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Kathy Long, mother of four and founder and CEO of NixIt AI, shares what she has learned about executive functioning, independence, marriage, maternal guilt, and letting go of perfect parenting. Parenting advice often assumes that children will learn when they experience the natural consequences of their choices. Forget your homework and receive a poor grade. Refuse to make lunch and feel hungry later. Take too long getting ready and miss an activity. Sometimes that approach works. For children and adults with ADHD, autism, sensory differences, or executive functioning challenges, however, the consequences may be disproportionately painful without teaching the intended lesson. Kathy shared with me how raising four very different children changed her understanding of discipline, independence, and parental responsibility. Her experience also inspired her to create NixIt AI, an app designed to help neurodivergent people manage tasks, routines, and executive functioning demands. Her central message to mothers is both compassionate and practical: Understand the need behind the behavior, prepare children for success, establish clear boundaries, and release some of the guilt that comes with raising a child whose development does not follow a predictable path. When Motherhood Changes the Plan Before becoming a mother, Kathy was building a career in the telecommunications industry in Chicago. She had ambitions of becoming the CEO of a telecom company. After marrying and moving to Colorado, however, her life changed dramatically with the birth of her first son, Jack. Jack arrived six weeks early and experienced serious challenges from the beginning. He was jaundiced, struggled to eat, cried constantly, and experienced failure to thrive. Kathy left her job to care for him full time. “For us, the entry to motherhood wasn’t fast. It wasn’t easy. It wasn’t textbook,” she recalled. Her career paused while motherhood became the place where most of her energy, attention, and problem-solving skills were needed. Over time, Kathy explored nursing, worked at a children’s hospital, returned to sales, earned a master’s degree, and raised three more children. Her professional path did not disappear, but it changed shape repeatedly around the needs of her family. Years later, those experiences would become the foundation for an entirely new career chapter. Putting a Mother’s “Voice and Brain” in Her Son’s Pocket As a young adult, Jack struggled during and after the pandemic. He has ADHD and autism, and the abrupt move to online college disrupted the family’s carefully constructed plan for his transition into adulthood. He became increasingly isolated and depressed while the family scrambled to find alternatives. The idea for NixIt AI emerged when Jack attended a medical appointment without Kathy. While she was in a work meeting, he repeatedly contacted her because he was overwhelmed by the questions he was being asked. “All I could think was, ‘My gosh, if I could just put my voice and my brain in his pocket, then he’ll be okay,’” Kathy said. That thought became the beginning of what she called the family’s “Plan C.” With a background in technology, software, and SaaS, Kathy began imagining a tool that could support people through tasks and situations that place heavy demands on executive functioning. Her husband became the company’s engineer and built its technical architecture, while Kathy led the vision and learned new technical skills herself. At the time of the interview, NixIt AI was in its early MVP stage and had been introduced to friends and family. Building a company together also required Kathy and her husband to learn how to separate their roles as spouses, parents, and co-founders. Therapy, communication, and a willingness to pause when conflict escalated helped them navigate those overlapping responsibilities. Since she is the CEO of the company, Kathy summarized their business partnership with characteristic humor: “If we fail, it’s on me. If we succeed, it’s because of both of us.”  Looking Beyond “Bad” Behavior One of Kathy’s most memorable parenting stories involves seven-year-old Jack, a laundry basket, and a staircase. Kathy found Jack preparing to ride down 11 steps inside the basket. She told him it was dangerous and instructed him not to do it. Jack listened and climbed out. A few moments later, Kathy heard the basket thumping down the stairs. This time, Jack had placed his younger brother Riley inside it. Technically, Jack had followed the instruction. He had not ridden down the stairs himself. What he had not understood was the larger safety principle behind the warning. Kathy later recognized that he had not intended to hurt his brother. He was curious. He wanted to know how fast the basket would travel and what would happen when it reached the bottom. Looking back, Kathy believes a more effective response would have been to acknowledge that curiosity and redirect it safely. Instead of stopping the experiment entirely, they could have placed a stuffed animal inside the basket and observed what happened. “They’re not there to upset you,” she said of children’s difficult behavior. “It feels like it, but they’re really not. Their whole life is not just about upsetting you. It’s about learning how to adult.” That distinction can change how parents respond. Rather than asking only, “How do I stop this behavior?” they can also ask:
This does not mean eliminating boundaries. It means making boundaries understandable and designing safer ways for children to explore, participate, and learn. The Unequal Weight of Parental Guilt Parents of children who develop easily and respond well to conventional discipline may give themselves too much credit. Parents of children with complex needs often blame themselves too much. Kathy has experienced motherhood as both a stay-at-home parent and a parent working outside the home. She believes both experiences are difficult in different ways. Stay-at-home mothers may struggle with isolation, loneliness, and unrealistic expectations. Mothers working outside the home may carry guilt about being away or relying on convenience when time and energy are limited. “You are enough. You’re doing enough,” Kathy said. “If they’re alive at the end of the day, I think you’re good. We’re all going to survive this.” That reassurance is especially meaningful for mothers who feel as though they are functioning on a phone battery that never charges beyond five percent. When a child is crying constantly, sleeping poorly, struggling with sensory input, or requiring creative solutions for every routine, even a loving parent may experience exhaustion and resentment. Kathy’s advice to her younger self would be to slow down, regulate her own nervous system, and laugh more. “You do not have to rush into the next discipline or rush to the next activity,” she said. “Just take that moment to give yourself that grace.” She recommends taking a breath, placing a hand on the chest or stomach, stepping away when necessary, and creating a small pause before reacting. Sometimes a child’s behavior is genuinely funny, even if it is also inconvenient or mildly inappropriate. Laughter can help release tension and make room for connection.  Parenting neurodivergent children often calls for extra planning, flexibility, creativity, and advocacy. In a recent conversation, Kathy Long, mother of four and founder of NixIt AI, shared how raising neurodivergent children has led her to rethink conventional ideas about discipline, independence, and what children need in order to thrive. Catch the latest Trust Me Mom podcast episode, Season 2, Episode 47, on Spotify and Apple Podcasts to learn how you can support your child’s executive functioning, set boundaries with compassion, encourage independence, and let go of the guilt that so often comes with parenting. A Shower is Not Self-Care
Kathy also rejects the idea that meeting a basic need should count as a mother’s self-care. “It is such BS that people say self-care is taking a shower,” she said. “No, that is the bare minimum. Showering is a human need, not self-care.” Real self-care is something that restores a sense of identity and pleasure. It might mean reading, playing a sport, getting together with friends, joining a book club, going on a date, or doing something that has nothing to do with children or household responsibilities. For Kathy, an all-women’s soccer team helped her hold on to her identity as an athlete. Her teammates supported her through different stages of motherhood, sometimes holding her baby while she returned to the field. Community did not always arrive automatically. Kathy encourages mothers to take the first step. “Be the mom that you want others to be,” she said. “Don’t rely on other people to invite you out or invite you to do things.” Libraries, recreation centers, playgrounds, playgroups, sensory-friendly spaces, sports teams, and neighborhood gatherings can all create opportunities for connection. One casual conversation at a children’s gym led to a friendship Kathy has maintained for more than 25 years. And mothers do not need a spotless home or elaborate food to welcome people into their lives. “Your house is clean enough,” Kathy said. “Just invite people over.” How Reducing Food Battles Encouraged Independence Kathy also shared her family’s experience with sensory differences around food. One child sought intense flavors, including hot peppers and spicy snacks. Her daughter, by contrast, had a strong aversion to most foods and remained extremely thin. Kathy faced a familiar dilemma. Should she continue fighting to make her daughter eat the family meal, or find an approach that would keep her nourished without turning every dinner into a battle? She chose to separate meal components so her daughter could select what felt manageable. If none of the available foods worked, her daughter could prepare a sandwich, cereal, fruit, or another simple option herself. The family also created a designated shelf containing foods she would reliably eat. What Kathy initially worried was “lazy parenting” gradually gave her daughter autonomy. She learned to identify what she could tolerate, prepare her own meals, and experiment without pressure. Over time, the child who once ate very few foods became an enthusiastic and skilled cook. The lesson was not that one strategy will work for every child with feeding difficulties. Rather, Kathy’s experience illustrates what can happen when a family reduces conflict, respects sensory differences, and looks for age-appropriate ways to build agency. Independence Does Not Mean Removing Every Support Kathy believes in giving children meaningful responsibilities. Her family uses rotating kitchen-cleaning assignments, with clear instructions explaining what a clean kitchen means in their home. Her children learned to do laundry, prepare lunches, and contribute to household routines. Her app helps the family place these responsibilities on a calendar and break them into understandable steps. The system does not eliminate every complaint or argument, but it reduces the need for repeated reminders and makes expectations more visible. At the same time, Kathy does not define independence as withholding every form of assistance. Before a recent family movie, she realized that putting the event on the calendar had not been enough for Jack, who is now an adult. He needed more time and a direct prompt to transition from sleeping to getting ready. She could have left without him, but she knew he genuinely wanted to join the family and was struggling with executive functioning rather than indifference. Supporting him meant anticipating that difficulty and giving him enough time to succeed. If she had provided that preparation and he still was not ready, then missing the outing could have been an appropriate consequence. This approach combines compassion with accountability. “Try to make it frictionless for yourself, but set some boundaries and expectations,” Kathy said. “I think that’s what makes kids feel more grounded and in control.” The goal is not to prevent every consequence. It is to distinguish between a manageable consequence that teaches and a catastrophic one that overwhelms the child without building a skill. The Long View of Motherhood Kathy now has the perspective of watching her children enter adulthood. One son is heading to medical school. Her daughter is preparing for college. Her adult children cook, work, tell stories, make decisions, and continue developing lives of their own. The intense younger years, which once felt endless, now seem remarkably brief. “The days are long, but the years are short,” Kathy said. “It will go away in a puff.” Her final encouragement is not to chase perfect parenting, perfectly disciplined children, or a perfectly maintained home. It is to protect connection, friendship, laughter, and the relationships that will remain when the most exhausting season has passed. Parenting neurodivergent children may require more planning, flexibility, creativity, and advocacy. It may also require parents to reconsider conventional ideas about discipline and independence. But children do not need flawless mothers. They need adults who are willing to observe, adapt, repair, establish boundaries, and keep learning alongside them. Most importantly, mothers should not have to do that work alone.
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