Why Working Moms Are Set Up to Struggle

What if the struggles so many mothers face are not personal failures, but systemic ones?
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I sat down with Alexa Starks, founder and CEO of Executive Moms and Mothered Magazine, to unpack one of the most pressing and often misunderstood topics of our time: why modern systems fail working mothers and what real change could look like. Alexa’s story is both deeply personal and widely relatable. And it reveals a truth many women feel but rarely articulate.

From Corporate Climber to System Challenger

Alexa spent over a decade climbing the corporate ladder in advertising. She was ambitious, strategic, and clear about her path forward. Promotions were mapped out. Success felt inevitable.

Then she became a mother.

Her maternity leave and return-to-work experience were not just difficult. They were unsupported, isolating, and ultimately career-altering. She found herself sidelined, overlooked for promotions, and pushed out of opportunities she had worked years to earn.
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At first, she thought it was just her experience. Then she started talking to other working moms. What she discovered changed everything. “This is a very common thing,” she realized. “I refuse to accept that.” That refusal became the foundation of her company, Executive Moms, and later, a broader mission to redesign the system itself.

The Problem Is Not You

One of the most powerful insights Alexa shared is something many mothers need to hear: “The hardest part about motherhood is we internalize systemic failures as our personal failures.” Women often blame themselves for feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, or unable to “do it all.” But according to Alexa, the real issue is not individual capability. It is structural design.

In the United States, many mothers return to work within weeks of giving birth. Affordable childcare is limited. Community support is fragmented. And workplaces are still largely designed around a model that assumes someone else is at home managing the family.

That “someone else” has historically been a woman.

Resilience or Survival

We often celebrate mothers as resilient. And they are. But Alexa challenges us to look deeper. Women are not just resilient by nature. They are often forced into resilience by necessity. There is a difference between thriving and surviving.

In other countries, like the Netherlands and South Korea, postpartum care can include in-home support, community systems, and structured recovery time. In contrast, many American mothers are navigating sleep deprivation, physical recovery, and career pressure simultaneously. “That’s not true resilience,” Alexa explains. “That’s survival.”

Understanding “Matrescence”

Another concept gaining attention is “matrescence,” the process of becoming a mother. It is not just about giving birth. It is a full psychological, emotional, and identity transformation. Much like adolescence, matrescence takes time. It evolves as children grow and as mothers redefine their priorities, ambitions, and sense of self.

The problem is that society does not allow space for that evolution. Women are often expected to return to their pre-baby identity almost immediately. But that version of them no longer exists.
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Alexa reflected, “It takes so long to fully become who you are as a mother, and that’s still going to evolve as you go through the different phases… Who I am now that my kids are toddlers is different than who I was at six months postpartum, and it’s probably going to be different in two years, in 10 years, when my kids are teenagers… And that’s where we see a lot of women struggle, especially with going back to work, because they’re trying to go back to that pre-baby version of themselves.”

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What happens when motherhood collides with a system that wasn’t built to support it? In this powerful podcast interview (Season 2, Episode 38, available on Apple Podcasts and Spotify) with Alexa Starks, founder of Executive Moms and Mothered Magazine, we unpacked the reality of modern motherhood, workplace inequities, and the systems that shape women’s lives. From navigating toxic return-to-work experiences to redefining ambition, Alexa shared her journey from corporate leader to outspoken advocate for systemic change. Together, they explored concepts like matrescence, the hidden struggles of postpartum life, and why so many moms feel like they’re failing—when in reality, the system is failing them.

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A System Designed Without Women

To understand the root of the issue, Alexa points to the broader structure of society. Many of our systems were designed by men, for men, during a time when women were not fully participating in the workforce. From healthcare research, including tampons and other menstrual products that weren’t tested with real human blood until 2023, to workplace norms, male experiences have historically been the default. The traditional nine-to-five workday, for example, aligns with school schedules that assume one parent is available for caregiving.

When women entered the workforce in larger numbers, the system did not evolve with them. Instead, women were expected to adapt.

What Could a Better System Look Like

Alexa introduces an important distinction. The alternative to a patriarchal system is not a stereotypical matriarchy where women dominate. It is a more balanced, community-centered approach. In more matriarchal or matrifocal societies, values tend to emphasize care, collaboration, and collective well-being rather than dominance and competition.

Even in modern countries, we see glimpses of this shift. Nations that prioritize family policies, healthcare access, and work-life balance often create environments where both parents and children can thrive. Alexa herself has experienced this difference firsthand after moving to the Netherlands. There, she noticed a stronger sense of community, better work-life balance, and normalized flexibility for parents.

The Most Powerful Change Starts at Home

While systemic change can feel overwhelming, Alexa emphasizes that there is one tangible action every parent can take:
Raise good humans.

“Raise kids who are empathetic, compassionate, and stand up for what’s right.” This is not a small task. It is one of the most impactful forms of long-term change. By teaching children to question injustice, respect others, and use their voice for good, parents are shaping the future of society itself.

Redefining Success and Support

At the heart of this conversation is a simple but transformative idea. Success should not be measured solely by productivity, income, or career advancement. A truly successful society is one where people are supported, families are valued, and individuals are allowed to thrive in all aspects of life. For many mothers, that vision still feels out of reach. But voices like Alexa’s are helping to shift the narrative.