a High-Tech Future In the closing chapters, Alex brings the conversation into the present and future, shaped by AI, remote work, and digital-first relationships. “We rely so much on conference calls, Zoom meetings, long-distance relationships,” he said. “How much of a grounding effect just reaching out and holding somebody’s hand could have in so many different scenarios.” In his own life, that intention shows up in small, everyday moments. “We make it intentional,” Alex shared. “Even if we’re just watching a show after we put our kids to bed, we’ll try to hold hands while we’re watching the show.” A Simple Gesture That Carries Real Weight One of the most moving stories in the book describes a father and daughter whose relationship had always been loving but emotionally distant. In a single moment of handholding, that distance collapses. “That physical connection reminded her of that special bond that they have,” Alex said. “That’s the power of handholding.” While hugs are powerful too, Alex believes handholding holds a unique place. “It’s a simple gesture,” he said, “but it carries so much weight and so much meaning in how it’s done, when it’s done, the situation, the moment that it’s done in.” In a world that often feels fragmented and overstimulated, he leaves readers with a question worth sitting with: “Could we all be doing it with a little bit more intention to help us feel better and improve our relationships? Certainly with our children, this is a huge opportunity that we should all look at more closely.”
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